Four Days
by LordGranthamsGirl
Summary: Elsie Hughes married Joe Burns when she was 17. He was a tenant farmer for Lord Grantham, had made a good life for her and their son, Benjamin. When Joe and Ben travel to Bristol to sell crops, circumstances arise that bring Elsie and Charles Carson together for four days. It changes everything about them.
1. Chapter 1

I got inspired...by a certain movie...so here it is. This might be it's entirety..I'm not sure. I welcome and covet your thoughts and suggestions for further chapters. I have something in mind...some of you will, no doubt, go there..just not sure yet if I will.

* * *

"Get those muddy boots out of here! I've just swept the floor!" Elsie Burns used the broom to shoo her 16 year old son and husband of 21 years out of her kitchen. "I'll have you both on your hands and knees, cleaning before supper, if you don't get on." Tendrils of her brown locks hung loose around her face, a trickle of sweat ran down her temple. Her apron was faded, her hands calloused and red from cleaning. It was her day to deep clean and it was no easy feat on these hot summer days in North Yorkshire. It was sweltering and the heat seemed to exhaust her energy very early in the day. She pushed herself, always pushed herself and her house was immaculate and lovely.

"What's for supper, Mum?" Benjamin Burns toed his boots off at the front door and plodded into the kitchen and gave his mom a kiss on the top of the head. He was already a solid 6 foot, nearly a foot taller than her, and a strong build like his father. Joe Burns came in and poured himself a whiskey, took his dirty hat off and laid it on the kitchen table.

"Get that off my clean table!" Elsie yanked Joe's hat off the table and hung it on the hook by the back door. "We're having stew, now go wash up, both of yeh."

She plated their supper and sat only long enough to eat. She spent the rest of the evening cleaning up the kitchen and then settled down to finish a dress for Lady Mary Crawley, the daughter of the Earl of Grantham.

Elsie was a farmer's wife; a hard working woman with a gift for dress making that was noticed throughout the county. It was her favorite past time and the one thing that brought her joy and a true satisfaction in life. She had met Lady Grantham in the village one afternoon many years before. It was in the dress shop where Elsie was delivering a dress she had made for a young girl's coming out. The dress was exquisite and Lady Cora took notice of it. She struck up a conversation with Elsie and asked her to visit Downton the next day to talk about having dresses made for her girls. Elsie was delighted to have the work. It made no difference to her that Lady Cora was of noble rank and they had gotten on fetchingly. She had been making Mary, Edith and Sybil's dresses for as long as she could remember and the girls adored her and her dresses. As they got older, they had been keener to buy dresses in London or Paris, when they were away. But occasionally, they would see something in a magazine and ask Elsie to replicate it and she always did it to perfection. She had also made a good little sum of money with her extra work; she kept it socked away beneath a loose floor board in the living room of their home. Elsie had also come to enjoy going to the Abbey and had struck up a friendship with Mrs. Patmore, the cook,and the Head House keeper, Mrs. Walker.

Her eyes burned from the strain after four hours of meticulous bead work. The candle was almost burned completely down and her back ached from the position she had been sitting in. Joe and Benjamin had gone to bed hours earlier, which was always the custom. Elsie rarely slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night. It wasn't what she wanted for she was perpetually exhausted but she just could not manage more than that.

She had unwittingly agreed to marry Joe Burns when she was just 18. She had begged him to be released but his will was so much stronger than hers and she could not refuse him and break his heart. Joe was raised by farmers, it was in his blood, a man of great work ethic; a good man. He aspired for more though and they had moved to Yorkshire shortly after being married. It was difficult for Elsie, moving from her parents and sister but she had learned to live life as a farmer's wife. The early years of their marriage were good albeit the work was hard to establish a place; it was known throughout the county that the Earl of Downton paid well and Joe had been relentless about getting on at there and his tenacity eventually paid off. He was loathe to part with his money, he loved it just to have, not for its purchasing power. He also was of the mind that it was unnecessary to hire help and you almost always needed help to run a farm. So it was Elsie who was the help. From the time they started farming, she had been called upon and expected to do anything a man would be expected to do. She had little household duties in the beginning of their marriage and with no child to tend to the first 5 years of their marriage, she had no excuse to refuse. It was back breaking labor and at times she had resented the life she chose but she always resolved that she chose it and moved on.

"Now eat up Ben, your faither will be ready to go and he'll get angry if you aren't ready!" Elsie put bread, meat and apples into a satchel and closed it up.

"Mum, what will you do while we're gone?" A bite of porridge fell from Ben's mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth open!" Elsie wiped her hands on her apron. "Oh whatever will I do?" She teased. "I've got dresses to make for the Crawley girls and plenty of gardening to do." She walks over and kisses him on top of the head. "I'll miss you lad."

"We'll miss you too mum."

Every year, Joe would take the harvested crops to Bristol to sell. It was a day's journey by horse and wagon; he would spend two days in Bristol selling his crops and then head home. It was 4 days that Elsie relished. It meant four days of being who she wanted to be, doing what she wanted. Ben had been going with his father since he was 12. Elsie wouldn't let him go before that for fear something would happen. She was extremely protective of Ben, her only child. It was difficult to conceive and she nearly lost him when he was three to diphtheria so she had kept him close for as long as she could. Fortunately, Ben was a strapping lad that had grown quickly and healthily. Elsie's fears lessened as he got older and at Joe's encouraging to let him work. He went to school and was a smart kid and polite. He was a blend of her good sense and kindness, Joe's ruggedness and manliness. A good balance of their looks, her eyes, his blonde hair.

"Come on! We must be goin'." Joe comes in the door and wraps his arm around Elsie's hip and pats her bottom. "Bye love. We'll see you in 4 days." She reaches up to kiss him but he turns before she can reach up. "Bye then. Be careful!" Her heart sinks a little.

Ben gets up and hugs his mum tightly. "Love ye mum. Don't get into trouble while we're gone!" He grins and kisses her on the cheek.

She squeezes his arm. "I'll try son. Take care of yer faither."

Elsie stands in the doorway, watches her husband and son pull away from the small house they have occupied on the estate of Lord Grantham. They had lived a comfortable life here. Joe was a tenant farmer, one of the best and had made a name for himself. Elsie was proud of him, thankful for the consistent life, forever grateful for the gift of Benjamin. A tear strayed down her cheek, a lump formed in her throat. She went back in and closed the door, sat down at the kitchen table and stared into the nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Carson, Mrs. Burns will be coming this afternoon to fit Lady Mary for her party dress. You know she insists on entering through the servant's entrance. Can you see her up when she arrives?" Lady Grantham asks.

"Of course Milady." Carson's pulse quickened. He was fond of Mrs. Burns. She had been coming to the Abbey for years and he always enjoyed her presence here. He was ashamed that he even entertained the thought of a woman, a married one at that. He couldn't help it however. She was beautiful to him, from the moment he laid eyes on her, he thought so. Her eyes were unforgettable and the memory of her smile stayed on his mind much of the time. It had not escaped him though that she was melancholy some of the time. Maybe that's what drew him to her. He often wondered how a woman so beautiful and talented could not be happy. He had never formerly met her husband, knew of him, and had seen him on occasion when he would bring Elsie up in the wagon. He knew he was revered as one of the best tenant farmers on the land. Charles had devoted many hours to thinking about her and what her life might be like. Every time she visited he longed to know more about her. She usually came during hours that afforded her time for tea with Mrs Patmore and Mrs. Walker. He was always a little jealous, wishing it was him she was sitting talking and laughing with.

The walk was long and hot from her cottage to the Abbey. Elsie was a little sweaty and flushed when she arrived. She wasn't much for dressing up, her life just never called for it but she felt a little self-conscious when coming to the Abbey so she usually put on one the dresses she had made that she wouldn't otherwise wear. She had bathed and washed her hair that morning and she chose a simple pale blue cotton dress with smocked bodice and short sleeves. The staff at Downton would never wear short sleeves but she knew the walk would be hot and she wanted to be as cool as possible. She chose a wide hat to shield the sun with her hair pinned meticulously underneath.

Mr. Carson had stayed diligently around the back door, hoping he would be the one to welcome her in and his diligence paid off.

"Oh good day Mr. Carson." Elsie maneuvered around him on the steps with the dress bag and her sewing basket.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Burns." His voice was rich and smooth with a hint of mirth. "Let me help you." He takes her basket and the bag as she untied and removed her hat and takes it off.

Elsie had always liked Mr. Carson. He was a little rough outwardly but she always imagined he was probably a lot more of teddy bear than he let on with his staff. He had always gone out of his way to speak to her, be kind to her and that meant something. She spent time over the years forging friendships at Downton and she enjoyed the days she was required to go.

"Lady Mary is waiting in her dressing room, Mrs. Burns. I'll show up." Carson gestured toward the stairs and she nodded in understanding. He carried her bag while she carried the sewing basket.

"Mr. Carson I can carry that."

"I insist." He smiled at her and it made her breath hitch slightly. She observed, silently, how beautiful his eyes were.

"Alright...thank you...that's very kind of you." She smiled back and his heart clenched in his chest.

###

The three ladies sat in the head housekeeper's sitting room, laughing and sipping tea. "Oh that is very funny Elsie." Beryl Patmore was a fluffy, lively woman. Elsie enjoyed her wit immensely and always reserved a funny story for her. Mrs. Walker was less animated but a kind woman. She was older, older than anyone on staff and Elsie thought it wouldn't be long, surely, before she would retire to a little cottage of her own.

A knock at the door caught all of them by surprise. "Uh...beg your pardon, ladies but Mrs. Burns, I thought you might want to know that it has started to rain."

Elsie gasped. "OH dear! I must be going!" She jumped up and grabbed her things. "Thank you ladies..I've enjoyed our time together! I'll see you again soon." They all nodded and gave their goodbyes.

Once in the hall, Mr. Carson was somewhat concerned for her to travel home, in the rain. "Mrs. Burns...won't you let me escort you to your cottage."

Again, Elsie was shocked. "OH! No Mr. Carson. I couldn't let you do that."

Charles knew he could find a stable boy to take her but the honest truth was, he wanted to be the one to escort her home. He was a skillful rider, not many knew that. Lord Grantham did, as he had taken Charles riding many times with him. "I...I don't want you to have to walk home. The rain is coming down quite hard now. I've had a stable boy bring one of the horses round. I'll ride you home if that meets with your approval."

"But...why...not the stable boy?" She questioned.

"The lads are to rounding the horses up now. I would rather him do that. I've got the time. And..don't worry Mrs. Burns..I'm an experienced rider." He smiled.

Elsie's pulse quickened. She didn't want to be a bother but she truly did not want to try and plod home in the rain. It would be messy enough on a horse, but much worse after a walk. "Ah...well...if you insist, I would be forever grateful." She was a farm girl, nonetheless, she knew about horses and riding behind a man.

Charles disappeared and returned quickly with riding boots and rain wear. They stepped out into the rain. It was like the skies had opened up suddenly. The stable boy squinted against the rain and handed the reins to Mr. Carson. Elsie held the umbrella Charles had handed her. "It's getting bad, Mr. Carson. I would take the north road; it's a little sturdier."

"Thank you. Help the lady on." Charles hitched his leg into stirrup and climbed on. The young stable boy helped Elsie on and then handed her the umbrella and Mr. Carson her sewing basket. He secured it between him and the horn.

Elsie reached around Charles' waist with no reservations and held the umbrella with the other hand. Charles looked down at her slender hand around him and his belly stirs with emotions. _'What are you doing Charlie Carson?!'_

The rain was torrential. It takes almost an hour to reach the farm. Elsie's house sat up on a hill and Charles had to get off and walk the horse as it was spent and the hillside was too slippery to navigate with both of them in the saddle. They had had to detour several times as the road had started to flood in several places. Charles was covered in mud by the time they reached the door of the cottage. He had insisted she stay on the horse, she was drenched but not muddy like he was. She felt horrible that she had allowed him to take her home; but she was grateful. She shuddered thinking what the walk would have been like by herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Charles helped her out of the saddle, his face covered with mud and a snarl on his face. "Oh Mr. Carson I'm so sorry!" Elsie could not stop the laugh that welled up in her.

His eyes flew open and he stared at her in shock. "I'm sorry...i'm so sorry...it's just..." She brought her hand up to cover her lips but she couldn't stop the laughter. Without thinking, she reached up and wiped away a clump of mud from his brow.

Charles couldn't believe his ears but his voice was rendered useless and he noticed a large clot of mud on her neck and started laughing himself. She was taken aback for a moment as well but soon they both were laughing hysterically in the rain, in front of her cottage.

They stumbled just inside the door, still laughing. "Here...let me help you Mr. Carson." She started to help him out of the jacket but Charles put his hand on hers to stop her.

"I think I better get back..." Their eyes met and his heart ached.

"Of course you will not Mr. Carson. It's too dangerous, we barely made it here. I would not forgive myself if something happened to you." She insisted with pleading blue eyes.

He was accosted by her stare and again his voice was gone. "I...I...should...probably...do something...with the horse then?!"

"Oh yes...you can put her in the barn. Can you manage? It's just down a ways from the garden over here." Elsie stuck her head outside and pointed in the direction of the barn. "There will be plenty of bedding for her. You'll see the 2 stalls empty...Joe has the horses with him." Charles nodded in understanding. She watched him traipse off and took in a deep breath.

###

"Let's get this muddy coat off and those boots. You will come and have some tea and get dry so you don't catch your death a cold!"

Charles looked into the small cottage, the inviting living area, the cozy kitchen. It was nice, he thought. It was lovely, clean and tidy, her essence all around. Suddenly he wished to lead a normal life and felt like a prisoner at Downton. "Unfortunately, I think you are right. It would be too dangerous to try and make it back now. The rain seems to be coming in torrents."

"Yes and it wouldn't do for you to get caught in that. Here sit, take yer boots off." he pulled a chair to him and he sat and removed the muddy boots. He had never been in a woman's house before, not like this, especially not one with his shoes off. Elsie crossed the room and worked on a rain had cooled the summer air considerably and they would need the fire to dry his clothes.

"Mr. Carson, you'll have to get out of those clothes, I'm afraid."

Charles' heart quit beating. "I...Mrs. Burns...I don't..." he stammered.

"Oh you can wear some of my husband's clothes." Elsie started down the hall. "I think you're a little taller than he is, but not much. I can find something that works."

Charles sat in disbelief. He wasn't sure what he was feeling but he realized he hadn't even thought about her husband and son. "Uh...where are your husband and son Mrs. Burns?" He called.

"Oh they are at market in Bristol. I hope they've made it far enough west to beat the rain. They left early this morning." She called from somewhere, he wasn't sure where.

"Mr. Carson, I've left a change of clothes on my son's bed. I've also left a towel for you to wash up in the bath. We are one of the lucky tenants to have running water and a washroom. Please make yourself at home."

"Uh...aren't you...going...to get cleaned up..." He swallowed hard.

She looked down at her wet dress and chuckled. "I will, yes. You go ahead. I'll get the fire going and put a kettle on. Leave your...suit...and I'll wash it out."

###

Elsie and Charles sat comfortably at the kitchen table, drinking tea and talking. The rain beat down on the roof of the cottage and every once in a while Charles would glance out the door. His anxiety and concern were dissipating with each passing minute spent with this woman he thought was beautiful. She had dressed in a thin cotton dress with an apron. He could only remember seeing his mother dressed like this. He was used to the propriety of service and the rules of class. The women he was around were dressed in beautiful gowns and heavy maids dress, save for the cooks and scullery maid but none had ever turned his head. He could tell Elsie wasn't wearing a corset and he thought how nice it was to see a woman's actual curves. He suddenly thought it hot, thankful he was dressed casually as well and not in his usual heavy jacket and trousers.

"How long will your husband and son be away?" Charles questioned taking a sip of tea.

"Just 4 days. It's almost a days journey there and back. They will spend 2 days selling the crops." Elsie looked into the bottom of her tea cup. Charles watched her, there was that look again, that look of sadness that he had observed over the years. _'What was it?'_ he thought.

"Does he do well?"

"He does. He has a knack for selling, probably should have been a solicitor." She chuckles.

"And your son? He enjoys going with him?"

Elsie finally smiled a genuine smile, her eyes twinkle. "Yes. He does. He enjoys people watching as much as anything. He never meets a stranger."

"He makes you smile...really smile." Charles grinned. "It's beautiful." He risked.

Elsie lowered her gaze and blushed but smiles. "Yes...he's my...everything." She looked around/ "Would you like something to eat? I'm sorry I just realized I haven't offered you anything to eat and it's getting late. It looks like you're going to have to stay here Mr. Carson."

"Yes. I'm afraid so. I just hope they won't worry about me at the Abbey. I told Mr. Bates I was taking you. He's a wise man, I'm sure he'll figure out I stayed put."

"I have some left over lamb stew with thyme biscuits."

Charles was famished actually and that sounded delicious. "Actually, Mrs. Burns, that's sounds wonderful."

She smiled again. "Mr. Carson, would you do something for me?"

"Of course."

"Would you call me Elsie?"

Charles respiration's quickened, his mouth was suddenly dry. "Al...right...Elsie." They both stared at one another for a long moment. She broke the connection when she turned to the stove. Charles gaze landed squarely on Elsie's bum. He quickly turned his head, trying to banish the thoughts brewing in his mind. He stood and walked to the living room, his hands in his pockets, picks up a photograph lying on a small table. "Who's in this picture?"

Elsie leans around to see what he is referring to. "Oh..that's my parents. My sister had it made."

Charles smiled. "It's nice." He looked at it for a long time and Elsie watched him. She smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

"Would you like another?" Elsie giggled and Charles threw his head back smiling. "Sure." He drained the last of his glass and handed it to her.

"I'm sure it's not what you're used to. I"m sorry I don't have wine." She got up from the settee to pour him another scotch.

"I like scotch. I don't have enough occasions to drink it." He remained seated and ran his hand over the nicely upholstered seat back. "This is lovely furniture." He was surprised to see such nice furnishings in a farmer's home. It wasn't common.

"Oh...thank you. My husband is keen at finding pieces of junk and turning it into something lovely." She returned with 2 scotches and sat with her feet tucked under her. She had been barefooted since she changed clothes and Charles had caught himself several times gazing at her bare feet. They were beautiful, small and perfect.

"This was a piece of junk?" He asked.

She laughed. "Well yeah kinda. He found it in Thirsk and brought it home on the wagon. It was a sight for sore eyes. But he cleaned it up and I re-covered it and well...there you have it."

"You?" Charles was amazed by her. She seemed like such an intelligent woman, lovely and well spoken. Her Scottish lilt was nearly driving him mad.

"Yes me!" She smiled up at him. "I'm good with a fabric and needles."

"Ah yes..indeed you are Mrs. Burns...uh...Elsie. I've admired the dresses you've made for the girls for years. They are exquisite."

"Thank you...Charles."

Elsie felt a little drunk. She wasn't used to drinking this much but she was truly enjoying herself. Time had gotten away from both of them. It was the wee hours of the morning before they realized it, they had all but forgotten about the rain storm but it had not let up. "Oh Charles look at the time! You must be exhausted!"

Charles felt the effect of the alcohol as well, though not quite as much as she. He was finding it hard to keep his eyes off of her, wandering over her body. "Oh I'm used to it Elsie. I don't sleep much…at night."

"Hmm..do you like your work Charles? Do you like the life of service?" She shifted her feet under her and Charles wondered if she was uncomfortable.

"Are you comfortable?"

"Oh…yeah…I'm okay. I have a little problem with my hip sometimes. The doctor says it's a nerve problem. When I sit for long periods it starts to bother me. I'm okay…"

Before she finished her sentence Charles sat up straighter and pulled at her feet. "Here…put your feet here..in my lap." The alcohol had removed his staunch inhibitions.

"Oh…that's okay..really.." Elsie jumped at the feel of his warm hands on her feet.

"No no no…you get comfortable." He smoothed one hand across her calf and then wrapped both hands gently around one of her feet. He began to knead it with soft, slow movements.

Elsie's breath hitched in her throat and her belly stirred. _What was happening here?'_ she thought. Her face blushed hot. "That….that's…that feels good…thank you…."

"I like what I do...I suppose" Charles answered quietly.

"What's that?" Elsie had completely forgotten that she had asked him a question.

"You asked if I liked life in service."

"Oh yes.." she chuckled. "I did didn't I?"

He continued his gentle ministrations to her feet, alternating between the two.

"What made you choose it?" she gazed at him. He was very handsome she thought. His hair had dried and it was soft and wavy now. She had never seen it like that and she liked it.

"Well mainly I wanted to get away from my life. My father…he was…a drunk. He did nothing with his life, squandered everything he ever had...everything my mother had." Charles' eyes darkened and Elsie's heart broke a little. She wanted to touch him. "I wanted more. I was determined to do more with my life." They sat for a while in silence, just the rain, beating down. "I didn't start out there…Elsie. I had a few years of…bad choices, wandering...until I settled at Downton."

"You? A wanderer?" She smiled. " I can't imagine it."

He looked at her. "Why?"

"Well you just…are so…proper…so dignified and dutiful." She paused and looked to him for a reaction. "I mean that..in a good way Charles."

"Hmm…" he grunted slightly and took a swallow of scotch. "Yes well….you have to be to do what I do."

She detected a note of regret in his voice. The desire to be closer to him was rising in her and she wondered how long she could stand this. She moved her feet from his lap and got up. "Do you…?" She took his glass.

"I better stop." He gave her a forlorn look.

"Yes. I suppose we should get some sleep. Hopefully, the morning will bring an opportunity for you to…get…back." It made her heart ache to say that, think of that. She hadn't felt this good in a very long time. His touch, his voice, and the looks they had shared.

He hated just as bad to hear it but he knew it was practical, right, but he secretly hoped for more time alone with her. "Yes…yes…they will begin to wonder what happened I'm afraid."

"You can sleep in Ben's room. I put down clean linens just this morning." There's a robe and pyjamas on the bed.

Charles joined her in the kitchen. She put the glasses in the sink and turned around, right into his chest. "OH!" His body was right there, just a breath away. "I..I'm sorry…."

Charles did not move. He touched her hand with his, brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. "Thank you…"

Elsie had a hard time looking straight at him. Her face was hot with desire. It had been so long…so long since she felt like a man wanted her, needed her. Joe was a good man and a good father, provided for her a good life. She performed her duties as a wife, in every sense of the word but it was devoid of passion, desire. She knew Joe loved her but neither of them was in love with one another and it was enough for him. And it was enough for her….most days.

"I've enjoyed our time together Elsie." That low bass timbre made her heart leap into her throat.

"Me too…Charles." She finally looked at him and smiled. Again, she was the one to break the contact. "Well..if you need anything, please let me know. Make yourself at home." She left him standing in the kitchen as she headed to her bedroom.

###

Charles lay quietly atop the bed linens, still fully dressed. His mind was divided in a million pieces. He knew his thoughts about Elsie were wrong; she was a married woman, a wife...mother. There was a need building in him, deeper than the physical, and he did not want it. He did not want to need her.

Elsie stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, her thin nightgown clinging to her body. Her breath was shallow, her mind racing. She ran her hand along her jawline, down her bare chest, inside her gown and across her full breasts. She closed her eyes against the touch and imagined it was him...Charles' hands. She pulled the pins from her hair and shook it loose, a tear escaped down her cheek and she covered her mouth with the back of her hand to stifle her cries. She was thankful for the sound of the rain, drowning out the sound of her own storm.


	5. Chapter 5

The rain continued, through the night, into the morning. The hillside where the Burns' cottage sat was beginning to wash away and Charles was worried. He stood in the open doorway, watching it pour when Elsie came into the kitchen. While the house was in no danger of flooding because of where it sat, some of the farmland, the crops, were in grave danger of being washed out.

"Good morning." She joined him. "Oh dear, this is not good is it?"

"No. I'm afraid it's not. I can't remember a storm of this size, at least...not in last several decades.

"Doesn't look like you'll be going anywhere today, eh?" She went to the stove and put a kettle on. "Do you drink coffee?"

He turned to her. "I do. How did you sleep?"

"Pretty well…" she lied. "And you? I hope you found Ben's room comfortable."

"I did. It was nice to sleep in a full size bed." he smiled a half smile that was becoming an endearing thing about him.

"Your accommodations at the Abbey aren't comfortable?" She inquires, setting a cup of coffee in front of him at the kitchen table.

"They are fine. It's just a small room with a single bed. It's comfortable enough but you know after 30 plus years,it's nice to..." his voice trails off and he smiles. "It's nice...it's okay."

Elsie joins him and they talk over many cups of coffee. She fixes him a traditional Scottish breakfast and he praised her over and over for how delicious it was. They laugh and draw one other into their lives. The rain continues and they worry less and less about the flooding and what is happening between them.

"You seem happy Elsie but then there is sadness in your eyes that I can't quite discern?" Charles dared to pry. He had grown comfortable with her. She is still in her robe and night gown, her legs and feet are bare and it's incredibly desirable to him. Her face is pale but soft and her eyes are a piercing blue. Her lips, pink and full. He has a hard time looking at her for fear she might see through his desire.

Elsie sighed, looking out the window and ran her hand over her neck nervously, swung the leg crossed over the other, a little more vigorously.

He noticed her shift. "Are you happy Elsie?"

"I have no reason not to be." She glanced at him and smiled slightly. Her emotions are accosted by the expression on his face. Her breath caught and she hurriedly got up and put the plates in the sink; stood quietly for a moment with her back to him, willing herself to steady her emotions.

Charles could see the trembling hem of her dress and swallowed hard. He got up and moved to the door, looked out again, he needed some cool air. It was hot and stuffy in the small cottage or it was just his body was on fire.

"I'm sorry Charles. I...just...am not used to this..." She walked to him and he turned and looked at her.

"It's alright Elsie. We're only talking." He is very close, so close she can feel the heat from his body. She releases a shuddering breath. _God she is so beautiful, so desirable_. It's been so long since Charles touched a woman. His dark eyes searched hers. "I think...maybe I should go out and check...see about the hillside, the mud."

"Oh Charles but it's...the rain...it still..."

Charles felt like a cool shower would help things immensely. "I'll be back." He grinned and steppd out into the pouring rain. He struggled to stand but disappeared around the small cottage in no time. Elsie ran to the living room window to see if she could see him. The rain was too torrential and the windows were fogged up. It was a long while before he returned and her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Part of her panicked that he would get hurt, the other part panicked that he would find a way to leave her.

She turned toward the door when she heard him approach. He was drenched, covered in mud. She stood with her mouth agape then brought her hand to her mouth laughing hysterically. "You look like a creature!"

"It's a mess out here!" Charles held his hand over the threshold of the door. "Give me a hand."

Elsie approached him and took his hand to help him inside and with one swift movement he pulled her toward him, into the rain, into the mud and he wrapped his bear arms around her as they both slid and fell to the sodden earth.

"CHARLES!" She wrapped her arms around him and fell squarely on top of him. Neither of them could stand up once they were down, the mud creating an impossible terrain. So they both laid in the mud, the warm rain drenching them, body and soul. They laughed until their sides hurt.

###

Charles returned to the kitchen, drying his hair with a towel. "That was quite fun Elsie! You have to admit it!" He grinned at her.

She turned to him, still covered in mud, standing at the porcelain sink. The sight of him made her insides come alive. He wore his own white shirt and trousers that Elsie had washed and pressed. They weren't as starched as he was used to but he looked handsome nonetheless. "It _was_ fun Charles. Now I think I'll get cleaned up and then I'll start dinner."

"That sounds lovely, I'm famished!"

She brushed past him with a smile. "The kettle is on or you can have a scotch if you wish."

The Burns cottage was a more modern, updated cottage than most. They had running water, a separate bath and scullery, a gas range and gas lighting. Elsie lie reposed in the porcelain tub, the water caressing her body. Her mind was wild with thoughts of him and she found it very erotic that her body lay exactly where his just was. In fact, she was finding everything about him incredibly erotic and it was driving her mad with desire. She closed her eyes and smoothed the bar of soap across her breasts, imagining it was his hands. She could have stayed there for hours and if it wasn't for the knowledge that the reason she was daydreaming was actually in her kitchen, she would have.

###

They finished dinner; Charles sat back, stretched his legs and patted his belly. "Elsie...that was delicious!"

Elsie had barely eaten, drank a lot of ale and watched him with drowsy, love sick eyes while he ate. "I'm glad you liked it." She purred. They talked more, drank more, gazed at each other with deeper thought and emotion.

She got up and put the dishes in the sink. Charles slipped up behind her. "Let me help you." He softly rumbled in her ear."


	6. Chapter 6

She jumped at his close proximity."Oh...okay." She turned slightly and handed him a linen. "You can dry." Charles didn't move, he stayed close, the heat of his body radiating off of hers. Elsie wondered if he could feel her trembling. "I'm sure you're not used to this kind of work?" She managed to make small talk. _'He smells so good.' _She thought; of soap and wash powder, the essence that had filled her nostrils for the last day and a half...his essence. He reached across her to grab a plate she had just washed, his arm brushed solidly against her breast. They both stopped for a moment but didn't look at one another.

Charles started to hum a tune, a slow, mesmerizing sound that was making her dizzy. She couldn't help herself; she turned to him and looked at him so lovingly. He continued to hum, his eyes locked with hers. Elsie put the dish she was holding into the sink and turned fully to him. Charles put his towel on the counter and faced her. He reached down and took her hand in his, wrapped his other tightly around her waist and began to sway, pulling her along with him. They didn't speak, the only sound was the rain and the low, rich timbre of his voice against her ear. He pulled away and wrapped both hands around her waist. Elsie reached up and laced her fingers at the nape of his neck; she was barely tall enough even standing on her tip toes to reach him. Their lips were but a breath apart. It was he that leaned in first, barely touching her lips. It was like they had touched fire as they both jerked back. She reached to touch his lips with hers, gently, barely. He teased, nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth, sucked and licked her lips with such finesse. Respiration was ragged and warm, they danced, slowly, spinning, he hummed, her fingers combed through the hair at the back of his neck.

Charles captured her mouth, fully; his tongue finding hers, caressing, loving, moaning desire and lust into her mouth. His hands were moving, up her ribs, across her bottom, her lower back, her arms. Now on her cheeks, his gentle, big hands cupping her face, his lips tenderly caressing hers.

Elsie fumbled with the buttons at his shirt, slipped them open as quickly as her fingers would work. She was dizzy with desire and the room was spinning, she was sure of it. Her hands played across the small patch of curls and bare skin of his chest. She was glad to be off her tip toes and kissed his chest, circled his nipple with her tongue. Charles groaned deeply and felt like his knees might buckle under him. He had to move them. He picked her up, she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her to the bedroom, kissing her all the way.

###

Elsie pulled Charles' arm tighter around her, her tears continuing to fall. They lay spooned together, post coital, in the love they had made for the last 2 hours, both drowsy and reluctant to sleep. Charles pressed his body against her from behind, his lips at her neck, her ear. He kissed her over and over as she sniffled and cried softly. His own tears had fallen when he finished, too overwhelmed to verbalize what he was feeling. She held him so tightly and begged him to stay and never leave, both knowing, how futile those words were.

"Tell me a story...I want to hear you speak, I love the sound of your voice." Elsie turned in his arms and Charles kissed the tears on her cheeks.

"What do you want to hear my love?" He was aroused again, her breasts and belly pressing against him, her legs tangled with his.

"Anything...I just want to hear your voice..." She closed her eyes and lightly scraped her nails up and down his back, his bottom.

"Alright..." he said in a low grumble. His warm hands wandered aimlessly over her hip, her bottom, her sides. "I'll tell you of my first trip to The Highlands, Loch Fyne."

Elsie smiled and nodded against his chest. "Yes..I would very much like to hear that."

Charles' soothed Elsie's anxiety; the soft reverberations of his vocal chords tickling the ear against his chest. She listened to him speak of her homeland and cried, for her heart longed to be back there with him now. He reminded her of the beauty there and the people that she called her own.

###

They were famished at midnight, having completely disregarded the dinner Elsie had fixed earlier. They traipsed to the kitchen, naked, and ate, fed one another, drank beer and laughed together til the wee hours of the morning. They made love in front of the fire, on the settee, she had straddled him on one of the kitchen chairs and they both climaxed deeper and with greater force than either of them had ever experienced. They were sore and spent and sleepy when they returned to the bed.

Elsie rested her head against his chest, lightly caressing his arm, her body still tingling from the affect of him on her..in her. "Charles?" She whispered after a long silence.

"Yes love?" He responded drowsily.

"I've...I've never...felt...that before." She turned her gaze toward him and he looked down.

"Felt what?" He placed light feathery kisses on her forehead.

Her face flushed with embarrassment. "...I've never...had an..." She lowered her head to his chest again, her tone so low he could barely hear her.

"You've never...?" He tipped her chin up with his finger. "You've never had an...orgasm?" he whispered and his face flushed hot.

The word...it was so erotic...so sensual, Elsie closed her eyes and let out a staggered breath. Her eyes locked with his and she shook her head slightly. "I always thought something was wrong with me..." tears pooled in her sapphire orbs. "It's been a source of contention...with Joe..."

"Oh God Elsie..." he kissed her hair and pulled her closer to him. "I'm sorry love...sorry that you haven't been happy in your marriage." She buried her face in his chest and cried. "Shhh...there...darling..." He finally tipped her chin up again, his lively eyebrows raised with a grin on his face. "Elsie Burns...I can tell you unequivocally, there is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with you!" They laughed and Charles kissed her so lovingly and passionately and finally wrapped himself around her, held her tight and whispered love to her until she was softly breathing in sleep. He smiled thinking about what he had done for her, what he could do to her but the feeling was eclipsed by the ache in his heart. He let his own emotion overtake him and he cried softly against her shoulder.


	7. Chapter 7

The morning sun shone through the gauze linens over the window in the bedroom. Charles stretched and reached over to her but she wasn't there. He squinted against the bright light and lay back again, thinking. He listened and the rain had stopped. If it held off today, he could be going back to Downton or Downton would come looking for him. He had never seen the likes of flooding in this county the way it had the last 2 days and he was forever grateful for it. He could smell food and coffee and he sat up on the side of the bed and rubbed his face with his hand. He slipped his trousers on and walked barefooted into the kitchen. He leaned against the wall near the door and watched her for a moment. Her hair was down, dark brown tendrils curling down her back. Her white nightgown was sheer and he could see the outline her bare bottom through it. His belly stirred with desire.

Elsie knew he was there, the whole time. She let him have his look and then turned to him. "Good morning." Charles didn't move but smiled that delicious half grin. She stopped and stared at him, put a plate of scrambled eggs on the table, her eyes never leaving him. He was bare chested, his hands in his pockets and his hair tousled. He was so handsome and sensual. Her breath caught in her throat.

He finally walked to her and wrapped his arms around her slender body, brought her body fully against his, nuzzled his nose into her neck then placed wet kisses along her collarbone. "Mmmm...you smell good enough to eat." he growled.

Elsie leaned back a bit, letting her head fall away thus pushing her breasts out. He took the invitation and traced a line with his tongue to the trim of her nightgown, just above her warm and supple mounds. He brought a hand up and gently squeezed the soft flesh and kissed her nipple through the thin fabric. She mewled and straddled his thigh to steady herself. Charles' other hand gripped her bare bottom under the gown. Elsie thought of how long it had been since she wore so little around the house. She would never dream of traipsing around with a bare bottom in such a thin night gown but now...it made her feel good about herself. It made her feel sensual and like a man wanted her..and he did!

They kissed and groped and fondled one another. He pushed her against the wall

and wrapped his hand around her thigh as she raised it against his trousers. "Charles...Cha..." she gasped between his kisses and started to giggle when he nuzzled against her collarbone.

He laughed and pulled away, his face is rough with stubble and his hair looks like a woman has run her fingers through it because..she has. "Mmmm...it smells good in here." He walks to the table and she smacked his bottom when she passed him.

"Sit and eat before it gets cold." She poured him a cup of coffee and before she walked away he pulled her onto his lap. She picked up a piece of toast and fed him. He ate it but couldn't keep his hands in an appropriate place. He reached under her night gown and found her bare breast, squeezed it gently and she squirms to get away. "You...are going to be the death of me!" She finally got away and sat across from him. "Now...eat! Those eggs won't be worth eating if they sit any longer!"

He grinned and obeyed. They talked, but not about what was at the back of both of their minds. The rain has stopped, it hasn't rained all morning, the sun is shining and the water levels have already started receding. The hillside is muddy and water is still standing at the bottom of it but it could be down by mid-afternoon, leaving Charles no excuse to stay any longer. He had thought little of Downton and his responsibility there for the last 24 hours. He had thrown caution to the wind and pushed down any nagging thoughts that would threaten this momentary bliss. He had never felt like this...never...not in all his years. He had never loved a woman like this; certainly never been with a woman like this and he knew he never would.

"You were...so beautiful, so wonderful last night." He managed, looking deep into her eyes. It made Elsie blush. He took her hand from across the table. "Elsie...I've never felt...I mean...you made me feel...so alive."

She looked up and tears were pooling in her eyes. "I felt it too...Charles."

He looked at her lovingly and nodded, reached across the table to pad away her tears.

After breakfast they went back to bed, wrapped up in each other, drifted to sleep, woke up and made love again. They explored every inch of each other, talked all day, cried, loved each other with words and sighs and touches.

Charles fell asleep and she watched him for an hour, softly touching, kissing him. She finally got out of bed and dressed. Her mind was a whirring machine, pounding away at her thoughts. Rational was dim, reasoning seemed futile. A sickening feeling was building in the pit of her stomach.

It had rained just a little during the day but the sun was hot and quickly drying up the soggy land around them. No one had come looking for him, not yet. She ventured out to check on the horse and returned without incident. Their plot of land had grown since moving to the estate. Joe had proven to be a worthy tenant that harvested good crops and made a lot of money. This meant they lived farther out and away from other cottages. She considered how worried the staff and family must be for him but surely they would know he had gotten stranded there upon taking her back 2 days earlier. Elsie cleaned the dishes from earlier, tried to do something to take her mind off of him...leaving her soon. '_Did it even matter to him? This probably isn't anything to him...a tryst.'_ She told herself.

"Did you sleep?" Charles rumbled from behind her.

"OH!" Elsie jumped and turned to him. "You scared me!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Fancy some tea?" She asked, ignoring his first question. She had thought so much that afternoon that she was almost angry with him.

"Sure." He sat down at the table. He had slipped his clothes on as well. "Did you go out?" He noticed her boots with fresh mud on them at the door.

"Yes. I wanted to check on the horse. She was fine. I gave her some feed and fresh water."

"You should've awakened me."

"It's fine! I'm perfectly capable Charles." She hadn't looked at him, had slammed a few things around in talking to him and he now was seeing that something wasn't quite right with her.

"Is something wrong Elsie?" Charles stood and walked to where she was at the sink.

"NO...!" She spun around to face him now. "Why would anything be wrong Charles!" She quipped sarcastically. "I mean...everything is JUST FINE! We've had our fun...we've _fucked_ each other's brains out and now it's time to go back to normal!" She turned and grasped the sink to steady herself and brought her hand up to stifle the cry that was coming.

Charles was shocked. He stood with his mouth agape, his brow furrowed. "What is it...Elsie...what is the matter?" He walked to her and tried to touch her. She bristled when he did. "What did I do?" he whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

"Nothing! You didn't do anything!" She walked away and sniffed up the emotion and pulled her hand across her cheek to wipe away the tears. "So...what now? You go back to Downton, carry on as usual, have your parties, go to London during the season, the Highlands at Christmas and have your trysts and I'll just be here, taking care of this farm and my family." Her eyes were teary, dark with anger and resentment.

Tears flood to Charles' eyes as he realized what she is saying. "You think this is easy for me?" He stared in disbelief at her.

"Well isn't it? It's just a few days out of your life of freedom!" She bites her lower lip so hard she tastes blood.

"Is that what you think? That this is just a dalliance? A tryst? Just a few days of pleasure for me?" He walked to the open door and leaned heavily against it. He then got angry and turned to her. "Freedom? You think I live in freedom?!"

She regretted saying that almost immediately but didn't retract her words, she instead countered him. "Don't you...really? You have no one, no family to be accountable to? You can take your days off and do as you wish, see who you want...bed whoever you want." She squared her shoulders and wrapped her arms defensively around herself.

His jaw flexed in anger and his face flushed red. "You don't understand me at all!" He can't stop the rush of tears to their boundaries but grinds his teeth tightly together. Her heart breaks. She is angry at herself for not being able to hold her tongue, stopping herself from hurting him.

"This isn't a tryst for me Elsie." His voice was so low and shaky. His back turned to her. "I've never felt this way about another woman. I've never been with a woman like this." He finally turned around and faced her. She had moved behind him, longing to touch him. He gave her a tearful and sad smile. "I feel like I'm dying. Because I know...I have to walk out of here without you." Tears begin to stream down his red cheeks. "I have to go back to the prison..._not freedom_...that I live in every day at Downton. I have no one. No family to speak of. I never have the arms of a woman around me...that loves me...wants me."

Elsie is sobbing now, ashamed of her words, her actions. She wrapped her arms around him, hugged him so fiercely. "Oh Charles...please forgive me..." Her lips found his and they kiss over and over, passionately, tears falling between them. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...to hurt you..."

He brought her close to him, wanting to feel all of her. "Let's go away...together...come with me Elsie." He cried against her soft hair. "I don't want to leave you."

"What about Downton, your work..."

"I'll leave it...I'll do whatever you want. Just be...with me." He pulled her away from him and pleaded with her, both of their eyes brimming with tears.

Elsie swallowed the lump in her throat. "How? How could it ever work Charles?"

Suddenly both of them were stopped by voices in the near distance. Charles looked out. "Oh bullocks...it looks like Lord Grantham and one of the stable boys." He glanced around quickly. "Elsie...I have to hide."

"WHAT? What am I supposed to tell them? Charles? They've no doubt been worried sick about you?! What if they see the horse? Then what?" She followed him to the bedroom. "Charles!"

He grabbed a hold of her shoulders. "Elsie...I can't go yet. They will expect me to go with them and it will take some time to explain why I haven't left before now. The ground is drying up, you know as well as I do, I could've made it back earlier." His eyes plead with her.

She doesn't wish him to leave either but she is scared to be confronted. "Oh Charles..." She glanced about her. "Hide in here, they won't come in, surely. They have no reason to. I will tell them you dropped me off 2 days ago and headed back. Oh Charles...I hate to lead them to believe something awful has happened."

"It will be okay...I will go soon...it will be okay. He leaned in and kissed her. "Trust me."

The voices and horses hooves grew louder and she left him in the bedroom.

Elsie reached the opened door just as Lord Grantham rode up. "Mrs. Burns, I'm sorry to bother you but we have come looking for Mr. Carson."

"Oh?" Elsie prayed silently that she could manage this lie without revealing anything.

"Yes. I understand he brought you home 2 days ago and he never returned." Robert Grantham struggled to steady his horse as he talked.

"Uh...yes...he did bring me...but he left just after. I tried to get him to stay as the rain was so heavy." She lowered her head.

"Yes well...it seems Mr. Carson has disappeared into thin air." Robert glanced at the stable boy and Elsie prayed they would not ask to come in.

"Well, if he happens by, you will please let him know we are all worried sick about him. I just pray he is okay. We are sorry to bother you Mrs. Burns." Robert clicked his tongue and his horse took off down the hill with the young lad following.

Elsie watched them until they are out of sight and walked slowly back to the bedroom. Charles sat on the bed staring at the floor, his hands folded in front of him. She crawled onto the bed behind him and wrapped her arms around him from behind and laid her head on his back. He smoothed his hand down her arm. "Go with me..." he whispered. She doesn't answer and he knows. He turned his body and laid on his back, she shifted her position and laid in the crook of his arm.

"What about Joe? He wouldn't know how to take care of himself."

"People adjust. He would find a way Elsie."

"...and Benjamin?"

"He's nearly grown..."

"He's only 16 Charles. He's just getting started in life...how could I leave him now?"

He sighed heavily. His heart ached deeper than he could ever remember. He patted her arm and pulled her to him. "We don't have to decide right now. We can wait awhile. I'll go back to the Abbey and you can take your time, think about it."

She sat up on her elbow and gazed at him, both of their eyes red and watery. "I don't know what will happen Charles. I can't make you any promises."

"It's alright. You don't have to say anything right now. Just...just think about it." His eyes were so kind and loving. She leaned up and kissed him again. "I love you Elsie."

"I love you too...I think..." she shook her head. "I'm sorry Charles. I don't know..." she began to cry harder. "I don't want to love you...it's not right for me to love you. But I do...I've never felt this way about another person."

Charles held her tightly as she cried. "Shhh...love...it's alright. We don't have to figure this out right now."


	9. Chapter 9

It's early morning, the sun is barely up and Charles was quiet, watching her sleep. A tear ran down his nose, he licked it away when it touched his lips. He knew it was time, he must go or there will be more to answer than he would be prepared for. He leaned over and kissed her lips, ran his hands down her bare side, over her hip.

She responded to his warm touch and moved into him, kissed him back. "Mmmm..." she hummed in his ear, nipped at his ear lobe, kissed his neck.

He crawled on top of her, she responded by parting her thighs, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He loved her with every fiber of his being, deep, connected and passionate. He brought her to climax, sat up and watched her move, shudder beneath him; watched her eyes roll back in her head and her fingers grip the bed linens, her mouth open and crying his name. He slowed down and let her relax before he continued. He pulled away from her and moved slowly down her body, dipped his head and mouth at her breasts, suckled there, licked and took her into his mouth, his tongue circled each hard, pink nipple before moving down to the centre of her. Elsie gasped for air and called his name again and again. He thought of how he loved to hearing her say his name, breathless and wanting. He entered her before she came again and this time it was hard and shaking, it didn't take him long to reach his end. She had assured him, pregnancy was not possible, she and Joe had never been cautious and she had never been able to conceive except for Benjamin. She opened her eyes wide as he came inside her and something happened...physiologically, she felt a change, a shift. Suddenly she was filled with an odd feeling. She held Charles close as his body relaxed on top of her; kissed the sweat from his pectorals, his neck, cheek.

###

The early morning turned into morning and the mood was sombre between them. She knew he was leaving her shortly. She made him tea and they sat quietly at the table. He finally broke the silence. "Elsie..." his voice was thick with emotion. "Please think about me...consider..."

She turned her head and wiped the tears streaming down her face.

Tears dropped onto his cheeks. "I have to go now." He stood up and the sound of the chair was deafening against the wooden floor.

She stood and wiped more tears. "Wait...Charles...I want to give you something." Elsie disappeared into the bedroom and returned a moment or two later. She came to him,took his hand in hers and turned his palm up, dropping a small a small locket into it.

Charles gazed at it. "What...is...it?" He asked while opening it. It was a tiny picture of Elsie when she was young. He smiled at her adoringly.

"It's me...my mother wore it..well that and another identical one with my sister's picture. My faither gave us them to us when she passed. I have no use of it here." She lowered her head. "I want you to have it..."

His dark eye lashes were wet with tears. "I will cherish it. I will keep it close to me Elsie, right with me so I will feel you." The gesture meant so much to him. She reached up and cupped his cheek, wiped away a tear from his cheek when he leaned down and kissed her fully on the mouth. He knew if he didn't do it now, he might never go. Tears filling both of their eyes, he walked to the door, her still clinging to his hand. "My love...until..."

Elsie burst into tears and covered her face with her hands as he walked out the door. She didn't move until she heard the sound of the horses hooves against the ground then she had to see him. She ran to the door and whispered his name as he rode down the hillside then she slumped to the floor and cried.

*I'm not sure if this is finished or not…we shall see.


	10. Chapter 10

Elsie stood naked in front of the mirror, she smoothed her hands down her slender frame, across her belly. She rubbed her hand around her belly. It was flat, a small pooch that she had never lost from her first and only pregnancy. She closed her eyes and began to cry...again. The memory of his touch, his kiss, was too much. _'I can't do this...'_ she thought. How would she ever manage her emotions once Joe and Benjamin returned home. She had not gone 10 minutes without crying since Charles had rode away from the cottage that morning. She had truly expected her husband and son before now but her heart was too broken to worry. She felt ashamed that her thoughts were only for him and what had happened these last four days. She felt different, her body was different.

She finally dressed. It was late in the day but she did have to look like she was okay when her family arrived home. Soon, the familiar sound of the wagon and horses reached her ears and her heart leapt in her throat. She truly was relieved to know they were alright. She wiped her eyes, tucked the loose tendrils of her hair behind her ears and put on a smile as she reached the doorway.

"Hi mum!" Ben came through the door and kissed her on the cheek. "How'd you get on without us?" He took his satchel off and threw it on the kitchen table.

"Oh...I got on fine love. Nearly washed away though!"

"Hello pet." Joe came through the door and pecked her on the cheek. "Damn mess this rain has caused!" He grumbled.

"Yeah...it is isn't it? What trouble did you run into?" Joe took his hat off and laid it on the table. Elsie didn't say a word but removed the satchel and the hat and hung them both on the hooks by the door. "I've never seen the likes of this kind of rain."

"We missed it..mostly. It got us about an hour outside of Bristol but it was beautiful in Bristol. It took us a little longer to get back, roads washed out all over the county."

"What's to eat mum? We're famished!" Ben sat at the table as did Joe.

"I have sandwiches...I wasn't able to get out and do much so I didn't cook." Her heart sank a little. She had never been so unprepared to care for them. "I'm sorry love..." she rung her hands and turned to get the bread.

"It's okay mum...sandwiches are fine!"

_'God i love this lad!'_ she thought to herself. _ 'how could i ever leave him?' _She turned to toward the sink to hide her emotion.

They ate, telling Elsie all about their trip, the market place, the pub they went to each evening. "Da let me have a pint!" Ben grinned as big as he possibly could.

"Well don't you get used to that!" Elsie couldn't help but smile.

"It were just one love." Joe chewed a piece of bread and gestured toward his wife.

"It's okay..." She reached over and touched his hand.

They finished supper and Elsie chose to leave the dishes for later and joined them in the living room. Joe fixed a glass of scotch, held the vessel up and remarked, "Did you drink a lot while we were away?" He held it up and smiled at her.

Elsie's heart stopped for a moment. She had totally forgotten about the scotch. He wouldn't have known about the ale, she always got him that but she rarely touched the scotch. "Uh...I did love...I'm sorry."

He paid little attention and sat in his chair and grabbed the paper he brought with him from the village. "Unnerved were ye by the storms?"

She was so thankful he was so easy going and clueless. "Yes...yes...oh it was awful at times and I was...it helped ease my nerves..."

"Mmm..." he grunted and took a sip, the paper in front of his face.

"Well...I'm going to bed." Ben got up and kissed Elsie. "Good night."

"Good night pet. I love you." Elsie kissed him back.

Elsie sat quietly watching her husband. Her heart was aching...for Charles. Her body was aching for him and his touch. She knew that touch would not come from Joe. But she _needed_ him tonight. She was sick to her stomach at the woman she had become in just four days. 'An _adulterer' _...she thought, _'a plotter...' _She had never really seduced her own husband but things had changed and she was worried.

She followed Joe to bed when he announced he was going. He had turned and gave her a curious gaze. "What ye doin?" he questioned.

"Going to bed." She couldn't look at him.

"Since when? You never go when I go!" He talked while taking his clothes off. He stood naked for a moment, before slipping his dressing gown over his head. She sighed deeply, knowing this would be a challenge. She didn't want Joe but she needed him to make love to her.

He got into bed and Elsie hesitated, turned her back to him. She slowly undressed, hoping he might watch and become aroused. She slipped in beside him sans her night gown, her knickers. She was trembling and closed her eyes, praying she could calm herself. She finally turned to him, pressed her body against his. Joe just looked at her. "What are you doing Elsie?" His words hurt even though they weren't unkind necessarily. He had every right to question her, she never did this.

"I...just...missed you...that's all." She lied.

"Oh you did?" He smiled slightly. "Hmmm...interesting..." She brought her hand to his face and caressed his cheek. "Well...let's see what we can do about that." Joe wasn't a romantic, that was for sure, but he _was_ a man. He had never done much to help Elsie feel like she was desirable to him. She had been so perplexed by this. He loved her, she didn't question that but he had never exhibited any real desire for passion. He was not a lover...not even close to what Charles had been.

"I'm tired Elsie...it's been a long day. I'm not sure if I've got it in me tonight." He sighed heavily and reached under the covers and started stroking himself. He spent some time before Elsie reached down and tried to help. "NO! I can do it..."he grumbled, annoyed.

Elsie turned on her back, turned her face away from him, tears streamed down at her temples. She closed her eyes and thought of her lover, Charles, as Joe climbed on top of her. She parted her thighs and he entered her with clumsy force. She was dry and she winced at the pain. He was none the wiser. She squeezed her eyes shut and it wasn't long before it over. He emptied himself inside her and that was what she wanted...that was all she wanted from him.


	11. Chapter 11

Charles Carson crashed his fists down onto the wooden table in the servant's dining hall causing everyone to jump. "YOU WILL MIND YOUR TONGUE THOMAS OR YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF ON THE STREET WITHOUT A REFERENCE! I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH!" Carson's face was read with anger and everyone looked on in silence at the Butler. Most of all, Thomas sat dumbfounded, embarrassed, his head low.

Carson scooted his chair back and stormed out, the finale was the slamming of his pantry door. Everyone cautiously looked around at one another, no one dared to speak. It was Mrs. Walker that spoke up as Mrs. Patmore came flying into the hall. "Everything is fine Mrs. Patmore!" She eyed her with a knowing look. Mrs. Patmore opened her mouth but caught Mrs. Walker's glare and thought better of it. She glanced at the Butler's closed door and then back at Mrs. Walker. The housekeeper gave her the slightest nod. "Alright...everyone...let's finish up and get on with our day." Mrs. Walker directed.

"Whatever is going on with him?" Beryl Patmore, ever the newsmonger, spoke in hushed tones inside Mrs. Walker's sitting room.

"I don't know but something..I'll tell ya. I've never seen him more on edge and unhappy. I mean I know he's not the jolliest of fella's but he's downright angry about something and has been..."

"I know..." Beryl brought her hand to her mouth and was deep in thought when a knock came at the door.

"Sorry to bother but Mrs. Burns is here. She is dropping off a dress for Lady Mary." Anna Smith smiled at the two ladies.

"Oh yes...send her in."

"Well that's just it, she said she doesn't have time to come in and asked if you would be so kind as to take the dress for her."

Mrs. Walker and Patmore look at one another, quizzically. "Oh okay. The housekeeper stood and Beryl behind her. They both walked down the hall to the back door. "How do you do Elsie?" Mrs. Walker opened the door and held it open for Elsie to come in.

"No...no...I can't come in today. Can you please take Lady Mary's dress to her? I'm certain it fits, her last fitting had very few adjustments. I've...I've got to get into the village and back before dark." Elsie seemed distressed and nervous. Both the housekeeper and cook noticed.

"Oh..alright then Elsie..we will miss chatting today." She furrowed her brow, thought she saw tears spring in Elsie's eyes.

"Is everything...alright love?"

"Yes...yes...I'm fine. It's just...I am in a hurry." Elsie handed Mrs. Walker the dress bag and took her leave toward the village before they could say another word.

###

"Mrs. Burns?" Elsie's heart stopped beating and she stopped but didn't turn. "Mrs. Burns...might I have a word?" Charles jogged slightly to reach her, he was dressed in a day suit and his bowler hat. "I...I saw you...thought I might walk with you...into the village."

She swallowed the huge lump that had formed in her throat. Every single emotion came rushing in and she literally thought she might fall over. She was dizzy and sick feeling. "Char..." she glanced about her and lowered her head, trying to take in deep breath's to steady herself.

He took her elbow. "Are you alright..." He bent enough to see her teary eyes. "Elsie..."

She shook her head. "We shouldn't do this Charles..." she kept her head low. "Someone might see us."

"We aren't doing anything but walking into the village together." Charles heart pulled in his chest. "I've missed you Elsie."

Elsie straightened her back and resumed her walk, determined not let his presence deter her from her mission. She had to go for fabric and needles. She had thrown herself into her work in the last few weeks. It helped her cope with her wild emotions. "You'll have to walk with me, I've not much time and I have to get fabric." She stated but never looked at him.

Charles got as close he possibly could without raising questions, should someone see them. Frankly he didn't really care what anyone thought or said. He wanted her, wanted to be hers. "Have you missed me? I've missed you so much I've thought I will surely die, Elsie. I've never hurt this bad. I don't know if I can live without you."

The desperation in his voice was wrecking her even more. Hot tears began to pour down her cheeks but she kept walking. "Charles...you can't. I can't leave Joe...and Ben..I CANNOT leave Ben."

"Elsie...please." Charles picked up his step to reach her so he could see her face. "I know you love me. I _know_ you do!" He gritted his teeth and tears begin to form in his own eyes. "You know it too..."

She picked up her pace and Charles glanced about them. Without warning, he stepped in front of her, held her tightly, pushed her behind a tall row of hedges. "OH! CHARLES!" She was forced to take hold of him. "What are you doing?"

"Elsie..." His eyes were almost wild with despair, tears spilling over their boundaries.

She couldn't stand it, the love and the hurt in his eyes were too much. "She brought her gloved hand up and wiped at a tear on his cheek. "Charles...oh..." He leaned down, she reached up, they kissed. She continued to cry, thinking she could not do this...but oh how she wanted to feel him again. "Oh...Char..." She dropped her pocketbook and wrapped both hands around his neck, deepening the kiss, her tongue finding his.

Charles wrapped her in his arms and smiled against her lips. "Oh my love...my darling..." he kissed her over and over.

###

They kissed until their lungs betrayed them. It was fuel and fire and heat, desire but Charles never crossed a line and didn't want to, not here, not now. He just needed to touch her, kiss her again. Elsie felt the same. She didn't need to make love to feel completely amorous and satiated with love and desire for him. They touched and kissed and gazed into each other's watery eyes, wishing it was enough.

"You look beautiful." He whispered in her ear, holding her close to him. He pulled her away, held her hands in his and glanced down at her body. "You look so lovely."

Elsie blushed and tucked her head down. He was smiling, she was crying. "Charles." She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "I must be off. I have to get back home before dark." An insane thought crossed her mind. They could leave…right now. They could walk into this village, catch a car to the train station and just go, just disappear. Live in a small village in Italy or France and spend their days loving each other and raise… She halted the thoughts and shook them away and made to leave.

Charles grabbed her hand. "Elsie! Wait! Have you thought any more…"

"Charles, I cannot…." Fresh tears spilled onto her cheeks. "I've told you….I can't do this."

"Okay…okay I understand. But…I've been thinking. Maybe we could just see each other…just set a time and place and see each other like…maybe once a week. My half day is Thursday afternoon. Surely we could meet…and just spend a little time together." He pleaded with her.

The expectancy in his voice just broke her heart again. She knew agreeing to meet him would be a mistake. She could not risk being found out and meeting, on a regular basis, would surely bring enough opportunity to be found. She took his hands in hers and gave him an apologetic yet loving gaze. "My love…oh my darling man. I cannot see a way round this. I have to take care of my family and it's not right Charles. I don't want to want to be a…" She couldn't say it. "I must go…" She pulled free of his grip and started off but turned and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Goodbye." Charles stood and watched her walk away from him. He couldn't bring himself to follow.


	12. Chapter 12

Oh THANK YOU loves for all your words of encouragement and love of this story. Seee...you compelled to keep writing on it. I hope you will continue reading and reviewing! xoxo

* * *

Elsie sat on the edge of the bed, holding a small calendar. Joe was in the fields and Ben was at school. She had cried for the last hour. The realization that she had known since the day Charles left, was too much for her this morning. It had been almost 4 months and she was beginning to show. Her monthly had never come but she didn't need that to confirm what she knew in her heart. She had never felt the way she did the last time they made love, immediately she felt it; she knew in the very depth of her soul what had taken place. She had thought so much about it; thought something almost supernatural had occurred because truthfully, how could a woman know…instantly? It wasn't long before she could feel, physically the effects on her body. Her breasts were sore, her emotions were erratic and she was nauseated and exhausted. She was grateful that the sickness stayed at bay and she wasn't obviously sick in front of Joe and Ben. She got up and marked a small dot on the tiny box labeled April 16, 1908 and put the calendar in her dresser drawer. She hated herself for what she had done, the lies she had told, and the lies she would continue to tell. '_Who have I become, a woman who seduces her husband to make love to her so that she can cover up the sin? _She ponders. The memory makes her literally sick and she ran to the toilet to empty her stomach.

"Mum? Are ye alright?" Elsie jumped, she didn't know Benjamin had come in and she was sobbing at the kitchen table. "What is it mum?" He sat down and pulled his chair closer to her, putting his arm around her. Benjamin Burns was a kind and funny lad with a heart as sensitive as a kitten.

"Oh Benny…I'm fine. I just…." Elsie got up and walked to the sink, cursing herself for letting her emotions get the better of her now…here.

"Mum..I can see you aren't fine! Now what is wrong?" Ben went to the sink and stared at her.

"It's just…" Elsie turned and looked at her sweet lad. "Oh darling lad. I'm just sad, thinking about me mum and da, wishing I could go see my sister."

Ben put his arm around her. "Ah mum, it's alright. You should go!"

Elsie wiped her tears and chuckled. "Go where love?"

"…to visit Aunt Lillian." He smiled his beautiful toothy grin at her. "You could do it mum…Da's got the money, he would let you go. I could help him here, cook for him and make sure..you know he was getting along."

Elsie pulled her son into a strong, sturdy hug. "You are the best lad I know!"

"I'm serious! You should go. It would help you…" his tone turned serious.

Elsie watched him, knew that worried look. "What is it?" She took his hand and pulled him back to the kitchen table where they sat. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"It's just..I want you to feel happy. I want you to be happy mum." He looked at her and his chin quivered just a bit and his brilliant blue eyes twinkled with a tear.

"Oh my darling." She stood and pulled him to her chest and tears rushed to their boundaries. Benjamin let a tear or two fall down his cheeks. "I'm okay…_you_ make me okay. You make me happier than anything in this world." She put her hands on his face and lifted his head up. "Don't ever forget that Benjamin? I love you more than anything."

Ben nodded and gave her a smile, leaning his head against her once again. Elsie pushed the vehement emotions that were just at the surface deep inside her. _'Oh Ben, I've made a mess of everything…I hope you can forgive me.'_ She thought and hugged her son to her as if she would never let go.

###

Elsie had not seen Charles in three months. She had avoided the Abbey and was grateful Lady Grantham had not needed anything of late. However she expected to get word any day as the holiday season was just around the corner and she, no doubt, would be commissioned to make holiday dresses. She worried what she would do…say…when she showed up there with a huge, pregnant belly.

She sat Joe and Ben down one night at supper and blurted it out. "I'm pregnant!" She had not anticipated Joe's reaction. He was thrilled, elated, stunned and excited. She told him when she was due, reminded him of the night he returned from Market in Bristol.

That night Joe tucked in beside her, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the mouth. "Well…never thought we would go down this road again! Isn't it odd, Elsie?" She was miserable, his touch was too much of a reminder what she was…had become.

"It's just so boggling." He went on and on about how he could not believe after 16 years, she was pregnant.

###

Elsie laid reposed in the bath; she had placed a bar of soap on her swollen, protruding belly and laughed when it would leap off into the water. She smiled and poked at the tiny protrusion to encourage more movement. "Do you like a warm bath wee bairn?" she purred and caressed her belly. It wasn't long, as usual, that didn't start thinking of Charles. Not only had she betrayed her husband, she was now denying a man the right to know his only child. She laid her head back and cried miserable tears. She was only 2 months out from giving birth to Charles' child and he had no idea. These thoughts were like a prison to her now. She was consumed with it, with what she had done, was doing. At what point would she take responsibility she wondered. She must. It was the only way she could live with herself. Somehow she thought she had to find a way to let Charles know and she prayed…for anything… that would prepare him, for him to know that she would have to raise this child as Joe's. _'Oh..how God? Please help me.'_ She cried.

Elsie had no way of getting a message to Charles, that would be safe. She would have to take her chances and go to the Abbey. She chose to go on his ½ day, that way if he were there, they might be able to take a walk and find a secluded place to talk. If he wasn't there, she could wander into the village and see if she met him. She knew he was never one for gallivanting off on his day off and he would likely only go to the village.


	13. Chapter 13

"I need to go Joe." Elsie rubbed her hand across her forehead, sitting at the kitchen table.

"And what if you go into labor? What if something happens and you're on a train, by yourself!" He stomped around the kitchen. "God woman..you are stubborn!"

"I know you don't understand but I need to visit Lillian before the bairn comes. It's important to me. And I'll be fine. It's another 6 weeks, I'll only be gone for 3 days and I'll be with Lillian and William." She pleads with her husband. Elsie felt good and confident that she could get away for a few days; she needed to see her sister, needed to talk. Her sister was 2 years older and they had always been fiercely close. She wasn't sure if she could tell her about Charles but it was her hope that she would be able to. Lillian and William had gotten married because they had to; she had gotten pregnant with their oldest son before they married so she felt like her sister could be objective. She was the only person in the world she could tell.

"I don't think it's a good idea but if you insist, I'll drive you to the station."

Elsie closed her eyes in relief. "Thank you. Everything will be alright." Joe left the cottage and she sat and cried. There was one thing she had to do before she left. She went to get dressed.

###

Charles sat at his desk going over the wine ledger. He had gotten on with things, somewhat. It had been months since he had even seen Elsie and while his nights were filled with dreams of her, his days were filled with work. He had managed to push down the incessant thoughts during the day. The pain of not being with her had dulled slightly but the night was always the worst, when the lights were out and the only sounds were the groaning of this grand house. A loud knock at the pantry door caused him to jump. "Buggers!" he mumbled. "Come in!" he replied, slightly annoyed.

"Mr. Carson, Mrs. Burns is here, she asked to speak with you." Carson's heart stopped. He had the wherewithal to act with propriety, not leaving anything to chance.

"Oh? Wonder why she wants to see me?"

"I've no idea but should I send her in...here, in your pantry?"

"Uh..no..I'll go out. I need to head to the village anyway to pick something up. Thank you Gwen."

Charles mouth went dry. He took a small bottle of aftershave from his desk drawer and smoothed it across his neck and patted his cheeks. He smoothed his hair in the small mirror on the wall and stepped into the servant's hall. She stood at the end of the hall, near the back door. His heart clenched tight in his chest and he took in a great breath. _'My Elsie.._.

"Mrs. Burns...how are you?" He tried to put on his most professional voice.

"I'm fine thank you for asking. I wondered if I might have a word?" She whispered.

"Certainly, I have to go into the village; would you like to join me on my walk?"

Elsie was grateful for his keen intuition. "Of course." Charles held the door open for her to pass between them. She certainly noticed the tight squeeze between her belly and his but he did not. She wore a coat that was more snug than it ever had been but she effectively covered her little secret.

She waited until they were a ways from the house before she spoke. "Charles...there's something I need to tell you."

_'Oh god...' _He thought to himself. Her tone and countenance were low and he feared the worst. "Okay..."

"Is there a place we could..."

"Yes...follow me..." He anticipated her every thought, move, leading them to a very secluded part of the estate. It was quite a walk and Elsie was winded long before they reached their destination.

"Is it much longer Charles?" She stopped and without thinking rested her hand on her belly.

Charles looked at her curiously. "Are you alright?" He started for her.

"Yes yes...keep going..I'm fine." She waved her hand in an onward motion.

"It's just here...round this bend."

It was a beautiful spot, not that most areas of the Downton estate weren't beautiful. Elsie imagined Charles had walked this entire property in his nearly 30 years here. Certainly he would know every hill and dale, garden and stream. Charles took his jacket off and laid it out on the ground for Elsie to sit. She stared and wondered how she would get down there and back up at 8 months pregnant. She stared at Charles, a look of worry on her face. "Elsie? Are you alright? Charles asked again, this time taking her by the elbow.

"Well...yes and no." Tears filled her eyes and she looked away, off into the distance.

"What is it? Tell me. My imagination is running wild Elsie."

She began to unbutton her coat and let it fall open. She reached up and took his hand and brought it to her swollen belly. She had purposeful worn a thin cotton dress that would not hide this precious secret she had been keeping for 8 months. Elsie bit her bottom lip and slowly turned her gaze upwards to meet his hazel orbs. She had anticipated the look he was returning; confusion, wonderment. His palm was warm against the place that held their little one. She guided his hand around the soft fabric of her dress, across the tautness of her belly. Tears began to fall from her eyes and when she looked at him again, huge tears were just about to escape down his cheeks.

"Els..." he choked on the words, his voice just barely a whisper. "Elsie...what...wh?"

She reached up and padded away a tear on his cheek and stood up on tip toes to kiss him. "Charles, I'm going to have a baby..._our_ baby."

Charles brought his hands to his face and sobbed, openly and without reservation. He eventually brought her into his arms and continued to cry.

Elsie cried with him, held him close, her belly a slight, welcome, intrusion. She finally laughed. "I would love to sit Charles...but you'll have to give me a hand."

He pulled away from her. "Oh...of course love...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought you this far...I'm sorry..." He bent and touched her belly with his large palm again. "Oh my darling.." Elsie started to sit and he helped her down.

"It's alright Charles, I'm fine...I'm perfectly fine." She sat up as straight as she could and took in a deep breath.

Charles sat down beside her. "Oh god Elsie...oh god..." he was breathing hard and tears still in his eyes."How? I mean...not how...but when, how long? What does..."

She took his hand in hers. "Charles...calm down...I'm going to tell you everything." He struggled to get his breath and nodded, he couldn't help but stare at her belly.


	14. Chapter 14

She rested her hand on her stomach and closed her eyes. Her voice was shaky and she struggled to begin. "I knew Charles...the moment I conceived. I knew I was pregnant before you left the cottage that day."

"What?" He furrowed his brow in question. "How?

She lowered her head and shook it. "I don't know. It was almost...a spiritual…supernatural thing Charles. She looked at him again. "I can't explain it, I just knew, I felt it." His eyes were sad and he grew very quiet, a silence settled between them for a long moment.

Elsie reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, the gravity of the situation was apparent; neither of them could deny it. This would change everything...for both of them. She silently wondered if she had made the right decision...to tell him. She could have this baby and raise it as Joe's and go on with her life the way it was. No one would question, likely not even Charles would. But then he looked at her, those eyes, that half smile and her heart melted. She had never looked at Joe and felt like that, never gazed at him and wanted him so much that she had to touch him, kiss him.

"You're so beautiful Elsie." he brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. He thought of how truly glowing she was. Her face was flushed pink, her breasts were full and round and her belly...oh this belly that was holding his child. "What do we do?" he whispered.

A tear escaped down her cheek. "I don't know Charles." I'm 38 years old and about to give birth. Joe thinks it's his of course. Ben is elated." Her voice trailed off and she cried.

Charles' heart sank. He knew what kind of weight this was, nothing had ever come close to this size of problem yet he struggled to see it as a problem. It was for her, he knew that but resolved that she only need say the word and he would leave everything he knew to be with her and now his child, _their_ child. He leaned back putting the weight on the palms of his hands in the grass, his legs outstretched. "Oh Elsie...I cannot say I'm not happy because the truth is, I'm overjoyed to be having a child with you. Of course, that was something I had put behind me, years ago, when I entered service. I would never hope to be married and have children. I certainly never thought...well" He trailed off. "...so you said that Joe thinks it's his, that would mean you and he..." he blushed and looked down at the placket of his trousers.

"Yes..we...did," She was filled with such shame. "…the day he came home from Bristol."

Charles felt crushed again. "I see."

It was important to her that he knew why. "Charles, I panicked. I knew I was with child and Joe and I so infrequently make love and I knew that if he put it all together, he would know...and...I..." she shook her head in disgust at herself. "I've made such a mess of everything. I've ruined myself. I've defiled my marriage and I've hurt you. Now I have this wee bairn that I'm bringing into this mess."

"Elsie...you could be bringing this child into a wonderful world with parents that are madly in love with each other and surrounded by love." He moved closer to her and put his hand on her thigh. She shifted her weight as if she were uncomfortable. "Come here..." He opened his legs and guided her to sit between them. She leaned her back against his chest and reveled at his touch, his hands on either side of her round belly. She covered his hands with hers and he touched the soft, creamy skin of her neck with his lips. "I love you Elsie. I want to be here for you..and our child." he whispered, trailing kisses down her neck.

Elsie let him love her. She needed it. Joe had been more attentive to her health but not her emotions since he found out she was with child. He made sure she sat down and didn't work too hard and ate well but he had not touched her, been aroused by her fuller breasts or even told her she was beautiful. Charles had seen her only twice since she was carrying his child and he had noticed and made it a point to tell her how beautiful she was. And now it was evident he was very turned on by her, the movement of his hands and the touch of his lips told her so. She reached up behind her and wrapped her hands in his hair. "Oh Charles..." Soon they were lost in passion, she was lying on her back and he on his side next to her, they kissed with such passion, such love.

"I want to see you..." he said.

"What do you mean?" She smiled.

"I want to see your belly...your breasts..." Charles bit his bottom lip and smoothed his hand across her belly for the hundredth time. He was fascinated by it, had never been so close to a pregnant woman's stomach. He leaned down and kissed her stomach, laid his cheek there and closed his eyes against her.

Elsie smiled and ran her hands through his hair. They were in the middle of nowhere; Elsie thought she could at least give him this pleasure. She would raise his child with another man and live out a lie to hold her family together. Charles would only be a spectator soon. She would give him this. She sat up. "Unbutton my dress." Her voice was sultry and full of desire. Charles made swift work of the buttons at her back and untied the belt that was loose around her waist. "Is it safe? No one will see us?" She whispered.

"No...it's safe." He helped her stand and she slipped the dress over her head. She glanced around, nervously. Her full breasts spilled over the top of her shift and it fit rather snug over her belly, she pulled the shift up and over her head as well and stood looking at him. Charles' eyes were wide with wonder. "Oh Elsie…my beautiful Elsie." Tears formed again in his eyes. Her belly was smooth and taut, her belly button protruding. He laughed through tears when he smoothed his hands over her swollen belly. He encouraged her and helped her sit again and then joined her.

She stroked a curl that had fallen onto his forehead. "Why do I feel so good with you?" She cried. "Why does the world seem to melt away when we're together?!"

He brought her into his arms. "Because it's right Elsie! What you and I have is lovely and meant to be….it's love." He implored her with his eyes.

"OH!" Elsie gasped and brought her hand to her stomach. She grabbed his hand and put it there as well.

"What? Are you okay?" Charles' eyes were wild. "

A grin spread her lips out. "Yes…feel just there…"

They sat in silence for a moment until Charles gasped and pulled his hand back. "What was that?" He looked horrified.

Elsie started laughing. "That was your child…saying hello!"


	15. Chapter 15

Carson walked happily back into the Abbey only to be accosted by Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Patmore and several other staff members.

"MR. CARSON! Where is Mrs. Burns?" Mrs. Walker rushed toward Carson as he came in the door, her voice was fraught with panic.

"Uh...I don't know...why?" Carson stammered, taken aback by the abrupt question. His hands burst with perspiration. "I...I saw her briefly on my walk to the village but..."

"There's been a terrible accident! Her son has been here looking for her, he said she had told them she was stopping by here. Gwen said you had gone to the village and we thought you might have known where she got off to.

Carson's heart began to pound. "What it it?"

Mrs. Walker's expression was grave. "It's Mr. Burns. His son was so distraught when he arrived that we couldn't understand him...something about them chopping trees down and Mr. Burns was hit."

"Is he alive?" Carson questioned with true concern.

"I don't know Mr. Carson, but I'm afraid for Mrs. Burns to walk up on a horrid scene. Lord Grantham has gone in the car to survey.

"Yes...of course. I will go and see if I can find her. Stay here in case anyone comes with news." With that Carson fled through the back door.

Carson ran to the horse barn and took a horse, going as fast as he could he reached Elsie on the road. "Elsie...Elsie..." Charles jumped off the horse as he reached her.

"What is it?" Elsie knew something was seriously wrong.

Charles struggled to get his breath. "Elsie...there's been an accident..."

"What? Where?"

"The farm...it's Joe." He hesitated.

"WHAT? What has happened? How do you know?"

"When I returned to the Abbey, Mrs. Walker was waiting...said your son had been there looking for you. Lord Grantham has already gone to see what has happened."

"Oh God..." She started to run toward the cottage.

"NO! Elsie...let me take you..." Charles stepped forward and caught her arm. You can't jeopardize your health...or the...baby's." He looked at her with love and concern.

Elsie's heart pounded hard in her chest and her breathing went shallow. "Okay...okay...yes..."

Charles carefully helped her into the saddle. He geed the horse and it lurched forward, neither of them thinking about the questions their arrival might bring forth.

The scene was chaotic around the cottage, horses and the car that Lord Grantham had come in was there.

"MUM!" Ben ran to Elsie as Charles helped her down from the horse. He engulfed her when he reached her, nearly knocking her over. Charles grabbed her from behind to steady her. "MUM...IT'S DA! HE...HE...WE...I WAS HELPING HIM CUT BACK THE ORCHARD TREES AND...OH MUM!" Benjamin sobbed into Elsie's shoulder.

"Benjamin! Look at me..." Elsie pulled him away and grabbed his face in her hands. "Calm down lad...tell me what happened...where is your faither?"

Ben pointed to the cottage, sobbing, snot running down his nose. Elsie reached up and wipes his cheeks, his nose with her hand. "Okay...love...it's okay...Mum's here." Elsie bit her lip, stifled the tears. "Is...Da...is he...alive Ben?"

"I don't know...I don't know...I don't think so!" Ben spun around and pulled at his hair, hollering. "OH GOD MUM..."

Pushing down the vehement emotion building in her, the fear racking her mind right now, Elsie took her son by the shoulders. "Benjamin Lance...look at me! I want you to calm down. It's going to be okay." She looked at Charles and then back at Ben. "This is...my friend...Ben, Mr. Carson. You stay here with him for a moment, I'm going to go check on things and I will be right back." She held Ben's face in her hands again, straightening his head to look at her directly. "Benny...okay? I'll be right back." She looked at Charles again and he nodded and stepped forward putting his arm around Ben. She wiped a tear from her cheek, squared her shoulders and marched toward the door of her home.

Charles' heart broke for her and Benjamin. He had seen the lad from time to time, only from a distance, but his heart went out to him now. "I'm sure everything will be alright chap." Charles looked on, worried for her, for what she was going to find.

"Oh Mrs. Burns!" Lord Grantham stood in front of Elsie as she tried to come through the door. "They are going to take him to hospital." Lord Grantham took her hands in his and spoke softly. "Mrs. Burns...i would want to try to spare you from this scene. It is gruesome and it would be my wish that you not be vexed by this sight. Please let the men take him straight away and we will carry you and your son behind them.

Elsie brought her trembling hand to her lips and gave Lord Grantham a pleading look. "I want to see him...I want to see my husband."

He released her and she lunged forward into the living room where Joe lay. His face and neck were covered in blood, in fact it was hard to see any facial features because of the amount of blood. Elsie let out a cry of despair and ran to him, falling to her knees in front of his lifeless body. "Joe! Darling...it's me...it's Elsie...I'm here love. I'm here now. It's going to be okay." She took his hand and brought it to her lips, tried to touch his face but pulled away, her hands shaking and already stained with the blood from the floor and his clothes. "I'm here love...it's going to be alright...they are taking you to hospital where...they are going to fix you right up..."She started to sob when another tenant farmer's wife pushed through the door and through the crowd of men standing in the kitchen.

She knelt beside Elsie on the floor and put her arm around her. "Elsie...love...come...let them take him." Elsie turned to the woman, her mind was a blur, she couldn't think, couldn't speak. "Come..." she helped Elsie up and the men moved in to put Joe on a stretcher.

The room started to spin a little and the Elsie could only hear noise, nothing distinctive. They voices around her were muffled, muted. She thought she was going to be sick and the farmer's wife who held her now recognized that she was going to pass out. "Elsie...help me...she's..." Two men helped hold her up as she closed her eyes and everything went black.


	16. Chapter 16

"Carson! I didn't expect to see you here." Lord Grantham joined the throng of people outside the Burns cottage. They had just left with Joe and several tenant farmer wives were inside attending to Elsie.

"I...uh...brought Mrs. Burns over, she had been in the village and when I got back to the Abbey they let me know what happened and I took one of the horses to find her. Mrs. Walker...was concerned for her to come upon..." Charles remembered Ben standing near by and he stopped speaking. He glanced to the boy and Lord Grantham nodded in understanding.

"Benjamin is it?" Lord Grantham nodded to Charles and turned toward Ben.

"Yes Milord." Benjamin sniffed up his emotion, his eyes were red and swollen. "Is my faither going to be alright sir?"

"They are taking him to hospital now lad and I am praying...that he is going to be alright." Lord Grantham patted Ben on the shoulder. "Now your mother, I didn't know she was with child. She needs a bit of time to rest and then we will take you and her to see him."

"Is me mum alright?" Ben panicked and bolted for the cottage.

"Yes..." Lord Grantham turned to Carson who looked pale. "Carson...what a sad lot. I didn't know Mrs. Burns was with child...did you?"

"I...uh...yes...I did Milord. Excuse me just a moment." Charles stepped around his employer and went to the door of the cottage. His heart was aching terribly. He stepped inside and the ladies there turned to look. "...is Mrs. Burns alright?" he noticed Elsie was lying back on the settee, a cloth over her forehead. Ben had knelt down next to her, her hand in his and his cheek against her head. Charles bit the inside of his jaw to stop the emotion welling up inside him.

"She just blacked out for a moment. I'm sure this ghastly site is what did it. She'll be fine."

Charles was faced with a dilemma. Every ounce of his being needed to go to her, right now, he needed her to know that he was there and everything was going to be okay yet he had no right, not really. This wasn't his home and she was another man's wife; a man that was fighting for his life at this very moment.

Elsie sat up with a jolt. "Where...where is Joe? What happened...?" She rubbed her forehead and squinted her eyes. "Ben? Oh lad.."

"Mum...you blacked out! Mum...look at the blood in here...mum..." Ben started into hysterics again and Charles stepped to him and helped him up.

Elsie had to be mother now and she stood up and took Ben into her arms. "Okay love...we are going to go see about Da." Her eyes finally reached Charles' and she gave him a miserable expression.

He returned the same look but stood perfectly still until she and Ben started out the door. Charles didn't know what to say as she passed. Elsie stopped very close to him and turned to the other farmer's wives. "Thank you for coming." She carefully and inconspicuously reached her hand slightly behind her and hooked her finger around his for just a second and then she and Ben walked out.

"We will stay and clean this mess." The 2 farmer's wives agreed together.

"I can help if need be." Charles offered. The ladies stood speechless. The proper butler of the Abbey offering a hand to clean a tenant's farm house. He stared back, equally as stunned.

###

"I'm so very sorry Mrs. Burns. His injuries were just too extensive for him to survive the accident." Dr. Clarkson, a new doctor at the village hospital delivered the unbearable news to Elsie. Joe was dead. Her husband, her son's father was dead. A day had passed since the accident and Elsie and Ben had not left the hospital. The nurses had fixed a cot next to him so she could at least lie down. Ben had slept some but Elsie, none at all, she was too exhausted now to flail and come undone. She lowered her head and nodded in understanding, a single tear rolled down her cheek. She would go tell Ben, tell him his faither was dead; tell her son that his faither is not coming home with them.

###

Charles made the difficult decision not to go to the funeral of Joe Burns. His heart longed to be there, be with her, but he knew he could not risk anyone raising questions right now. Elsie had been through so much and he worried for her and the health of their unborn child. He hoped that his love for her would be strong enough to get her through this. He went about his days without much feeling. He practiced his duties of propriety and service as always with no interruptions except emotionally. The staff felt it, the family felt it but no one knew what was really going on in the heart and soul of this man who had been their leader for 30 years. He was downtrodden and heart broken.

He took his half day off, every week. This was unusual as he almost never took it before Elsie. He went to the village every Thursday in hopes that she might walk there to pick something up. He had not seen her since the day Joe died. He walked to the village hospital with Lord & Lady Grantham, after hearing he had passed. He said his sympathies and patted Ben on the shoulder, took Elsie's hand in his, just as Lord Grantham had. The only difference was, tears filled his eyes and when he looked at her he conveyed how very much he loved her. That was the last contact he had had with her. And now the birth of his child was drawing near and he could only hope and pray that she was well and that some how, some way, there would be a way for him to be with her. He had racked his brain trying to figure out a plan but nothing seemed to work out in his mind.

###

Elsie was 3 weeks from her due date. She was miserable, both physically and mentally. She was deeply deeply sad and wanted Joe here for Ben's sake, wanted Charles here for her sake. The pain in her heart was so deep that she thought it couldn't possibly ever go away. The guilt she was plagued with was debilitating. Ben was depressed and had his own guilt he was dealing with, despite Elsie's desperate efforts to help him, he had become more and more despondent. He had not gone back to school and Elsie was fearful he never would. Meal times were the hardest. She and Ben sat mostly quiet, there was no lively banter or discussion. It broke her heart that he had been such a happy lad before the accident. He was just sad and pitiful how.

It was Ben helping Joe that day, cutting the orchard trees back. One had died, a huge one, and they needed to cut it down as it was in danger of falling and damaging other trees nearby. As best Ben could describe the accident, it appeared when Joe began to chop at the tree, one very large limb, that had likely been damaged from the devastating storms months earlier, had weakened and they did not realize it. The limb fell and hit Joe squarely in the head. It had split his skull and Ben had witnessed all of it and she later learned it was he who carried Joe to the house. Her heart hurt to even think about it, what he saw, the fear that had to have overtaken him when he had to leave Joe to go find help.

She had written her sister, asking if Ben could come and stay with them for awhile. She thought it might be best if he got away from here. Of course, Lillian had nearly insisted in her return letter. She offered to send William to get him so he wouldn't have to travel alone. Ben reluctantly agreed and he and Elsie both cried at the train station the day he left. He wanted to be there for the birth of the baby and she promised he would be The plan was for Lillian and William would take him for a couple of weeks then they would all travel back in time for the birth. An older woman in the village would be her midwife, she had delivered Ben and just like when Ben was born and how all tenant farmer's wives did it, she would have this baby at home.

###

It was early morning and Elsie had not slept well. Her lower back was hurting so she got out of bed and moved into the living room. It was quiet, too quiet. She hadn't sewn since Joe's death. She had always thrown herself into work when she was down but this time, she couldn't bring herself to do anything. Mrs. Patmore and Mrs. Walker were to visit again today. They had been so kind as to come every week, bringing tea and Mrs. Patmore's delicious desserts. Elsie had not eaten much but Ben loved it. She cried when she thought of him now, wondered how he was.

She sat on the settee and tried to read, her mind wandered to Charles. She recalled the last time she saw him, the day Joe died. He had been so kind to come to the hospital with the Grantham's. It was completely appropriate and she needed that. She needed things to remain appropriate and yet she needed to see him. It appeased her and the look he gave her let her know just how much he loved her and how terribly sad he was along with her. She loved him for that and while she wanted him so badly to hold her, tell her everything would be alright, she loved him for staying away. She wanted him to know she was thinking about him so she got her stationary and sat down at the kitchen table and wrote him a letter. She would tell Mrs. Walker it was a thank you note for all he had done the day of the accident and for coming to the hospital with the Grantham's. She would write a thank you note to Lord and Lady Grantham as well.

_My dearest Charles; I hope this letter finds you well. I'm sorry I've not written before now but I have only just now had the strength to do it. There are no words to express what I'm going through Charles. The guilt I feel for not being here for Joe, for Ben is excruciating. I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent the accident, I don't' know how to forgive myself for not being here when it happened to help Ben. He is so devastated, so heartbroken. Maybe Mrs. Walker has told you he went to my sister's in Argyll until the bairn is to be born. He left almost 2 weeks ago and I know it's better for him to get away from here for a few weeks but it's left a void in me I did not anticipate. I miss Joe. I think I can tell you that because you understand me somehow. I know you know it doesn't eclipse what you and I have shared. I just miss the noise, the banter between him and Ben, the work that it took to take care of him. I miss it all. While I don't know how to move on from here, I know I must. The bairn...our bairn...will be here in 3 weeks time, the Lord willing and it's bittersweet to me. I cannot tell you how it all will go but I will somehow make sure you know when the time has come._

_The midwife comes every week now, she says things are progressing, the baby has dropped, which just means it's getting ready to enter this world. I'm nervous, probably scared more than nervous. I wish you were here._

_One day Charles...we will find a way to be together. _

_With all my heart. Elsie._


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you all for reading and commenting and encouraging and advising. I love your input, it totally helps when I'm "stuck". I kind of feel like this story is a runaway train and I do realize some of this is very unrealistic for this time frame. A woman pregnant by another man, no matter who, what, when, why, was just NOT okay. But..it's our OTP and in that world, it's GOTTA be okay so...it's pure fluff and fiction. I also am realizing my math skills suck because I wanted Elsie to be 38 when she had the baby so I may go back and revise some of my dates..or not..I don't know yet. Thank you lovelies for inspiring me to continue!**

* * *

"Oh love, we aren't going to stay long since you aren't feeling well. We just mainly wanted to check on you." Mrs. Walker gave Elsie a tender smile.

"I'm so glad you came, both of you mean a great deal to me and it has warmed my heart to have my friends come and see about me." Elsie teared up. She wasn't ready for company today; she was in a lot of pain, in every sense of the word. Her back was killing her and she was beginning to worry about it. "Oh before you go. I've written thank you notes for Mr. Carson and Lord and Lady Grantham. Would you be so kind to deliver them for me?" Elsie handed Mrs. Walker the envelopes that were sealed with a wax seal.

"Of course we will love. Now you rest and we will see about you next week."

Mrs. Walker replied.

"Elsie do you have a neighbor, nearby that's checking in on ya? I wouldn't want you to go into labor alone."

"Oh yes. The Roddinham's farm is just up the road. Mrs. Roddinham, or one of her daughter's stops in every day to check on me."

"Good love." Take care." The ladies of Downton left and Elsie stood in the doorway and watched until she could no longer see them. Suddenly the pain started in her back again so severely that it took her breath this time. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth together and moved slowly to the settee.

###

"Oh Mr. Carson, I have something for you from Mrs. Burns."

Charles looked up from what he was working on. "Oh?"

"Me and Mrs. Patmore went to see her a little while ago."

"How's she getting along?" he forced himself to be calm.

"Oh it's such a sad thing Mr. Carson. I'll tell ya, I'm not one to question the Almighty but I truly wonder why things like this happen to such good people."

His jaw muscles tightened and he takes in a deep breath. "Was she…I mean she…and the baby are physically...okay?"

"Oh yeah, she's miserable though, we didn't stay long because she was hurting too bad for much company. I think the baby will come any day."

There was a tightening in his chest. "Well…we can only hope the birth of this baby brings some much needed comfort and peace. Thank you Mrs. Walker for…delivering the letter."

"Certainly Mr. Carson. I have one here for His Lordship and her Ladyship, can you take it when you serve luncheon."

"Certainly. " Charles was grateful that the ladies had gone to check on her. It kept him a little bit closer to her just to hear about her each week. He hurriedly opened the letter. Tears filled his eyes as he read. He laid it on his desk and brought his hand up to wipe at his eyes. He ran his fingers over her pretty hand writing and ached to be with her. He recalled Mrs. Walker's words…'_I think the baby will come any day.' _He pulled the pocket watch from his pocket. It was Thursday, his half day. He had planned going to the village even though he knew it was unlikely she would be there. After reading her thoughts, knowing she wasn't feeling well and Ben being gone, he would go to her today. Even if just for an hour, he would go and hold her and love her.

###

"Milord, a note for you and Her Ladyship came by way of Mrs. Walker from Mrs. Burns. She and Mrs. Patmore visited her this morning." Carson held the silver tray down for Lord Grantham to retrieve the small white envelope.

"Oh Carson, how is she doing?" Lady Grantham asked.

"I…I think as good as can be expected Milady."

"She should be very close to having her baby I would think?"

"Yes..Mrs. Walker said any day now." Charles' face flushed hot and he began to perspire from his forehead.

"Carson, are you okay?" Lord Grantham questioned.

"Yes Milord, just a little warm." Carson straightened his back and cleared his throat. "Uh..I thought…I might go to the Burns' cottage and check on Mrs. Burns and particularly her son. I think I forged a bond with him the day of the accident, you see, and I just want…."

"Of course Carson, you are kind to think of the Burns' son. I can't imagine what the boy is going through." Cora chimed in. Lord Grantham was quiet but not in his thoughts. "Don't you agree dear?"

"Ah yes…very good then Carson. I suppose we won't see you until tomorrow morning? It's your half day, right?" Lord Grantham's tone was cautious.

"That is correct Milord." Carson nodded and turned to leave.

"Uh Carson? May I have word in my study before you leave? I'm finished here." Lord Grantham stood from the table and put his napkin in his plate. "I'll see you later for tea sweetheart." He bent and kissed Cora on the cheek.

"Alright. Carson, please give Mrs. Burns our best wishes and tell her if there is anything we can do for her and her son, please don't hesitate to ask."

"..Milady." He nodded in understanding and bowed slightly.

###

"I don't want to keep you on your day off, so I'll get straight to the point. Carson, I'm not daft. And I'm not blind." Do you care to tell me exactly what is going on with you and Mrs. Burns?"

Carson stood perfectly still, his hazel orbs fixed on his employer's. He finally lowered his head, knowing that he could not lie to Robert. He almost felt relieved. Relieved that Robert had been so perceptive, because if the truth be known, he had every intention of being in Elsie's life and his baby's life and for that matter, Ben's.

"I'll tender my resignation, officially this afternoon, Milord…."

"Carson, I didn't ask for your resignation, I asked for an explanation."

Charles finally looked up, took in a deep sigh. "The flood…almost nine months ago…I took Mrs. Burns back to her cottage."

"Yes..I remember. Go on."

"I did get stranded there. Of course we had hours to talk and get to know one another. Mrs. Burns shared with me how very unhappy she was in her marriage, I was affected by her sadness and well..I'm ashamed to say that we…." He hesitated; this wasn't going like he wanted. He didn't just have a dalliance with Elsie, it was deeper than that. And honestly, he thought, he wasn't ashamed. Yes, he knew it wrong and he was sorrowful for taking another man's wife but he wasn't ashamed of what he and Elsie had.

"You slept together." Robert stated.

Charles was looking at his feet again. "Yes Milord, we slept together. But it's more complicated than just that. I _love_ her. I've never loved anyone like I love her and this feeling has been forthcoming for a long while Milord." He looked again to Robert.

"I am sorry for Mr. Burns, what we did while they were married, I am truly sorrowful. I left on the fourth day, the day you came looking…."

"Were you there?" Robert exclaimed with a note of anger in his voice now.

"Yes…I was there. I wasn't prepared to answer questions as to why I had not returned. I wasn't ready."

Robert spun away from Charles. "Oh blimey Carson!

"I had asked her to leave him but she refused so I had resolved that it was over and I was trying to get on with my life.

"But…." Robert turned again to face him.

"The day of the accident, Elsie was with me. She had come to tell me…about the baby…"

Robert brought his hand to his forehead. "Oh God…yes…the baby...It is yours then?" Charles nodded his head lowered again. "Of course it is…oh bullocks."

"Elsie was planning on raising the child as Joe's. We never intended to go any further."

Robert felt a pang in his heart for Carson now. A man willing to let his only child be raised by another man. "Why would you do that Carson?"

"Do what Milord?"

"Allow another man to raise your child?!"

"I had no choice. Elsie felt too guilty to leave Joe and her son, Ben. She was so torn and heartbroken but I was willing to step aside if it meant I could spare her any more grief."

"Oh Carson…what a bloody mess!" Robert just shook his head.

"That is why I think it best to resign Milord. I do not wish to bring scandal on this home or your good name."

Robert stood quiet for a long while. "I don't know what this house would do without you Carson and it and this family would feel a void for a very long time I'm afraid. However, I think the ramifications of a moral failing of this magnitude would only bring more grief and especially on Mrs. Burns and her lad."

Charles nodded in agreement.

"Might I suggest moving away; of course you will need to marry her as soon as possible, make a new life somewhere? I will certainly give you an excellent reference and do what I can to help you start afresh."

Charles' eyes filled with tears. Regretful tears, thankful tears. "Why would you do that Milord?"

Robert walked over to face Charles directly. "Because you are my most trusted friend and you aren't the first person to make mistake. I care about what happens to you Carson."

"I don't' know what to say Milord." His jaw flexed in tension, trying to stifle the emotion that was at bay.

"You need not say anything. Go see about Mrs. Burns now." Robert walked to his desk as Carson started to leave. "Oh Carson…you do know her son is in Scotland?!"

Charles' shoulders slumped. "Yes Milord…" He shifted his eyes.

"Good…I'll see you tomorrow morning and we can talk again about…your future."

Charles nodded and left the room, disbelieving what just happened.


	18. Chapter 18

**Names...I need names ya'll! Boys and girls. She hasn't had it yet..so I don't rightly no which it is! Thanks! ;)**

* * *

Charles rapt lightly on the door of the cottage and waited, when there was no answer he opened it slowly. "Elsie?" he called but still no answer. He heard a cry from the bedroom and ran to see what it was. Elsie was on the bed, writhing, her head bent back into the pillow, gripping the sheets. Charles was struck and couldn't move for a moment, his mind trying to take in the scene. _'Oh God…the baby….'_ He thought to himself.

"Elsie…darling…" he reached the bed in two steps. It was a moment before she opened her eyes, they were squeezed shut and she screamed in agony. "…OH GOD…Elsie….where is the midwife?"

"Charles….oh…Charles…I'm so glad you're here." She cried. Her face, body was covered in sweat. "The baby….it's still 2 weeks…but it's coming now."

"Oh…God….what do we do? I need to go after the midwife. Where is she?" Charles' breathing was nearly as labored as Elsie's.

"NO!" Elsie grabbed Charles' hand. "You can't leave me….don't leave me…" she begged.

"But…darling…we need the midwife….I can't….I don't…." Her grip on his hand was almost excruciating. He was struggling to keep the panic inside him at bay. "Elsie…listen to me.." he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I must get the midwife…."

"AHHHHHHH…" She let out another shrill scream that took Charles' breath away. Elsie finally stopped screaming but her breathing was so labored. Charles was more scared than he could ever remember being. "Char…Charles…." She gasped between breaths. "I need you…to listen…." He came close to her; she took his hand and gripped it tightly. "I need you to go put the kettle on and there are clean towels in the cupboard in the hallway." She took in several breaths and laid her head back and closed her eyes.

"What?...Elsie….."

She opened her eyes again and looked at him directly. "Charles…I can feel the baby's head, in the birth canal now. I'm going to give birth soon. We do not have time to get the midwife. Okay?" She brought her hand up and cupped his cheek. "You are going to deliver your child…." She closed her eyes and breathed deeply and then opened them again. "Do what I tell you to and you'll be okay. I _need_ you Charles. Our baby needs you right now." She laid her head back in exhaustion. She started to cry out again and placed her hands on her belly. "OHHHHHH….AWWWWWW…OH GOD….HURRY….LOVE…"

Charles stood close for a moment and then jumped into action. He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. He took his suit coat off and his waist coat, hurriedly. He pulled his tie loose and off and then rolled the sleeves of his starched, white shirt up. He went to the linen cupboard and grabbed many towels and took them to the bedroom.

"Elsie…darling…let's get you out of these….." He gently helped her out of her knickers and went to the dresser to retrieve a gown for her. He helped her slip it on. His face was close to her after helping get the gown over her head. She pulled him down to her lips and kissed him. "I'm so glad you're here." Tears poured down her cheeks.

"I love you darling. I love you so much and I'm glad I'm here too. Everything is going to be alright." He kissed her back and it wasn't long before another contraction started. He gave her his hand and she took it. The scream was primal and like nothing he had ever heard. He had never been so unnerved by a sound and he prayed he would be able to handle this.

When it ended, her whole body relaxed and he was grateful. "Elsie…do you remember Ben's birth?"

"Yes…yes…mostly." She struggled to breathe.

"What can you tell me so that I can help you."

"'It hurt like bloody hell…that's what I remember!" She managed a chuckle.

"Glad to see you can joke…" he rolled his eyes.

"I'll know when to push. You will just need to be there and encourage me when I want to throw in the towel." She smiled and stroked his hand. "You'll be fine love."

"How pathetic am I? You're the one about to push a baby…out of…there..." he glanced down, "and I'm the one scared to death."

"It's okay. Men aren't typically equipped to handle this kind of stress. But I know you can do it." Her voice was loving and sweet.

Charles leaned in and kissed her again. The miserable moan let him know it was starting again. "Okay baby…let's do this…"

An hour passed and nothing had progressed except for the velocity of Elsie's misery. Her cries and wailing where distressing to Charles yet he knew he had to be strong for her. The baby's head was crowning and while he was scared to death, he also had stood in utter amazement at what was taking place. It had not been vile or gross, he was witnessing his only child come into the world and the emotion that was building inside him would surely flood this room once it had happened. His love for her had grown just in the last hour. His respect and admiration for her as a woman, a mother, was inexplicable. He had brought cool rags to put on her forehead, had given her sips of water and loved on her during moments of rest, told her how proud he was and how much he loved her.

A loud knock came at the door and both of them were stunned. "Should I get it?" Charles asked stupidly.

"Of course silly man!" Elsie gave an exhausted laugh.

Charles went to the door and it was a young girl. "Hello?"

"Uh…is Mrs. Burns here?"

"Yes..yes..who are you?"

"I'm Elizabeth Roddinham. I live at the farm down the road. Me mum sent me to check on her."

"Oh yes…yes..well Elizabeth, Mrs. Burns is in labor just now. Can you send for the midwife? Quickly? The baby is coming very soon. I need you to hurry." Charles was stern and serious.

"Uh…yes..I'll get me mum straight away." Elizabeth ran from door and Charles watched her until she out of sight.

'_Thank God'_ he thought to himself. He returned to Elsie and told her.

"Oh good, but if they hurry, they won't make it. It's coming Charles." She began another contraction and this time she screamed and groaned like never before and Charles was afraid something was wrong. "Charles…you're going to have to look and make sure everything is okay." Elsie pulled the sheet back that was covering her mid-section and legs. She spread her legs apart and moaned again and tried to breathe steady so she wouldn't hyperventilate.

Charles was sweating profusely but did what she instructed. "OH GOD..Elsie…" he looked up at her and she looked down. "I…see…the baby.s head..it's right there!"

"I know..I can feel it!" She reached down and touched the baby. "Charles…okay…there are scissors in my sewing basket, in the living room. You will need those and use the boiling water to sterilize them." She spoke as calmly as she could, her breath more and more ragged.

He bolted for the living room and found the scissors and took them to the kitchen. Another blood curdling scream sounded from the bedroom. He prayed, like he had never prayed before. _'Please God…please bring the midwife quickly and if you can't do that, please give me the strength I need to do this. Take care of my beautiful Elsie. I know I don't have any right to ask for your help but I pray there are no complications.'_ His breathing was labored; sweat forming in a million beads on his forehead. He knew what the slightest complication meant…certain death for Elsie and possibly the baby, this thought made him half mad with fear.


	19. Chapter 19

The next hour was the most intense. The groaning and screaming never stopped. It was constant and Charles had never felt so helpless. Elizabeth Roddinham had come back to say her mama was fetching the midwife as her and her 2 young sisters were too young to go to the village alone. Her papa was in the fields or he could have gone. Her mama had taken the horse and was to return as quickly as possible. Charles was not encouraged by this news as he knew the baby's birth was imminent.

Elsie was clearly in so much distress; he was struggling to know what to say or do to help ease her pain. The contractions were steady now and the head was crowning. He spoke softly and tried to encourage her to breath and that she was doing great but he felt so helpless and inadequate. She had not spoken any words in the last hour, just groaning and crying. He wanted to just sit down and cry himself. _'Why did it have to be this hard…and was this normal?'_ He thought. He had never been present for any birth. He had been in the hallway some when Lady Cora had given birth to Edith and Sybil but he didn't remember this kind of agony.

He knelt on the bed, had placed towels under her and around her and the baby's head was halfway out. Elsie screamed and cursed and he was poised and ready, the intensity was so thick and real; the moment was fraught with so much emotion, love and joy, fear and angst. Charles squeezed his eyes together and tears dropped from them. He opened them again, blinking several times to clear the blurriness. "That's it…darling..you're doing so great Elsie. Push again…it's almost out…"

"I CAN'T CHARLES…." She screamed and he was shocked to hear her speak. "I CAN'T DO IT!"

"You can sweetheart..you're doing it. You're doing great. Give me a push, come on…"

Elsie cried out and put her hands behind her knees and pushed as hard as she could for as long as she could and the baby's head slipped into Charles' hands. "Oh God….oh God…Charles…pull it out…get it out of me!" She kept screaming.

"Okay..hold on…hold on…." Charles was crying now, tears pouring down his face. He could tell another contraction was coming; he had been paying close attention for the last hour to her body and what it did when one started. "OKAY…PUSH ELSIE…PUSH THIS BABY OUT!" Charles was up on one knee and bent down, holding his child's head gently in his palm. Elsie grabbed her legs again, tucked her head into her chest and pushed. Eventually the child spilled into his hands and he grasped her solidly. Her. A girl. "OH GOD…OH ELSIE….OH my darling…it's a girl!" He cried and laughed and smiled and cried more.

Elsie was so exhausted she laid her head back. "Oh….ah….is she breathing love?"

Charles panicked. "I…don't…know….she's moving?"

"Okay…just give her a little nudge on her bum….rub her chest a little…" Elsie was still struggling to breath normal but she sat up on her elbows and instructed him.

Charles did as he was told, he got a soft towel and began to rub away the blood and mucus from her nose and mouth and rubbed her body all over and soon the atmosphere was pierced through with the most glorious sound. A loud cry of freedom. Charles and Elsie looked at each other and starting laughing through their tears. He wrapped her in another towel and carefully handed her to Elsie. She was so tiny, red and a head full of dark curls.

"Charles, you'll need to cut the cord. The scissors…and tie it off and cut between the two ties." Charles did exactly as she instructed and then stood and watched her. Elsie brought the baby close to her, kissed her tiny nose and cried. She looked at Charles. "Come…next to us..." He went around to the other side of the bed and crawled in next to her and this tiny little creature. Elsie watched him the whole time as he gazed at the baby, tears continued to fall from his eyes as well and he couldn't stop smiling.

"She's so beautiful…" his eyes never moved from the baby.

"She is." Elsie reached over and stroked Charles cheek and he finally looked at her.

"I love you." He whispered and stretched up to kiss her lips. She closed her eyes and relished his touch.

"I love you." She answered back.

They heard a commotion at the door and Charles moved quickly off of the bed. The midwife and Mrs. Roddinham appeared quickly in the door way. The older woman hurriedly went to Elsie. "Oh dear…Elsie…I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner." She reached her and the baby and moved the towel away to look at her. "Oh…what a beauty! Girl?" Elsie smiled and nodded.

Mrs. Roddinham eyed Charles curiously then spoke. "Hello. I'm Edna Roddinham, I live just down the road."

"Ah..yes..it was your daughter, Elizabeth…"

"Yes…yes it was…so I see you've managed on your own eh? How is she?" She whispered.

"Oh..I think she's fine. I certainly am no expert but everything appears to be okay." Charles nervously rubbed his hands together. "Well…I'll go out….and she can do whatever it is…she needs to do." He jerked his towards the midwife and glanced to Elsie, giving her a knowing look. She nodded just barely and he left the room.

###

Several hours passed and Charles was miserably tired. He was not leaving the cottage and he didn't care what the ladies thought. He was going to ask Elsie to marry him and hopefully soon they would be gone so it wouldn't matter what they thought anyhow. He wanted so badly to go in and just lie down with her and his newborn daughter. He had the entire night to be with her and would go back to the Abbey in the morning. He knew between these ladies and Mrs. Patmore and Mrs. Walker she would be well taken care of while he was wrapping up things there. But right now, all he wanted was to be with her and his child. Mrs. Roddinham finally suggested to the midwife they go, since the sun would be setting soon and she would need to get her back to the village. The midwife had thoroughly checked Elsie and the baby out and told Charles they both looked perfect. He thanked them both and assured them he would stay with her until one of the ladies from the Abbey could come. They seemed satisfied with that explanation but he was sure there would be talk as soon as they left the house.

He saw them out and walked back down the hall to the bedroom. He pushed the door back and Elsie was sitting propped against pillows, nursing the baby. Her gown was pulled down on one side and her hair fell down the other side in a thick braid. She didn't notice him at first and he leaned against the door frame with his hands in his pockets watching her. His heart clenched tightly and he smiled. She looked up and smiled the sweetest smile and motioned for him to come in.

"What is it?" She asked when he reached her and she noticed tears in his eyes.

He watched with fascination as the tiny babe suckled at her breast. "_You_…sitting here…nursing my child…is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen." A tear trickled down his cheek and he rubbed the baby's smooth, clean head. She leaned over and their lips met. Charles brought his hand up to her cheek and then deepened the kiss. "Have you thought about what you want to name her?" He whispered, gazing again at their connection.

"No…I mean I've thought about it but I wanted to talk to you, wanted to know what you thought," she said.

"I don't know…I've had some thoughts…we will decide soon enough. I just want to lie here with you and my baby girl." He pulled a pillow over and doubled it up and laid his head right against Elsie and where he could see his newborn daughter. Soon they all three fell asleep in complete bliss.


	20. Chapter 20

Charles served Lord Grantham breakfast and waited until he was spoken to before he spoke. It was just the two of them at the moment. Charles was exhausted but elation was hardly the correct word to describe how he was feeling. Robert turned his head slightly to address him. "How was your afternoon off Carson?"

"It was the greatest afternoon of my life Milord."

Robert turned completely around to Carson who was smiling the smile of a new father. "What happened?"

"I have a new daughter Milord."

Robert jumped from his seat, a smile spread across his face. "Oh mate! That's incredible! What a stroke of luck you were there." He shook Carson's hand and slapped him on the back.

"I was the _only_ one there to help…I had the great pleasure of bringing my daughter into the world, you see." He smiled again, remembering.

"WHAT?" Good God! Where was the midwife, the ladies?"

"Well you see she's two weeks early so no one was expecting her to deliver. One of the other farmer's wives has been checking on her daily. She fetched the midwife but it was too late. I'm grateful they came though. I wouldn't have had the slightest notion what to do after the child was born."

"And the baby? She's fine?"

"Milord…I've never felt such love for another human being. She's perfect and beautiful. She's small because of her early entry but she appears to be healthy. I had a notion yesterday, after receiving El…Mrs. Burns' letter and Mrs. Walker's news that she wasn't feeling well. I just had a hunch that….she needed me. And I'm glad I acted on that. She would have been completely alone."

"Oh dear chap! I'm glad you went too. How is Mrs….Burns doing?"

"She's great. She's…so wonderful."

Robert stood and observed his butler, the love in his eyes. _'Man he's got it bad..'_ he thinks silently. "Join me this evening for a cigar and a glass of whiskey; we will celebrate this new chapter in your life Carson."

Carson smiled and nodded, he was taken aback by Robert's approval. "Oh Milord, thank you but I don't want to put you in a position of...

"Nonsense Carson! Some mistakes have been made but you've become a father and there is no mistake that could dampen that. We will work through the other issues when it's time. Right now...it's time to celebrate your new daughter!"

"Very well." Humbled Carson smiled and nodded. He started to leave and turned back. "Ah..Milord, I wondered if I could…"

Robert cut him off. "Go…" he grinned. "Be with your baby."

"Ah thank you Milord. I won't be gone long, be back before luncheon."

###

"Mrs. Roddinham's daughter stayed the night. The oldest girl, Katherine. She's such a dear. She was much help to me during the night. And the ladies have been here this morning…the other tenant wives. They brought bread and stew and some cakes. I'm getting along fine Charles."

He smiled and held his daughter, swaying gently as he walked around the bedroom. "Your Papa has you now, little one." He cooed and kissed her nose. Elsie smiled and thought, _'he hasn't heard a word I've said_!' Tears filled her eyes as she watched this big wonderful man hold their daughter.

"What are we going to call you my precious girl?" He gazed at her and thought his heart might truly explode. The baby's little tongue started poking in and out and she began to root toward Charles' chest and when he didn't immediately respond, she let out a loud wail. Charles had a look of panic and looked to Elsie.

She laughed gently. "She's hungry. I don't think you have what she wants."

Charles smiled. "Oh is that what she's doing?" He looked at the babe again. "Your Papa can't help you there. You'll have to go see Mama for that." He gently placed her in Elsie's arms and watched, mesmerized as she pulled her arm out of the night gown and pulled it down exposing her breast. The baby was hollering by now and struggling to latch on. Elsie was calm and focused and patiently worked until she got her comfortable and connected. The room became still again, just the sounds of suckling.

Charles kissed her forehead. "You're amazing. I love you." She glanced up and they kissed. Charles had not told Elsie about his conversation with Lord Grantham the day before. It was not the right timing but he was feeling like now was as good a time as any.

"Elsie, there's something I have to tell you. I spoke to Lord Grantham yesterday…before I came here." He walked around the tiny bedroom and spoke softly. "He knows about us."

Her eyes widened. "How?"

"He asked me what was going on between us. He noticed the day of the accident…he perceived my melancholy and well…I suppose I have been more transparent than I should have been. Although, I do not think anyone else has recognized anything or made any conclusions, except him. He assured me even Lady Grantham does not know."

Elsie leaned her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"He wouldn't accept my resignation."

She opened her eyes and looked at him again.

"However, we do feel it's best for me to…go away.."

"Charles!" She looked terrified. Nothing had been clear to her for 9 months. Her life had been, emotionally, a torrent of confused and guilty feelings. Now, she was happier than she had been since the day Ben was born. She felt complete and whole and now Charles was telling her he was going away. She burst into tears.

Charles stepped to the bed and sat on the edge. "My darling…please don't cry."

"How could you?"

"How could…."

"How could you do this to me?" She raised her voice louder and angry tears poured down her face.

"Do what?" he asked stupidly.

"Leave me…NOW?! Leave us?!" She slammed her head back into the pillow and she sobbed.

Charles realized she was confused and thinking he was leaving without her, without their baby…and without Ben. He started to laugh and her head came off of the pillow so fast. "You're laughing?"

He took her hand in his and rubbed his daughter's head with the palm of the other. "No Elsie. I'm not leaving you or our baby. I want to marry you. I want us to be a family, you, me, our baby girl and Ben."

She was accosted by his words and she felt embarrassed. She cried even harder and pulled her hand away from his and brought it to her eyes.

"It's okay love." He let her cry for a bit, without missing a beat, she picked the baby up and put her on her shoulder.

"I want to marry you Elsie. Did you hear me?" He searched her face for a reaction.

"I did." She could think of nothing but Ben. How was she going to tell Ben? It made her almost physically ill to think about it. She was a saint in his eyes, she walked on water. How could she hurt him like this? It was her greatest regret. She still felt Joe's absence, especially when it was so quiet in the house and she grieved for that loss of companionship, friendship even, but it was Charles who made her feel like a woman, a woman that was loved and desired and those feelings trumped so much. "I'm scared Charles." She admitted.

"Of what love?" He questioned.

"Of how to tell Ben. He thinks I can do no wrong. How will I tell him I've betrayed his father, who is now dead and just had the child of another man."

"We will tell him…together…if you wish. It's been done Elsie, the baby is here and you can't hide it any longer. We can go away, move to Scotland if you want. Maybe Ben would like the idea of starting anew somewhere else.

"He grew up here, all of his memories of his faither are here. I don't know how keen he will be on living."

"Well, we will figure it out. Just please tell me you'll marry me." He waited with bated breath.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you ALL for baby name suggestions. I went with Rebecca for the baby's name mainly because it's the name of my very closest friend in all the world and because it was a suggestion here...twice! Special shout out to Olehistorian for suggestions and storyline advise. xo**

* * *

Elsie smiled at him, handed him the baby. "I love you Charles. I will make no excuses and fully admit that. But I can't make a commitment right now. I hope you can understand."

Charles was crushed. He put the baby back in the crib and sat down on the edge of the bed, beside her. "Why?"

"I have to deal with Ben first. He has to come next. If I could wave a magic wand and fix that, I would. I want to be your wife." She took his hand in hers and smoothed her hand over his. "There is nothing I want more than to be with you, wake up with you, go to bed with you every night. I just have to consider what this is all going to do to him, Charles. He left three weeks after we buried his father, he's going to be back in a week, and have to adjust to life with a new baby and getting on with it."

Charles' head was down, he just listened. "I understand." He wiped at the tears threatening to fall.

Elsie's heart broke. "I love you. Please know that and trust that we will be together one day."

He nodded, not looking at her. "Listen, I need to get back." He stood and leaned down and kissed her cheek then walked to the crib and bent down. "Sweet dreams my precious girl."

"What was your mother's name?

"Pardon?" He turned to her.

"Your mother...what was her name?"

"Rebecca..." he said softly.

"Let's call her that." She said without hesitation.

Charles stood speechless for a moment then knelt down again, stroking the tiny head of his daughter. "Rebecca..." he whispered and tears filled his eyes. He walked to Elsie and bent down, kissing her lovingly on the lips.

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she reached up to pad away the tears on his face. "...my love...thank you..."

"For what?" He smiled.

"Giving me her, being here, loving us."

Charles brought her into a fierce hug, they stayed this way for a long while.

###

"Mum? Mum?" Benjamin called from outside the cottage as he was coming up the path.

Elsie heard him outside and ran to the door to greet him. "OH BENJAMIN!" She lunged into his arms and hugged him so tightly. "My lad…oh my lad!" How are you?!"

Her sister and brother in law were a bit behind as Ben had practically run from the village. They all hugged and kissed and laughed and cried inside the door of the cottage.

Ben was the first to notice Elsie's body. His face fell. "MUM? The baby?"

Elsie smiled and put her index finger to her mouth. "Shhh…." She took his hand and pulled him into the living room to the little wicker cradle. She watched Benjamin's face and smiled.

He knelt down and pulled the blanket back just a bit and started crying. Elsie put her arms around him.

"The baby came early?" Ben asked.

Elsie nodded. "You want to hold her?" He tentatively nodded yes. "Okay...sit down here, on the couch and I"ll hand her to you." Elsie bent and lifted the baby out of the crib and laid her in Ben's arms. Tears filled her eyes as he she watched the huge smile spread across his face.

"OH ELSIE! Why didn't you..." Lillian cried.

"She's only a week old Lillian," Elsie cut her off. "There wasn't time to send a post. I knew you would be here in a few days so I thought...I'd surprise everyone!" She smiled.

"What's her name?" Ben asked never taking his eyes off of his sister.

"Rebecca." She says softly.

Rebecca? Why Rebecca?" Lillian questioned curiously. "I like it..don't get me wrong...just thought you might name a girl after mother..." Lillian bent down and stroked the baby's cheek.

"It's a strong biblical name and...I just think its rather beautiful." Elsie's mind went to Charles and her heart ached.

Elsie joined Ben on the couch and put her hand on his thigh. "My sweet lad, how have you been?"

"Good..." he answered.

"Really? Have you enjoyed your time in Scotland?"

Ben was mesmerized by Rebecca and could hardly be bothered with questions. Elsie chuckled and turned her attention to her sister. She got up and went to the kitchen. "Who wants a cuppa?"

"Oh I do." Lillian removed her gloves and hat and sat at the table.

"Elsie...should I put the bags in the spare room?" Will questioned his sister in law.

"Oh yes Will, in Ben's room."

###

The cottage was dark except for 2 candles burning on the hearth. Will and Ben had gone to bed. Elsie told Ben to get in her bed. Baby Rebecca was snuggled in her crib in the living room and the two sisters talked until the wee hours of the morning.

"How are you sister? Really?" Lillian took a sip of whiskey.

"I'm okay." Elsie's countenance dropped. "As good as I can be...that little thing there has changed everything, you know?!"

Lillian smiled and glanced to where her niece was sleeping. "You...a with a new baby...at your age!" she laughed. "Sad that Joe couldn't see her. She looks nothing like Ben when he was born, huh? She's so dark and all that dark hair! Ben didn't even have hair the first year of his life!"

Elsie's stomach turned a flip. _'Was it so obvious?'_ She was right though. Rebecca totally had Charles' coloring and she could already see some of his features. She and Lillian were so close, they had shared everything in their life. She wanted so badly to tell her about Charles. She was her closest confidant, until Charles came along. Lillian knew that she didn't love Joe when she married him. She was aware that their marriage had been devoid of passion and desire. Lillian had even admitted to Elsie that she wished she things were different, that she could experience the type of love she and Will had always had.

Elsie was quiet for a long while, contemplating, considering the cost of telling her sister. If she didn't, it would eventually come out and Lillian would be crushed.

"Lil...there's something I need to tell you."

Lillian poured another glass of scotch. "Oooh sounds ominous sister. I wish you could join me for a drink."

"I could but then my child would be drunk! I should pass." They both laughed.

"What is it?" Lillian sits next to Elsie on the settee.

Elsie swallowed hard and lowered her head. "Rebecca isn't Joe's child," her voice is just barely above a whisper. She closed her eyes.

Lillian sat completely motionless. "What?"

Elsie finally looks at her older sister, tears in her eyes. "...the baby...she's not..."

"I heard you." Lillian downs her entirety of her drink. They sit in silence until Lillian finally speaks again. "Well...are you going to tell me anything else?"

Elsie wipes her cheeks. "9 months ago, a gentleman from the Abbey brought me home. It was when the whole county flooded...do you remember me writing about it? When Joe and Ben were in Bristol, at Market."

"Yes...go on."

"We..." Elsie brought her hand up to her mouth to stop the rush of emotion. "OH Lillian it's so complicated yet really so simple. We fell in love...I can't tell explain what happened, really."

"Who is he? Surely not one of the family?"

"No. He's the Butler, Charles Carson."

"Hmmm...okay."

"Oh Lil...I've never felt love like this. I've never felt so needed and wanted. He wantsme...really _wants me_... He is so kind and tender and loving." Tears fill her eyes and she smiled. "We didn't plan it Lil...we didn't set out to do something immoral. I never wanted to hurt Joe." She covered her face with her hands. "...or Ben...oh God Ben..."

"Are you sure it's love honey? I mean...I know it's been lonely with Joe. I know he never knew how to love you...not really. But...sometimes those feelings can be so convoluted when you're lonely, when you need the touch...of a man."

Elsie felt anger rising in her. This was the thing about Lillian riled her more than anything else. She was older and she somehow just had a way of making Elsie feel ignorant and inferior. She loved her but she hated this about her.

Lillian perceived Elsie's reaction before she spoke. "Elsie...I'm not saying it's not love. I'm just trying to help you sort through..."

"There is no need to sort through my feelings Lillian! I love Charles. If there is such a thing as soul mates, he is mine. And if you think about it, this isn't a passing ship in the night, nine months has passed and I love him more today than the first.

"Did Joe know?"

"No." Elsie crossed her arms defensively.

Lillian chuckled slightly. "What a break you and...what was his name...Charles? caught..."

Elsie's mouth dropped open and she glared at her sister. "How dare you!"

Lillian rolled her eyes, she was a little drunk and her inhibitions were down. "Well..is it not? A lucky break? You have an affair, get pregnant and your poor none the wiser husband is killed just before the baby is born."

"Are you suggesting something?" Elsie was seething, trying to contain her emotion.

"Of course not Elsie...don't be silly! I just mean...you've been spared a scandal...right?!"

"I shouldn't have told you." Elsie starts to cry.

"Why? Because you don't want to hear what should be said? I love you sister, I do, but this is huge. What about Ben? Clearly he doesn't know a thing! Do you realize how much that lad loves you? How much he relies on you?" Lillian has softened her tone, her heart truly breaking for her sister.

The baby's piercing cries pulled them both from the intensity of the moment. Elsie went to pick Rebecca up, holds her close, still crying. She sits again and begins to nurse.

Lillian smiles and leans over and kisses the baby's head. "Oh sister..." she gives Elsie a loving look.


	22. Chapter 22

**Okay friends...I fixed Lillian and Elsie! As you were...**

* * *

The morning brought a little more clarity and compassion from Lillian to her little sister. Elsie was in the kitchen, cooking breakfast when Lillian came in. She walked up and put her arms around her. "I love you sister."

Elsie turned to her and embraced her. "I love you too."

"I'm sorry if I made you doubt last night. I was a little drunk and you know how I get."

"Yes..I do..." Elsie laughed. "Coffee or tea?"

"I need coffee I think!" Lillian sat at the kitchen table. "Where did my husband get off to?"

"He insisted on going to check the fields. I told him the other farmer's had been doing all the work since Joe..." Elsie stopped herself.

"Oh you know Will, he will won't to get out there and act like he knows what they should be doing!"

"What will you do Els?" She become more serious now.

Elsie wiped her hands on her apron, sat down and took in a deep breath. "Well, I don't know yet. Charles wants to marry me." She whispered and glanced down the hallway to ensure Ben was still in bed.

Lillian took a drink of coffee and raised her eyebrows. "Is that feasible? I mean for him? In his position?"

"I don't know, I don't think so. We would have to move I think. He mentioned Scotland."

Lillian's eyes shot wide open. "OH ELSIE! Would you? Don't tease me?!"

Elsie smiled. "I would..if it meant being happy, raising my children in a happy environment."

"It would give you the opportunity to start new with no questions." Lillian suggested. Elsie nodded. "Could you leave here? You've been here so long."

"Oh I think so. It was Joe who wanted to move here, not me, if you remember. If I knew Ben would be okay, I would move tomorrow."

"Could Charles work there? In a house? Could he provide?"

"We haven't talked much about it. I've only just seen him a few times Lillian since last July."

"Tell me about it." Lillian grinned wickedly.

"About what?" Elsie asked coyly.

"You know...your time with Charles...when it flooded and he stayed here."

Elsie blushed. "No..." she giggled.

"Come on! We always used to talk about...everything...boys, romance. Come on! Give your ol sis a thrill!"

Elsie got up from the table and walked down the hall and pushed her bedroom door open a bit to make sure her son was still passed out. He was. He was a teenager after all. She checked on the baby and went back to the kitchen. She dished them up breakfast and started to talk.

"Promise you aren't going to judge or fight with me. I don't want to fight about this." She stated matter of factly.

"I promise! I am glad you're happy Elsie. I know you. I know your heart and know you would never hurt Joe purposefully. I mean you married the poor bloke so you wouldn't break his heart. Every woman has their breaking point. Every one of us and maybe Charles was the line. Sometimes, we need someone to show us that it's time to receive a little. You deserve to take a little Els." She reached across and grabbed Elsie's hand and squeezed it tight and smiled.

Tears streamed down Elsie's cheeks and she nodded. "Maybe..." she choked out.

"Now dry your tears and get on with the delicious details about your bulter!"

She wiped at her cheeks again. "Well, he's so handsome Lil. He's a little older than me, not much, but a bit. He has dark hair, a little graying at his temples. He's tall...and...his hands are...big and soft and..." She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes and laughed. "He is funny, so funny. He makes me laugh."

"This sounds like you're making this up! Butler's are grumpy, old, bloke's with no personality!" Lillian took a bite of toast.

"I know..he's too good to be true. I keep wondering if I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream. I mean...Lillian don't get me wrong, I miss Joe. I do. I miss what he brought to this house. The laughing and joking he and Ben did. I miss that voice. And he was a good man..."

"But..."

"But...I love the way I feel when I'm with Charles. I feel alive Lil! I have never felt like that...as a woman. The only thing I can compare it to was when we were children and we would go to granny's house on the coast. That feeling of standing in the surf, the wind blowing across the sea..._that _feeling made me feel so alive and like I could do anything."

He makes me feel like that...like I can do anything and like my life has purpose and meaning. Joe never championed a thing I did..." tears filled her blue eyes.

"I know love." Lillian gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I know we made a mistake...I know it was wrong to sleep with him and he was a gentleman, he never did anything to pressure me. In fact, it was probably me who...pushed him."

Lillian grinned. "Hmmm...not surprising! You always were a little fiesty!"

"Oh stop it!"

"So...it was good huh?" Lillian dared to ask.

Elsie blushed feverishly and tried to hide her smile but finally could not contain it. "Oh Lil...I've never felt anything so good." She rolled her eyes and her voice was barely a whisper. "I mean...I had no idea it could feel like that."

Lillian squealed with delight. "I tried to tell you Els...years ago!"

"I know you did..but I just never knew...oh...I never knew..." She sighed and held her hand to her chest. "Oh Lil...I can't believe I'm talking like this..."

"You aren't embarrassing me! I've lived that life for 30 years! I'm just so happy you're experiencing it. I really am because every woman should feel that kind of pleasure. Every. damn. woman!"

They roared in laughter and the baby started to cry and they laughed even more.

###

"What is going on in here?" Ben stumbled to the kitchen, his hair sticking up and his eyes squinty.

"We are just talking love. Are you hungry?" Elsie got up and got Rebecca and handed her to Lillian.

"Yeah I am."

"Sit and I'll get you some breakfast."

"Where's uncle Will?"

"He's in the field, checking Da's work I suppose." Elsie put a plate down in front of him and leaned down and kissed the top of his head. "Did you sleep well love?"

"Yeah."

"Teenagers, they are so verbal..." Lillian chided while nuzzling baby Rebecca to her cheek. "You little sweetheart are going to be spoiled by your auntie Lil."


	23. Chapter 23

Charles served breakfast and stood, steadfast as always until everyone was finished. Lord Grantham perceived his melancholy mood. "How are you Carson?"

"Fine Milord." He nodded but gave no indication he was being sincere.

Carson...we've been friends long enough for me to know when you're not fine." Robert addressed him. "Let's take a walk."

They left the house and took off toward the gardens. "Have you seen Mrs. Burns and the baby lately?"

"Two weeks...it's been two weeks." Charles responded, his head down.

"What is your plan?"

"I asked her to marry me and she said no."

Robert stopped walking and turned to Carson. "Really? I thought..."

"I did too Milord. She says she wants to marry me, but you see, her son...Ben."

"Ahhh..." They began to walk again.

"She is worried what all of this is going to do to him."

"Of course. Well you cannot blame her there."

"No and I don't. I worry about the lad as well. He seems sensitive and I know he was very close to his father. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I miss my daughter...miss her."

Robert was truly sensitive to Carson's plight. "I'm sorry chap. I wish things were different...for your sake. Should she decide to come round have you thought any further about what you might do?"

Carson looked at Robert. "Well...no...that would be up to you Milord. I would like to stay on here but I know it's not possible."

They walked awhile before either spoke again. "I can't see how Carson...without scandal." Robert said sadly.

"I understand Milord."

"However, I want you to stay and I will do everything I can to make that happen." Robert stopped again and faced Charles, whose eyes were wider and his mouth agape a bit.

"Milord..do you mean that?"

"Of course I do. You've given most of your adult life in service to me and my family and the least I can do, is help you start one of your own." Robert offered his hand to his friend and Charles humbly took it.

###

"Go! We'll be fine. Will and Ben will be gone most of the afternoon and I'll snoop through your things while you're gone." Lillian snarked. Elsie laughed.

"I've nothing to hide from you sister. You know all my secrets!" Elsie was dressed in her favorite blue linen dress and hat. She felt good and excited to go to the Abbey today. She was going and taking the baby at Lady Cora's request. She intended to see the ladies downstairs and Charles. She was excited and had butterflies about seeing her love.

Lillian held the baby while Elsie stepped up into Mr. Jones' wagon. He was headed to the village and offered to drop Elsie off.

"I'll be back soon. Thank you Lil." Elsie blew her a kiss.

###

Lady Cora had informed Charles that Mrs. Burns was coming this afternoon with the baby and she would like to arrange for tea in the sitting room. Charles glanced to Robert who had a slight grin on his face.

"Oh it will be nice to see her...and the baby, won't it Carson?!" Robert chimed in.

"Indeed it will Milord." One corner of his mouth turned ever so slightly up in delight.

Robert caught Carson on the way out. "Get away after tea if you can to spend some time alone. Go to the east wing from the servant stairs...one of the bedrooms. I'll cover for you."

Carson smiled. "Thank you Milord."

###

Elsie laughed and doted over her daughter with the ladies downstairs for a bit before going upstairs. Thankfully, Charles was the one to escort them up. He carried his daughter until they reached the top of the stairs. He turned and kissed Elsie lightly on the lips, his heart so full and satiated. "Thank you for coming and bringing her..." he whispered.

She smiled and wiped the lipstick from his lips. "Sorry, I got lipstick on you."

He smiled and kissed her again. "I don't care!"

She slapped his arm playfully. "You do too silly...what will Lady Grantham think?"

He kissed the sleeping little babe in his arms and handed her back to Elsie as they entered the entry hall.

"Oh Mrs. Burns, it's so lovely to see you and this sweet little babe." Cora greeted Elsie and the baby with open arms and peeked into the light blanket covering her face. "Oh! She is so beautiful." She exclaimed with much enthusiasm.

Charles could not help but beam with pride. Robert gave Charles a side eyed glance and grinned. "Mrs. Burns, it's so nice to see you. And congratulations on this new little one." He reached around Cora and touched Rebecca's nose. "She's a darling."

Charles was having a very difficult time containing himself. He wanted so bad to shout from the top of his lungs that this was his child and the woman he loved. He caught Elsie's eye several times during their visitation. He kept his composure as did she but they conveyed everything they were thinking without words.

Cora encouraged Elsie to get back to sewing and commissioned her to make new dresses for the girls spring wardrobe. Elsie agreed. Charles left to remove the tea server and dishes so he could return to help Elsie get back downstairs.

"Oh Mrs. Burns, certainly go through the front entrance, there is no need to go all the way downstairs..."

"Oh thank you Milady but I wanted to see Mrs. Walker and Mrs. Patmore before I left."

"Why certainly then thank you for coming. You look so well and the baby is just darling. Let me know when you can come to fit the girls."

Robert bid his farewell too and gave Carson a slight nod.

###

"Is this safe? I mean will anyone know Charles?" Elsie's tone was laced with much anxiety.

Charles carried Rebecca as he pulled Elsie up the stairs behind him. "Yes darling. It's safe."

They reached a door and Charles let go of Elsie and opened the door with his free hand. The door swung back into a beautiful bedroom. Elsie's eyes grew big and she smiled. "Charles? What is this? What..."

He smiled back at her and pulled her inside, closed and locked the door. "This my darling lass is our hideaway for a little while." He went to the bed and laid Rebecca in the middle of the plush duvet. He turned and grabbed Elsie around the waist and pulled her her him, crushing his lips against hers. "You look beautiful darling."

She brought her hand up and caught her hat just as it was falling off her head and giggled. "Mmmm...oh Charles..."

He spun her around and danced around the room with her, he kissed her over and over, her lips, her cheek, her neck. "I've missed you so much."

Elsie took his face in her hands and deepened the kiss, her tongue finding his and caressing him so passionately. "I've missed you too.." she gasped between kisses.

The parted when they heard the baby stirring and went to the bed. Charles took his jacket and waistcoat off as to not wrinkle them. "Oh baby I wish I was pulling all these clothes off and crawling into bed with you." He pulled her into another kiss and groaned. The baby let out a wail of a cry this time and Elsie tensed.

"Charles! What if someone hears her?!"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No one is ever in this wing. She won't be heard."

"She is hungry. I need to nurse her."

Charles leaned down and picked his daughter up and rocked her to no avail. She rooted in toward's his chest and loudly protested when he did not deliver what she was wanting. He just laughed and talked softly to her. "Papa doesn't have what you want does he?"

Elsie marveled at him, he was so natural with the baby. She thought it so unusual because he was also buttoned up, staunch and stiff. It made her smile to see him so relaxed and comfortable. She unbuttoned her dress and unhooked her brassiere and got on the bed and got in a comfortable position.

"Okay...mama is getting ready...shh...shh..." He cradled her and tried to soothe her.

Elsie took Rebecca and Charles crawled in beside them and put his arm around Elsie and she relaxed against him. They watched in silence for awhile as the baby sucked hungrily at her breast.

"Isn't it amazing?" Charles whispered.

"What's that love?"

"This...this whole process. Conception, birth and then the natural progression of life and how it just all falls into place? I mean look at her, she is this tiny creature and with just a bit of guidance she knows exactly what to do." He looks at Elsie and smiles. "And you...her beautiful mother...you are a wonderful mother Elsie."

She brushed her fingers over his smooth, tanned, face. " And you are a wonderful father." He rolled his eyes at her. "You _are _Charles. I was just thinking, when you were holding her, how natural you are at this...fatherhood."

Charles' countenance dropped and she saw it immediately. He stroked the baby's head and didn't respond.

"What is it? Why did you become so quiet?" She questioned.

"How can I be a good father to her when I'm not even there?" He regretted saying it but he could not hide his hurt all of sudden.

Elsie was taken aback by his comment and she lowered her head without responding.

Charles stared at her. "I'm sorry love. I don't mean to put more burdens on you. It's just..." His eyes filled with tears. "I know you probably can't understand this, but I've never wanted for anything so badly in all my life. When I left you, on that fourth day, last summer...Elsie, I thought my heart would break in two. I physically hurt to be with you. But now...now that she is here..." He looked at Rebecca. "I've never known lonely like this. It's so deep, there are just no words to describe it." A tear rolled down his cheek. "I literally ache to hold her...kiss her...smell her..." He smiled talking about his baby.

Tears slid down Elsie's cheeks and she laid her head over on his shoulder and she closed her eyes. She knew what she was doing to him, she just didn't realize the magnitude with which it was affecting him and it broke her heart now. She pressed her lips together and tried to talk through her tears. "I'm sorry Charles. I've been so selfish." She sobbed against his shoulder.


	24. Chapter 24

**In the throws of back to school, birthday week for my girl and my parents visiting, I've had a few distractions and I have to say I miss my obsession! LOL! ****It's a little slow at the clinic today so I'm putting this up but unedited so don't roll your eyes too high if there are a ton of mistakes! Again, as always, thank you for the love and reviews!**

* * *

Elsie had finished nursing the baby and handed her back to Charles who snuggled and nuzzled her face and neck. He cried and held her close to him when it was time to go, apologized to Elsie for being so "soft". She hugged him, Rebecca between them, and kissed his lips, implored him not to worry and promised him that she would be more diligent about coming round.

Charles again asked her to think about marrying him and she promised she would. He had the car brought round and the chauffeur took her and the baby home. Charles watched them until they were out of sight, his heart breaking.

###

"I've got to tell him Lil. I can't keep Charles away from Rebecca. I can't keep him away from me. It's not fair to him. We both chose to go down this road and I'm going to have to take responsibility and allow him into our lives...fully. I want him in our lives." She lamented.

Lillian eyes her sister curiously. "..and Ben?" Elsie was irritable, Lillian could tell when she sat with her legs crossed and giggled her foot, she was ill. "I'm just...trying to help you think through this sister."

"Well you know what, I will just have to live with how Ben reacts, won't I? I have done...this thing...that is not going to just go away and..." she started to cry.

"I told William." Lillian figured what the hell. She should know.

Elsie jerked her head from her hands and glared at Lillian. "What?"

"Elsie, he's my husband...I tell him everything. And...I thought he could help us think through how to help Ben right now."

Like perfect timing, Will and Ben show up in the door way to the cottage. "What's for supper mom?!"

Elsie smiled, "Aunt Lil has made her famous shepherd's pie!"

His eyes lit up and he kicked his boots off and went straight to the baby cradle. "Can I pick her up mum? Her eyes are open."

"Sure lad, be careful." She smiled as she watched him pick his sister up and gently sit down on the settee with her. He smiled and kissed her nose. It brought tears to her eyes. '_How will he ever be okay?' _She gave her sister a miserable look and Lillian returned it.

Elsie was embarrassed to even look at William. He had always been like a brother to her and she loved him but now she felt ashamed and broken in front of him, a feeling she did not like at all. She excused herself and went to her bedroom and closed the door.

William looked at Lillian who gave him a sad smile. "You told her?" he questioned.

"Yes. She wasn't too happy that I told you."

"Well, it's gonna come out, she might as well own up to it now." William didn't know how he felt. He had always liked Joe and he loved his nephew but he also loved Elsie. He had wondered all day, that maybe it would be best for Ben to come live with them for now. "I've been thinking." He sat down at the kitchen table and craned his neck to see if Ben was paying any attention to them and continued in a whispered tone. "...what if Ben came to live with us?"

"WHAT?" Lillian wrinkled her nose.

"Why not Lil? He is a great kid, he could be a lot of help to me on the farm and it would take his mind off of this, would give Elsie some time to think through things...get on with it, y'know?!

"I'm not opposed to Ben being with us, I just don't think Elsie will agree to it." She stated. Elsie returned to the kitchen. Will grabbed her hand. "I don't judge you Elsie." She stopped and gave him a fore-lorn smile before sitting with them, her eyes were red and puffy. "We've been thinking.." Will gave Lillian a sideways glance. "What if Ben came to stay with us for awhile. He could help me on the farm, he's not interested in going back to school right now and frankly I don't think he should. He needs to learn to farm.

Elsie sighed and closed her eyes. She was so weary of thinking and trying to figure things out. She glanced to Ben who had Rebecca laying on his knees and he was talking to her. "I don't know. I want him here with me, with the baby. Look at him. He loves her so much."

They all turn and look at him and the baby.

"Yeah but Sis...you don't know how he is going to feel after you've told him about you and Charles and are you going to tell him everything?" Lillian inquired.

"I don't know..." Elsie brought her hand up to her brow. "...all I know is I need to tell him..."

###

"I know it's hard for you Benny and I know we didn't really talk much before you left for Scotland but we need to. There are some things I need to tell you."

Elsie and Ben had left the cottage and went on a walk down to the pond about 300 yards from the back of the house. It was a place of comfort for Ben. He spent much of his childhood here, swimming and fishing. Joe had built a deck out over the water and Ben had spent a lot of time in this place. Elsie didn't get down there as much as she should have, she thought to herself but she would make a point to change that now.

They sat on the dock, their feet hanging over the side. Elsie put her hand on Ben's thigh and he started to skip stones that he had picked up on the path to the water. "Its been awhile since you've been down here, eh?"

"Yeah...me and Da...we went fishing just a few days before..." His voice trailed off.

Elsie's heart clenched tight in her chest and she prayed silently for guidance. "There's some things I need to talk to you about Ben." He continued to skip stones but did not answer or look at her. "First...Benny...I need you to know, first and foremost, that I love you and I would never hurt you." She swallowed the lump that was quickly forming in her throat. "...I would never intentionally hurt you," she corrected her wording and now Ben looked at her. "And...your faither loved you more than he could ever say. I know he wasn't good about telling you how he felt but he _loved _you Ben. In fact, I think it is safe to say you were the one he loved the very most in this world."

"What is it mum?" Ben asked with trepidation in his voice.

Elsie folded her hands in her lap and closed her eyes. "Ben...love is very complicated thing, between a man and woman. And there are different degrees of love in marriage. There can be the kind of love where 2 people are great friends, they love each other like you would a mate and then there is the kind of love that is passionate."

Ben's faced flushed red. He was almost 16 years old and he didn't care to be talking to his mother about passion. "Are you going to talk to me about having relations with a girl?" He looked even more terrified.

She smiled. "No."

"Good, cause Da had already had that talk with me."

Elsie could not help but think that was typical of hers and Joe's relationship, no important communication. She had no idea Joe had talked to their son about that. She shook it off and moved forward.

"I'm glad lad." She gave him a slight smile. "Well Ben I know is going to be hard for you to hear and I can only pray that one day, you will understand this." She lowered her head again and tears filled her eyes.

"What is it mum? You're starting to scare me!"

"Oh Ben, I would never hurt you, not intentionally...please believe that."

"Okay mum...just tell me what it is?!"

Elsie took his hand in hers. "You're faither and I had the kind of love where we were really good friends. I enjoyed him, thought he was funny. He was a hard worker and a great provider to me and then eventually to you."

Ben's heart began to beat out of his chest. "But..."

"But..we weren't in love Benny, not the kind of passionate love that makes a marriage happy."

Ben sat staring at Elsie, not moving, as if he thought he might crumble if he moved.


	25. Chapter 25

Elsie eyes Ben with caution. "I don't expect you to understand this now Benny but I hope and pray that you will...one day and I hope and pray that you can forgive me." Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

Ben felt sick to his stomach and he moved his hand away from his mothers. He sat quietly, staring at the other side of the pond.

"Why are you saying this?"

"Because Benny. I need to tell you that I'm in love."

His eyes widened and a look of perplexity crossed his face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I've fallen...I fell...in love with another man, before your faither died." Elsie clenched the sides of her jaw and looked out across the water and soldiered on. She knew that is what she needed to do, just get it out. "It's Mr. Carson, the Butler, at the Abbey. We love each other and we plan to be married." There, it was out...at least the foundation.

Ben swallowed hard, his breath quickening by the second. Elsie closed her eyes and hot tears poured down her cheeks. She finally looked at and his blue eyes were filled with tears, his face was red and . "I'm sorry." She whispered. "Ben..I'm so sorry..."

"What do you mean? What...I don't...understand?" Ben began to shake his head and his voice was more erratic. "You...fell in love..."

"Ben..." Elsie tried to take his hand and he jerked it away as if he had touched something hot. He had yet to look at her.

"You...and...the Butler at the Abbey? You're in love with him?" Ben finally looked at her, his eyes wild.

"Yes..." she lowered her eyes to her lap. "...yes"

"Are you...I mean...have you been seeing him? While Da was alive?"

Elsie sat for a long while, tears pooling in her blue orbs. "...not really. We spent...a few days together last summer."

"When? Where?" Ben was more bold with his questioning. "HERE? In our house? Or at the Abbey?"

Elsie wanted to shut this down now but she felt like he had every right to ask questions. "Her...here..." she choked out her answer.

"IN OUR HOUSE? Did you have...relations with him mum?" Ben's tears were coming steady now. Elsie did not answer and that was answer enough but wanted to hear it. "DID YOU?"

"...yes Ben...I did...I slept with him..."

The fall out started. Ben was visibly shaking and he got up, tears pouring down his cheeks. He stared at her for a moment. "Benny? Please..." She took his hand and he jerked it away and ran down the dock. She didn't scream and run after him, she put her head in her hands and sobbed. She had just done the one thing she never thought she could ever do...wreck everything in her son's world.

###

"What if he doesn't come back? Oh God...what if he gets hurt? Or hurts himself?" Elsie was sobbing now. Lillian had her arms tightly around her.

"Will has gone to look. He will find him sister. Please try and calm down." Tears spilled over Lillian's cheeks as she tried to comfort Elsie. The evening wore into night and Elsie was literally sick with worry. Lillian had to put her in bed with headache powders and soda water for an upset stomach. She had held her sister and tried to soothe her fears about what Ben might do, where he might be. She herself had started to really worry. Will had returned without him much to the shock of Lillian and Elsie both. Elsie had only the strength to nurse Rebecca and then she had to go lie down.

_'What have I done?_' she lamented silently. She was so torn and conflicted. Rebecca lie in the bed with her and her heart ached for her and for Charles, his desperate need to be with his daughter and then when she thought about her precious, sensitive and caring son, she sobbed, knowing she could not have the best of both worlds. _She_ was his enemy now. His own mother was the one that had caused him all this pain and Elsie literally thought she would not survive this anguish.

###

BEN! STOP THIS NOW! STOP IT LAD!" Charles physically struggled in the courtyard outside the servant's entrance with Ben. Burns.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ben tried over and over to take a swing at Charles to no avail. He simply was not strong enough to over take the tall, strong, butler. Charles was trying desperately not to hurt him and stop him from hurting himself. He was reeked of alcohol and was clearly distraught.

Charles put his arms tightly around him and held him, both of them dropping to their knees. Both of them struggled to breath.

Charles had commanded the others to go back inside but just about every staff member had crowded inside the entry hallway, trying to hear or see what was going on with the Butler and this young man who had stormed into the servant's entrance hollering for Mr. Carson.

Mrs. Walker put a stop to it and sent everyone back to the servant's hall with the threat of extra work for the next week and no half days. Her heart was pounding as well and she feared for Mr. Carson's life. She had no idea who this young lad was or what his intentions were but Mr. Carson had made it very clear to hear as well that he wanted her to stay inside and do not say a word to anyone..that he would be fine and he could handle this. She prayed he knew what he was doing.

The two had fallen over and Ben's strength was nearly gone. He had spit at Carson, kicked him and tried to get free of his grip. Carson held him like vise, his heart was broken at what was happening. Of course, he knew Elsie had talked to him and he had never anticipated this. He wasn't sure what he thought would happen but he never imagined this. Ben has relaxed somewhat under Carson's grip and his crying was coming in broken, hoarse sobs now.

"Ben...mate...can we talk?" Carson attempted.

"Don't call me that! I'M NOT YOUR MATE!" He struggled again to get free before finally slumping in Charles' arms.

"Give me a chance to explain. Please."

Ben didn't speak, largely because he was so mentally and physically drained that he simply couldn't.

Charles relaxed his grip, stood up and offered his hand to help him up. When Ben made it to his feet, he bent over a low stone enclosure in the courtyard and vomited. Charles pulled his jacket off, it was ripped at the sleeve, he reached up to his lip and touched a spot of blood. He hadn't realized it but Ben did get a piece of him. "Ben...we never meant to hurt you or your father." He walked over and offered him his handkerchief and Ben took it and wiped his mouth and sat down on the stone wall, closing his eyes in misery.

"Your mother loves you son, more than anything."

"Yeah well not more than you."

Charles sighed and lowered his head. "Yes she does Ben. What has happened between us, neither of us planned. It just...happened."

"Oh yah! I bet it did! Why don't you tell me...what _DID _happen between you and me mum?" Ben cocked his head back.

Charles' hands burst with perspiration. He didn't know how much Elsie had told Ben and he certainly didn't want to reveal more than she wanted to.

"What's the matter? You can't be a man and tell me what you did? Huh? You took advantage of her?"

"It's not like that! You wouldn't understand, you're just a lad!" Charles turned away from him, smoothing his hair back away from his forehead.

"OH! Wouldn't I now? My father raised me to be a gentleman, a man who doesn't prey on another man's wife!" Ben's tone was angry again.

Charles' heart constricted in pain, he knew this was futile. He would not get this young lad to see his point of view, not now and possibly not ever. "Ben, go home. You need to go home. I'm sure your mother is worried sick about you!"

"Why would I...go home? I have no home? My Da is gone and my mom is planning on marrying you!"

Charles' eye brows shot up, his back still turned to Ben._ 'She told him she was going to marry me.'_ His mind was like a shotgun blast, so many going off all at once, he wasn't sure whether he was glad or devastated. He finally turned to Ben. "Let me walk you home."

"I don't need you!" Ben jumped off the ledge and stumbled, falling to the ground."

"You can't even stand up! Come on." Charles put Ben's arm around his shoulder and walked him to the stables. He saddled a horse and grabbed a lantern and helped Ben get on. He mounted the horse and they rode slowly to the cottage. Ben had either fallen asleep or passed out against Charles back. Charles hoped against hope he would be able to carry him to bed and he would sleep it off. Everything was always a little better in the morning, he prayed that would be the case. His heart still broke for him. He wanted to act like a man but he was only a boy who had just lost his father and the image he had held of his mother had suddenly been tainted. When he gathered him off the horse, Ben was sound asleep. Lillian and Will heard the commotion outside and opened the door to the cottage.

"OH! OH MY DEAR LORD!" Is he okay?" Lillian cried.

"Yes...he's fine..just drunk!" Carson had Ben over his shoulder and took him to the settee and laid him down gently. Lillian was right behind him and laid a blanket over him.

Charles returns to the kitchen and glances around. "William Nickolls. Thank you for bringing our nephew home." William stuck his hand out to Charles.

"Charles Carson." Charles boomed and took ahold of Will's hand.

Lillian and William looked at each other with mouths agape.


	26. Chapter 26

Elsie heard all the commotion and bolted from the bed, hoping it was Ben. She flung the bedroom door back and hurried down the hall. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Charles standing in the kitchen with Lillian and Will.

She looked about, "Wha?...what are you doing Charles?" She looked over to the living room and saw her son. "OH!" She ran to him and started to touch him but looked back to the trio in the kitchen.

"He's alright Els...just drunk." Lillian went over and took her hand and pulled her gently into the kitchen.

Charles went to her and she started crying, He wanted so badly to take her in his arms. They both gestured like they were going to embrace but both looked back to Lillian and Will. "Oh go on you two...it's not like were the police!" Lillian quipped. Charles engulfed her and she sobbed.

"What happened? Why are you here?" She held him close.

"I brought Ben home."

Shocked, Elsie moved back to look at him. "Why? Where was he?"

"He came to the Abbey...drunk, angry and on a mission."

Elsie noticed his busted lip and a few welts that had come up on his neck and cheek. "Oh no. What did he do?" She touched his cheek. "Did he hurt you?"

"No..no..." he tried.

Elsie plopped down in a kitchen chair and put her head in her hands on the table. Lillian joined her while Will and Charles stood.

"Oh God..what have I done?" Elsie lamented.

Charles smoothed his hand across her back. "He's okay Elsie. He's just angry...with me."

"She wearily pointed to Lillian and Will. "They know...about us."

Charles dropped his head, slightly embarrassed. "I figured..."

"We don't judge you Charles...or Elsie. We know what her marriage to Joe was like. I mean...we aren't happy about the mess that has been created but how can you call it a mistake when there is a precious little girl in the other room as a result." Lillian exclaimed. Elsie looked at Lillian and reached over and took her hand and just smiled.

Charles smiled too. "I thank you Ms. That is very kind. I hope neither of you will judge me too harshly. I know what I've done is morally wrong and of course, we never intended for this...to happen. We were thrown into a situation, together, that allowed us to realize just how very much in love we are. I'm deeply sorry for what happened to Joe and it's my greatest desire to be the kind of man that will take care of Elsie, our daughter and Ben...truly Ben. I want to be here for him."

Elsie's eyes filled with tears at the sincerity of his words. She took his hand in hers and brought it to her cheek. Charles was somewhat reserved with Lillian and Will there and Will perceived it.

"We are going to go on to bed. You two need to talk." William took Lillian's hand who was giving him a glaring side eyed stare. She didn't budge at first and he got behind her and pushed gently. "Come dear...let's let Elsie and Charles have some time alone." He gritted his teeth and bugged his eyes out at her.

"Sister, if you need anything..." Lillian looked at Elsie and Elsie just smiled and nodded.

###

As soon as they were gone Elsie stood and wrapped her arms around Charles, laid her head on his chest and sobbed.

"Shh...it's going to be alright love." He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her hair.

The stayed that way for a long while. Elsie separated and went over to check on her son. She brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes and pulled his boots off, covering him up again. She placed a light kiss on his forehead.

"Do you have to go?" Elsie joined him again in the kitchen. "Can you stay with me for a little while?"

Charles was thrilled she wanted him to stay and in light of all that had happened, he knew Lord Grantham would be notified and he would understand and cover for him. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I will stay as long as you need me to." He whispered.

She took his hand and led him to the bedroom where she closed the door. Charles went to the cot and leaned down and kissed his daughter who squirmed when he did. He gazed at her, Elsie joined him and held onto his arm. He finally turned to Elsie. "Let's talk darling." She crawled into the bed and he joined her, she snuggled against his chest and he wrapped his arm around her. "What happened?"

"Well...Ben and I took a walk, to the pond and...I told him."

"What exactly?"

"That I was in love with you..." She looked up and met his gaze.

"And?..." he smiled and traced his finger along her jawline.

"...he asked if we...had...been...together..." she lowered her head again and laced her fingers through his, closed her eyes at the feel of his arm resting against her breast.

"You mean...sexually?"

"Yes.." she whispered.

"Did you tell him?"

"Yes."

"And that's when he..."

"Yes. She sat up and looked at Charles. "He abhors me Charles. He will never be the same lad." She closed her eyes and shook her head and tears poured down her cheeks.

He gathered her to him. "He will love. He just needs time for all of this to soak in."

"It's not fair...what I've done to him."

"Life is not fair my darling. And the hand he has been dealt is a tough one but now it's what he does with all of this that will make him into the man he becomes. And with your help, your sister and brother in law...and hopefully me...we will steer him in the right direction. He has it in him Elsie. What you and Joe have instilled in him will be strong enough...I know it will."

Those words gave her so much comfort. She got up, turned around and straddled his thighs, took his face in her hands and kissed him fiercely on the lips, her tongue finding his and deepening the sentiment. Charles was surprised at her aggression and felt his loins begin to stir. She needed him. She knew it wasn't right and she knew it was far too soon to make love after the baby but she simply needed to feel him right now and nothing was going to stop her.

"Els...honey..." Charles was having a hard time halting her attack of his lips and neck. "Slow down baby..."

Elsie stopped and rolled off of him and started to cry, buried her face in her pillow. He leaned over her, wrapped his arm around her waist. "Oh Elsie...please don't cry...I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't. I'm just being fragile and thought I could mask my feelings for a bit." She put her hand on his. His heart hurt; he pulled her against him.

He nuzzled her neck and placed light feathery kisses there. "I want you Elsie, I do...but I don't want you to do something you might regret." He let his hand wander under her night dress and along her bare side and finally he palmed her breast, tweaking her nipple gently between his thumb and forefinger.

She turned slowly in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could not deny her feelings, her desire and longing for him and he was here, in her arms, in her bed. She pushed down any thoughts of wrong doing, thoughts of Ben, her family being in the next room, sat up and pulled her night dress over her head. Her eyes were lusty and filled with desire. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes; let him take from her what he needed and in turn took what she needed. Their love was hot and passionate; soft, muffled moans of desire filling the room as their child slept peacefully nearby. Charles was gentle; so careful with her, just a few weeks outside of having the baby, he was nervous but she guided him, led him to where she needed him the most. He obliged and reaped the benefits when she administered to him what he wanted.


	27. Chapter 27

Oh my loves, I've had a houseful of company and hardly no time to myself for almost a week. I'm struggling...I miss this story and I've had a hard time focusing. So..I've written 2 more Chapters that I'm not completely satisfied with but hang with me. I've got a lot going through my head about this Carson and Hughes and I'll get back in the groove soon. Once again, thank you for loving this story as much as I do and taking the time to review it!

* * *

"Thank you." Elsie whispered.

"For what my dear?" Charles answered sleepily.

"For taking care of Ben, being here with me...loving me." She kissed his chest. "Tell me what happened at the Abbey?" Elsie lay in the crook of Charles' arm, making circles with her finger around his nipple.

"Ben showed up right before dinner service, stormed in the back entrance. He was drunk, yelling for me. I wasn't there right away. One of the footmen came to get me." He ran his hand up and down her bare arm and continued. "I moved him outside and we got into a struggle. I didn't hurt him Elsie, I swear. He will be a little banged up in the morning but I wouldn't hurt him. I only tried to calm him."

"Did he hurt you?" She sat up so she could see Charles' face. She touched her finger to the place on his lower lip.

"No...that happened as a result of us struggling."

"I'm sorry Charles. I can't say what he might have been thinking." She nestled her head against his chest again.

"Don't apologize Elsie. He is acting like most lads would act. He's trying to protect you...from me."

"What do I do?" she whispered.

"You just be here for him, give him some space but do not let him act irreverent. He should have some responsibilities, some things to help get his mind off of all this. What about school?"

"He says he's not going back."

"He should. He needs to. Encourage him to."

"I don't even think he will talk to me Charles. Lillian and Will want him to come live with them for awhile."

Charles was quiet, didn't answer right away.

"Did you hear me love?" Elsie sat up again and looked at him.

"I did. How do you feel about that?" Charles was unsure of how he felt and he certainly didn't want to influence how Elsie felt by stating his own opinion too quickly.

"I don't know. I mean I don't want him to leave. I've missed him terribly and I want him to be here but I just wonder if it wouldn't be for the best? Will is so good with him. And Ben loves them." She sits completely up, the sheet falling down around her waist and then stands.

"Where are you going?"

"To check on Benjamin." She pulled her night dress over her head and left the room. Charles got up to check his pocket watch on the dresser. He hated to but he needed to go. It was nearly 5:00 am and he would have some explaining to do this morning to Lord Grantham. His heart was heavy, he wasn't sure what the next step was and even though Ben and her family knew about them, it didn't necessarily mean they could be together...yet. He was grateful for time alone with her but he certainly did not want to cause any more trouble with Ben. And he didn't need to risk getting caught. He dressed and went and picked up Rebecca. He couldn't help himself. He had to feel her tiny body against him, her soft, clean head against his cheek.

Elsie opened the door and groaned upon seeing him dressed. She went to him and put her arm around his waist, laid her head on his upper arm. He kissed and loved on the baby before laying her back in her cot, turned to Elsie and brought her into a warm embrace. "I love you Elsie. Marry me."

There was a long silence and Charles' heart beat just a little faster. "Okay." She finally voiced and he could not believe it. He pulled her away from him, his eyes wide. Elsie wore a slight smile.

"Okay? You _will_ marry me?" He grasped her arms and bent to look her in the eyes.

"Yes. I _will _marry you. But...Charles...I think I want to go away. Lillian and Will want us to come to Scotland." She paused to get his reaction.

Charles' heart sank a little. He tried his best to keep his feelings hidden but she noticed. He brought her to his chest. "We'll work everything out love."

"You don't want to go to Scotland." She said quietly, not so much as a question but a statement.

He pulled her back and looked at her. "We will work everything out and it will be perfect Elsie. If we have to move away from here to be together, if it's what is best for our family...for Ben...I will do that without hesitation."

"I love you so." Tears rushed to the boundaries.

"As much as I hate to, I must go my darling. I fear I will have much explaining to do." He kissed her lovingly on the lips. "I love you. Please try not to worry about Ben. If you need me, come to me or send for me. Okay?"

She grabbed his face and brought it down to hers, kissing him hard again. "Oh God...I love you. I shall miss you in my bed, by my side, holding me, loving me."

His desire began to rise and he knew he must make haste to leave. "...until we meet again darling. Was Ben still asleep?"

"Yes yes...very soundly." Elsie saw him to the door. They stepped carefully to the cottage door and whispered their goodbyes, another chaste kiss and she watched him mount the horse and ride away. He turned and blew her a kiss and her heart ached for him immediately.

###

"Carson! I am willing to help you as much as possible but we cannot function without proper dinner service!" Robert plodded around the study.

"I understand Milord and I'm terribly sorry. I will not let that happen again." Charles apologized, his hands behind his back.

"What happened Carson?" Robert softened.

"Elsie..Mrs. Burns told her son about us. He came here looking for me, angry...drunk. We had an altercation, in the courtyard. I was able to calm him but he couldn't manage his way home so I took him. He passed out before we got there. Mrs. Burns, needless to say, was distraught." His eyes darkened and he lowered his gaze. "I needed to be there with her...Milord."

"How is she?"

"Well she did agree to marry me."

"Oh Carson I'm happy for you. I truly am. But how will you manage? Obviously her son will be an obstacle."

"I don't view him as an obstacle Milord. He will need guidance and I'm hoping, in time, he will come to trust me. In the meanwhile, he may go stay with her sister, in Scotland.'

"Very good. I do hope it all works out. I think we need to discuss who will step in for you when you need to be there and then what the future might hold after you are married."

Charles' remembered her condition upon marrying...leaving this place. "Milord, she wants to go away."

Robert looks up at his butler. "I see." He pauses. "Is that what you want?"

"I can't say it is Milord but..."

"...but you will go. I understand that and I don't begrudge you that Carson. For selfish reasons, I wish it were different."

"Yes...I will go if that's what it means for us to be together. I wish it were different too."

"Do what you must to start training whom you think should take your place. And Carson, you know most of the staff is now talking...after the altercation with the lad. I think you're going to have to consider an announcement."

"Yes." His face was downcast. "I'll talk to Mrs. Walker this morning."


	28. Chapter 28

Ben sat on the edge of the settee, his pounding head in his hands.

"How are you love?" Elsie asked quietly from the chair across the room.

He squinted against the morning sunlight and found her. "How do you think I am?" he answered her, his tone harsh.

"Ben..." She closed her eyes and looked away, trying to stifle the tears that were building. "You cannot know how very sorry I am that I've hurt you."

"You're apologies are wasted on me. I _don't _forgive you...for what you've done to Da!" He put his boots on, visibly still struggling and headed for the door.

"Please Ben, don't leave. I will give you space. Just please don't leave again. You've nowhere to go and you need your home...please." She cried.

Ben stood in the door, angry tears building, his clenched his jaw together. He felt horrible and she was right, he had no where to go.

"Please Benny...we can work through this."

He spun around. "NO! We can't work through this! There is nothing to _work _through! You chose to defile your marriage to my father and there is no going back. He's DEAD!" Ben slammed his fist into the wall and left the cottage.

Lillian walked into the kitchen just as he bolted out the door and Elsie begged him not to leave. "Let him go love." She put her hand on Elsie's back. Elsie turned to her sister, a look of misery across her face. Lillian brought her into an embrace.

Elsie started to cry, her head resting on Lillian's shoulder, She thought back to her mother and her comforting hugs and how much she wanted her just now. "I miss mama. Your hugs are just like hers."

Lillian struggled to hold back her own tears. "I miss her too, wish she was here so much of the time to tell me what to do."

They separated. "Tea? Coffee?"

"Coffee" Lillian answered sitting at the table.

"Do you think she would approve of Charles?"

"In these circumstances?" Lillian exclaimed. "No way!"

"I know...not in these circumstances but otherwise? Did you like him sister?"

Lillian smiled. "He's lovely Els...really. I think it very kind of him to bring Ben home."

Elsie put a cup of coffee and cream in front of Lillian. "He cares about him...so much."

"He stayed last night?" Lillian sipped her drink, her eyes twinkling slyly above the rim of the cup.

Elsie was more ashamed than anything. She sat down with her own cup of coffee and closed her eyes wearily. "I can't stay away from him."

"Pretty risky with your son in the next room don't you think?"

"He was passed out, Lil. And had he _not_ been I never would've asked him to stay."

"Oh _you_ asked him to stay?"

"I did. I needed him..." she gave Lillian a sad eyed look. "His touch...his voice...everything...just soothes me to the core."

Lillian just watched her. "I think Benjamin should come stay with us Els."

Elsie eyed her sister, her heart heavy. She let her shoulders sag and sat back in the chair. "Oh Lil...I'm so confused...I don't know what is best any more."

They both perked to attention when they heard the tiny cries from the bedroom. "She slept all night!" Elsie smiled.

"Probably because her Papa and Mama were right beside her, eh?" Lillian smiled and got up. "I'll get her."

Elsie thought of that. She and Charles in the same bed, side by side, every night and their little one nearby, growing, thriving. And then Ben...she considers Ben and tears rush to the surface. _'What will become of my precious boy?'_ she questions.

###

"Mrs. Walker? Might I have a word?"

"Of course Mr. Carson." The housekeeper followed Charles to his pantry and he shut the door. She turned, slightly curious.

"Mrs. Walker, there is something I need to tell you. It's going to come out soon enough and I want you to hear it from me as I respect you and feel that I owe it to you."

She wrinkled her brow in question but didn't speak.

"I am going to be leaving Downton soon. I plan to be married." He pauses to let that soak in.

She gasps and brings her hand to her mouth. "OH! Mr. Carson! I had no idea!"

"I know...no one knows. His Lordship knows but he is the only family that does. You are now the only staff that knows."

"Why Mr. Carson, I've never even seen you courting a woman. I don't understand..."

"No Mrs. Walker, I'm afraid no one is going to understand." His eyebrows raised in animation.

"Well is it someone here? In the village? Or someone you've always known?" Mrs. Walker was stunned but her curiosity could not have piqued any more.

Charles took in a deep breath. "It's Mrs. Burns...Elsie." He held his breath. Mrs. Walker looked as if the wind had been knocked out of her, staring at him as if he had two heads. Charles could see her confusion, hurt possibly, and he tilted his head in that characteristic way, wanting to smooth things over. She lowered her gaze to her hands, resting in her lap. "I know this is a shock but...we've fallen in love and want to be together."

"I...uh...I'm not sure what to say Mr. Carson."

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know what was going on and know that I don't take leaving Downton easily. In fact, it will be very difficult for me to leave here. There are circumstances that have arisen that warrants us...leaving and possibly going to Scotland, where she is from to be closer to family."

Mrs. Walker's head was spinning a little and she tried to put together any kind of sensible response. She remembered seeing the darling child, the dark, curly hair, dark coloring, nothing like that of Elsie's other child...or dearly parted husband. "How...long...Mr. Carson...have you...been...seeing Mrs. Burns?"

Charles knew her, knew he would not escape a severe scrutinizing. He lowered his head again and took a moment to answer, he wanted to be truthful, it was not in him to lie. "About 10 months." He glanced up without moving his head.

If it could get more quiet in his pantry, it did. His heart was pounding, waiting..."I see Mr. Carson. And the bairn? It's yours?" She stated, not questioned.

He nodded. "She is..."

While Charles had worked closely with Mrs. Walker for many years and respected her, he didn't feel particularly close to her. He did not feel like he owed her an explanation of his feelings or what had transpired between them. Elsie was friends with her and if she cared to give her details, he was perfectly fine with that but for now, he would leave it at this. He asked her to keep his confidence for the time being as he worked through the next steps and he would make an official announcement, soon. Mrs. Walker didn't necessarily wish him well but told him she would miss him being at Downton and that there would be a void in the house without him. That meant a lot to him.

###

"Robert? Why are you just now telling me this?" Cora stood with her eyes wide with a look of disbelief on her face.

"Calm down Cora! I've only known a little while. I told Carson I would keep his confidence."

"Oh..I'm shocked. I can't take it in!" She plopped down on the bed. "I never took Mrs. Burns for..."

"For what Cora? Being a woman who needed the touch of a man who loves her and wants her?!"

Cora stood utterly stunned at Robert's words and then she could not help but laugh. "Since when have you concerned yourself with the affairs of Mrs. Burns' love life?"

"Oh Cora! Don't be stupid! I'm not so concerned with Mrs. Burns but I am concerned with my dear friend and the man that runs this household, Carson!"

Cora softened, she could sense Robert was upset. She was shocked at this development but was very interested to know more. "Robert, this is most curious and upsetting. I mean what a scandal this could bring! And with poor Mr. Burns dying like that."

"I know. I've talked in depth with Carson. I've never seen him like this Cora. He truly is sick with love for this woman."

"Oh I don't begrudge Carson a love interest. I truly don't...but..."

Robert held his hand up. "There's more Cora."

Her blue eyes were wide with anticipation. "What?"

"The baby..."

The air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. "Nooo..." Cora whispered bringing her hand to her mouth. "Robert...you don't mean...?"

"Yes...unfortunately I do."

Cora sat down, finally, on the chaise lounger in their bedroom. "Oh God Robert. This is..."

"I know..." Robert felt a heaviness inside. He knew the gravity of this and wondered he was thinking clearly enough. He wanted Carson to stay yet he knew what this kind of talk might bring to his house.

"What will they do? Has Carson said?"

"They plan to marry. Mrs. Burns just told her son recently, that was what the commotion was downstairs, just last evening. He came to have it out with Carson."

"Oh Robert. What a mess!"

###

Ben sat like a statue in the back of Mr. Roddinham's wagon. He would not look at Elsie as William and Lillian loaded their things into the back, alongside him. They had stayed another day before making the decision to go to relieve some of the tension in the house between Ben and Elsie. Elsie had cried more in the last few days than she could ever remember. Lillian cried with her, held her, tried to cheer her. She begged her to marry Charles and move to Scotland, near them, so they would have each other, so Rebecca could grow up near them and especially so Ben would have an outlet with William and the farm. Elsie had promised she would consider all of that and talk to Charles.

"Ben, you don't have to look at me or even speak to me but I hope you will hear me." Elsie's stood at the wagon, cradling Rebecca in her arms. "I love you Benjamin Lance. That has never changed and never will. You can hate me for the rest of your life, but I will never stop loving you. And it is my prayer that you will find it in your heart to forgive me one day. I want you to know your sister." She still didn't know if he realized Rebecca was not Joe's, she had never told him and was too afraid to tell him now. She stood for a moment, waiting for him to just look at her and he never did, although tears streamed down his face and she could see the sides of his jaw flexed with tension. Lillian leaned down and took Elsie's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and nodded at her, mouthed, "He'll be okay..."

The driver flipped the reigns and the wagon lurched forward. Elsie stood watching, tears coming steady now down her red cheeks. Ben rubbed both his eyes with his fists and blinked the fury away, the life he knew, as a little boy, was over and he was leaving behind the innocence of his childhood. He was devastated, sad; he could not deny that he loved his mother with all his heart and he missed her, missed the person he thought she was a week ago. And he could hardly bare to be pulling away from here, not knowing what his future would hold. Before they were completely out of sight, he looked at her and lifted his hand and waved. His chin quivered and hot tears traced the same tracks down his cheeks and he laid his head against the back of the seat.

Elsie thought she might collapse but she waved vigorously, crying and smiling until the wagon was out of sight. She held Rebecca close to her breast and kissed her tiny cheeks. "Oh my precious bairn...your brother waved at us. He waved..."


	29. Chapter 29

A bit of fluff today..nothing too serious!

* * *

Charles began the painful task of finding someone to take his place. There was no one at the Abbey ready to step into such a role right now. There were young footmen and even an under butler but Charles felt he was too young and still too worldly to take over that kind of responsibility. He had built a fine staff, he and Mrs. Walker and the house ran smooth and orderly. He took such pride in his work and this house that it left a pang in his heart to think of leaving. When he did let those feelings overwhelm him, he thought of Elsie and his little girl..and Ben; his family, waiting for him. It was easier then.

He shuffled through several resume's, finding none that suited him. It had been almost two weeks since he placed the advertisement. He was trying to avoid talking with his circle of friends, several of them Butler's in London, so as not to rise suspicion and explaining why he was leaving but he was fearing that might have to happen. These men were the upper class of the service industry, as was he, and he knew they would best know how to advise him and who to recommend. He pulled out his personal stationary and began to write.

###

"She's your mother lad. She loves ya and the older you get the more you'll understand. We all make mistakes Ben. No one is perfect and while your Da was a good man, he wasn't a great husband!" Will and Ben sat against a large tree, eating sandwiches while taking a break from the crops.

Ben sat quietly for a long while. "But it's wrong Uncle Will! It's wrong to take up with another man when you're married!"

"I know it is lad. And so does your mother and she's grieving because of that mistake but you gotta give her a chance again. She and Mr. Carson. He loves her and he wants what is best for ya."

"Oh bullocks! He don't want what is best for me! He wants me mother! I hate the thought of him being around the bairn too! He don't deserve to be around her! She's innocent!"

Will sighed heavily. "Lad don't be daft! The bairn is his."

Ben glanced over at his uncle, his mouth hanging open.

"It's time you knew and get on with it." Will couldn't look at him.

"Are you bloody joking?"

"No Will. I'm not. Rebecca is Mr. Carson's child."

"FUCK!" Will threw his sandwich.

###

Elsie hummed as she poured warm water over Rebecca's tiny body. The baby cooed and kicked excitedly. "You like your bath lil lass? Yes you do...don't ya" she smiled. She didn't hear Charles knock. He opened the door slightly and saw her at the sink. He slipped in and watched, listened to her talk to their daughter. His heart swelled with such pride and joy. He didn't want to scare her so he cleared his throat and whispered her name. "Elsie?"

She still jumped but not dramatically. "OH!" She turned slightly. "Charles! I didn't hear you!"

He smiled and joined her, snaked his around her waist, putting his palm against her hip. He leaned in and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Hi darling, and hi my little love." He had only seen the baby fully naked since she was born and he couldn't help but smile at her tiny little features. He reached down and tickled her belly. "Papa is here."

"You want to finish?" Elsie grinned and handed him the soft cotton cloth. She cradled Rebecca's head to support it, her tiny body partly submerged in a small tub in the sink, while Charles ran the cloth over her belly and legs and feet.

Charles laughed. "I've never seen her so feisty. She likes a bath huh?"

"Oh she loves it!" Elsie admired him, his loving gestures toward Rebecca, the love that poured from him when he was with her. He was so natural at fatherhood. He acted so comfortable and unfazed. "You are so good with her Charles." She purred.

He tilted his head and looked at Elsie. "I love her so much Elsie. I can't imagine my life without her now...or you." He smiled.

She covered his hand with hers and gave it a squeeze. "What are you doing love? I didn't think your half day was until Thursday?"

"I traded with Mrs. Walker. I couldn't wait any longer to see you and this little girl." He leaned down and talked directly at Rebecca. "No I couldn't...I needed to see my little love. Papa needed to see his two favorite girls." The baby cooed and kicked her feet and suddenly a fountain shot up from just below the surface of the water and she pee'd directly in his face, gurgling and grinning, her little blue eyes twinkling as if she did it on purpose.

Charles gasped and closed his eyes. "OH! OH NO!" He placed his hand over her body to stop the spray. He and Elsie started laughing so hard they could barely stay upright. "OH BUGGERS!"

Elsie grabbed the towel nearby and handed it to him. "I'm sorry..." she laughed and brought her hand to her mouth. He wiped his face and steadied his laughter. He handed her the towel back and she laid it across her chest while he reached in and picked little Rebecca up and handed her, wet and naked to her mother. Elsie wrapped her in the towel. "You're a naughty little bairn, peeing on your Papa like that." She kissed her over and over and walked down the hall to the bedroom. Charles followed.

They laid on the bed with the baby for a long while. Elsie let her lie naked, in between them, under another thick towel to avoid any further mishaps. She was happy and kicked and cooed and they leaned over her once in a while and kissed tenderly.

"This is the happiest place on earth for me Elsie...right here...with you and our little girl lying between us." Her ran the back of his hand down her cheek.

Elsie got Rebecca's clothes and a nappy. She taught Charles how to put it on, as he had never done that. His hands were big and smooth, gentle. Every time she brushed against him, the ember that was started inside her flamed a little higher. She was but a breath from his lips and their eyes met, both of them heavy with desire for one another. She lay Rebecca in her cot and returned to the bed. She pushed him down to a lying position and reached to unfasten his trousers. Soon she was over him, her lips covering the tip of his manhood. Charles groaned loudly and his breath caught in his throat.


	30. Chapter 30

**So so so distracted..I HATE distractions! UGH! Here's a little ditty...;)**

* * *

Elsie's own desire soared when she did this to Charles. She found it intensely satisfying to taste him, bring him this kind of pleasure. Joe had never responded like Charles. She felt ashamed and like a failure if she tried to please Joe. He thought it was a man's place to instigate sexual pleasure and it turned him off if she wanted to be the aggressor. She had often lie awake, crying, struggling, to understand what was wrong with her.

She had learned since being with Charles that it was not her, it was Joe who had a problem. Charles had brought out a sensual side of her that had always been there, it had just been suppressed. She used her nails to lightly tickle him, her mouth and tongue to lavish the apex of his manliness.

"AHHHHHH..." Charles' stomach muscles tightened and his entire body twitched in response. "Elsie..." he hissed, his eyes tightly shut, his mouth agape. "I...oh...gods...please...you have to stop..." She did stop and he was on fire where her mouth once was. He gasped for breath. "Oh...sweetheart...ahhh..." His eyes rolled back into his head.

Both of them were still fully dressed. He was only exposed as far as his trousers were open. She moved off of him and slipped out of her casual dress and chemise which held her fuller breasts in place. Charles groaned at the sight, reaching up to touch them. She pulled her knickers off, another freedom she had only begun to enjoy since being with Charles. In all her years, married to Joe, she had never slept naked beside him. He said it wasn't right and he didn't like the feeling of their skin touching. The first time she and Charles made love, she immediately got up to dress and Charles pulled her back down to him, wrapped himself around her and told her how good she felt against him, begging her to stay that way.

He grasped her arms and flipped them over, he on top now. Elsie ran her hands under his drawers, cupping his bare bottom in her palms, pulling him to her, grinding against his hard erection.

He ran his finger along her jawline, his hazel eyes fixed on her piercing blue eyes. "I love you so much," he whispered, overwhelmed by this moment. He brushed her lips so lightly, let his tongue trace the line of her bottom lip. He kissed her nose, nipped at her chin, and licked the hollow place in her neck. Elsie needed him, he knew it, felt it when she reached to massage him. The familiar whimpering sound she started to make, her breath catching more rapidly.

"Love...oh Charles...please..." she begged.

His mouth is at her breast, his tongue circled her hardened nipple now. She bucked against the weight of him on her, moaned out her love and need for him. "I...need...you...darling...please..." She reached down and rubbed her swollen, sensitive nub, grasping his shaft too, guiding it to her slick opening. "...Charles?" She cried.

He grinned against her mouth and she could tell. "Stop teasing me!" She bit at his chin and laughed then gasped loudly when he slammed into her. "OH! OH GOD...YES!" She arched her back, her head into the pillow. Charles was up on his knees, at her opening, watching what he was doing to her. He slowly pulled out just to the entrance then entered her again quickly and forcefully. He did this over and over until she was writhing in ecstasy. His large hands gripped her fleshy hips, each time he pushed in, he pulled her into him, creating almost unbearable pressure and friction against his shaft.

"Take these off...I want to feel all of you against me." The fabric of his drawers were doing nothing for her and she wanted to feel the soft curls of his thighs and groin against her. She was sitting up on her elbows, pulling at the fabric of his undershorts. She watched him move fluidly in and out of her for a moment, reached down to rub him, look at his face. Her mind wondered only momentarily to the memory of Joe, why couldn't she ever make him look like this, feel like this? She could only surmise it was the lack of true love. She loved Charles so deeply that she wanted to make him feel this way; willing to go against what was right, in the eyes of the church and what she knew and was taught as a child. Every inch of her wanted to please him and she never felt that way with Joe.

She kissed him lovingly and whispered how much she loved him when he pulled away to pull his undershorts off. She hitched her legs up around his hips, opening herself wider and deeper when he entered her again. Her muscles were weak from having the baby but she tightened as much as she could creating friction against him. Soon she was crying out his name and coming hard, her body writhing under him. Charles pulled out of her and let her finish him with her hands. They had made the decision not to tempt fate and he had not come inside her since the baby.

They laid breathless, tangled in the sheets and their sex. The sun cast dim afternoon shadows across the bedroom floor. Rebecca was still awake in her cot, cooing contentedly. They held each other and laughed at her sweet sounds. "She's such a good baby Charles. How did we get so lucky?"

"She's the best of you and me..hmmm?"

"Yeah..she is." Her tone dropped and she became quiet. Charles sensed it.

"What is it?"

"Do you feel guilty? Do you ever feel shame? About this...about living in sin?

He let out a very audible sigh. "I suppose...but..." her question irritated him somewhat. He pulled away and sat up on the edge of the bed, rubbed his face with his palm.

"Charles..I didn't mean.." She sat up and ran her nails down his back and he bristled a little which hurt her.

"We wouldn't _have _to live in sin Elsie. I want to marry you. I want to make this right. But if you aren't going to marry me then you have to stop this if it bothers you that bad. I cannot come here and you seduce me and then when we make love you...you fall into a bloody righteous heap..."

"_Me_ seduce you?" She asks incredulously. "You think I instigated...and...a righteous heap? I didn't know I had done that, I'm sorry!" She says sarcastically. She stopped talking and laid back again. She knew what he meant and he was right and she did not want to fight with him. "I said I would marry you Charles."

"When?" He turns to her. "I want our life together to start..._now_. I need more than this. I want to be here, I want to wake up with you and go to bed with you. I want to feed her and change her and bathe her." He gestured toward the cot. He turned back around and put his face in his hands.

Elsie watched him with a lump in her throat. She thought of how much she hated the person she had become. She was taking advantage of Charles and his love for her, his goodness.

"I think it's probably best if I go," his voice was low and affected.

She closed her eyes and it forced tears down the sides of her face. "Oh god...please don't go. Not like this..."

He turned and took her hand that she stretched across the bed to him. "I don't want to cause you anymore...remorse...or guilt."


	31. Chapter 31

"Well Lil I thought he had the right to know! And the more time passes, the worse it gets!" William took a swig of scotch.

"I just think it was Elsie's place to tell him!"

"Elsie is not here! And who knows if and when she will be?! Ben deserves the truth, Lillian and the opportunity just came up. You know he has no desire to go back there."

Lillian dried her hands on her apron and turned to him. "I know and I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to go back. Everything that was good in his life has been stripped away." She sat at the table with William. "I don't know Will, do you think Elsie will ever be okay? Can she and Charles marry and imake t work?"

Will sat for a long while. "I think so. We made our situation work, didn't we? 20 years of wedded bliss." He held his glass up and grinned.

Lillian rolled her eyes and grinned back at him before turning serious again. "No one knew it. We got married quickly and no one suspected when Henry came along!"

"Elsie and Charles could do the same, they'll have to get out of Yorkshire. Neither of them will be able to withstand the scrutiny it would bring if they stayed. I doubt Lord Grantham will allow Elsie to stay on. He surely has other tenants that will work the land and will move into that house, no?"

"Yeah I suppose you're right. They need a fresh start and this is perfect place for them to do it!"

"I gotta get back to the boys. We'll be home for supper." Will stood, leaned down and kissed his wife, tipped her chin with her finger. "You're a good woman, Lil...a good sister!"

She smiled at him and kissed him back. "Tell Henry to bring Edith and have supper with us, we've got plenty!"

Henry was Lillian and William's oldest son. He was twenty and had been married to Edith for almost a year. Their son, James, was 18 and closer to Ben as they had spent many summers together. Will was comfortable at Lillian and William's home and Lillian was grateful he had a place to feel at home. She just prayed Elsie would get him back one day.

###

"Charles I want us to be together but I know you don't want to leave Yorkshire. I just can't see how..." Elsie sighed and sat up again, wrapped her arms around him from behind, laying her cheek on his back. "You know what this will do to me...if I stay here..."

He turned in her arms, covering her arms with his. "I'll admit, I never thought I would leave Yorkshire. I was born and raised here...always thought if I did marry and have a family I would raise them here. But...my darling lass, the most important thing to me is to be with you and our daughter...and Ben. I will do whatever is best for our family and if that means moving away from here, I'll have my bags packed by sundown." He gave her an understanding smile and padded away a tear from her cheek. "This does not have to be complicated now. Joe is gone..." he lowered his gaze.

"What will we do? I have some money put away...from my dressmaking, not enough for us to live on forever though." She had a worried expression.

"I've got money love. I've spent very little of my salary the last 30 years. And...I had money from an investment I made in 1900 that has paid off well. We will be okay for awhile then we can do something together, maybe open a shop, you can make dresses, I'll sell wine...I don't know..we'll make it work." His spirits had lifted and he was like a child, planning an outing.

She smiled at him and ran her finger across his lips. "When?"

"As soon as I find a replacement, it will take me about 2 weeks to get them acclimated. In the meantime, I will come every chance I can to help you pack."

"Let's get married now. Let's go to London and get married." Elsie stated.

"Oh Elsie are you serious?"

She nodded and kissed him passionately. "I want to be your wife as soon as possible. No one has to know but us." I'll write Lillian and she can help in finding us a place near Argyll. I know it will upset Ben initially but if we are close to him, maybe..."

"Yes darling...we will work on him..." Charles was overjoyed that she was eager to marry. There was a pensiveness inside him about leaving but he knew, in his heart, this was best.

"I love you Charles Carson. I can't live without you." Elsie closed her eyes and brought her finger to her lip, swallowing the sudden emotion that had welled up.

He kissed her forehead and brought her into his arms. "You won't have to love. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I promise you, our life will be amazing together.


	32. Chapter 32

Two weeks had passed and the new Butler had arrived and was settling in at the Abbey. There is a somber tone around the house both upstairs and down. While Charles had a joy in his heart he has never known, as a married man and father, he was also grieving for the life he had only ever known and the family he had always called his.

"Carson might I have a word after breakfast, in my study?" Robert addressed his Butler before leaving the table.

"Of course Milord." The new Butler was shadowing Carson for the last time today and Carson would say his goodbyes to the family at afternoon tea. His bags were packed, what few belongings he had collected over the years in a trunk, and the car would take him and his family to the train station early in the morning. He had arranged for as much of Elsie's things, from the cottage, to be sent by train earlier in the week. Will was to retrieve them and take them to a small cottage that they were to lease once they arrived in Scotland. Charles was a bit nervous, letting someone else handle the details of his life, but he continually told himself once they settled in, life would get under way.

Elsie had spent the morning crying. She had lived down to the bare bones this week as most of her stuff had gone ahead. She and Charles had married a week ago, in London, among strangers. Lord and Lady Grantham had been so kind to her and insisted on watching Rebecca for the day. She had been so ashamed to show her face at the Abbey, knowing they knew of her indiscretion and moral failing but they treated her no different than if she had been there to fit the girls for new dresses. She had in fact, worked hard for those 2 weeks to make each girl a new dress even though she was reluctant to gift it for fear of how the Grantham's might take it, Lady Cora had hugged her so warmly, with tears in her eyes and thanked her sincerely. Beryl Patmore had hugged her tightly as well and wiped at her own tears when Elsie came in. Mrs. Walker was less enthusiastic but she bid her well.

She sat at the kitchen table and wept; the memories in this house were many. Her son and daughter were born here; the laughter that had filled this tiny kitchen, the meals, the games at this table were happy times for the most part. She would leave this place and likely never return. She had buried her husband in this county along with all the things that had been wrong with them. She swallowed the emotions of bitterness and resentment and vowed to never think on it again. Joe had given her a wonderful son that she cherished and would fight until her dying day to get him back and she was grateful to him for that. She would only remember the good and let go of the hurt.

She took Rebecca that afternoon to the tiny church cemetery in the village. She had picked a bunch of wild flowers from around the cottage that Joe maintained year after year. She laid them across the small white stone and thanked him for a good life. Promised him she would get Ben back and take care of him. She asked for his forgiveness and in turn forgave him.

###

"Carson, there are no adequate words to express my gratitude to you and the years of service you've devoted my family. I had wished this would go differently but I think we both knew that it could not stay as it was."

Carson lowered his head, his hands behind his back. "Thank you Milord and yes, I think we knew. I'm sorry if I've let you down. My decisions have brought this on and while I am happy in one respect, I'm terribly sad to leave the home and family that I've known my entire adult life. I'm sorry to leave on these conditions." He was fighting tears now, he vowed he would not do this.

Robert's eyes were moist with tears as well. "Ol' Chap." He walked over and put his hand on Carson's shoulder. "You've been the greatest, most loyal friend I've ever known." The tears escaped their boundaries now and when Carson glanced up and saw this, his own emotion got away from him. He put his hand in front of his mouth to stifle it as best he could. "I will miss you and I you owe me no apologies. You leave this house with your head held high and my families utmost love and respect." The two friends embrace in a genuine, heartfelt goodbye.

"Thank you Milord."

Robert pulled away and took his hand to shake. "It's Robert now Charles." Charles closed his eyes for a moment and gave him a slight nod and smile. "There's one other thing." Robert walked to his desk and picked up an envelope. "Cora and I want you to have this. Call it a wedding present, a gift to start your daughter's future, whatever you want. It's our gift to you and your new family."

Charles looked stunned, tentatively took the envelope from his hands, and ran his finger under the flap. His mouth gaped open when he saw the note. 2 years wages. "I can't except this Milord. I simply cannot."

"You most certainly can and you will Charles. Now, I know you have a lot to finish today so I will let you get to it and we will see you at afternoon tea. The girls will be there...I think they've got gifts of their own to give you!" He grinned and walked away, leaving Charles to recover from the shock of it.

###

The goodbyes were fraught with emotion and tears. Lady Mary was almost 17 and she simply adored Carson. He had always had a special place in his heart for her. She was the most emotional of them all. She cried on his shoulder and he patted her softly and told her he would certainly keep in touch. "There there...love...this isn't goodbye forever. We will stay in touch."

The girls had all chosen small tokens of love and wrapped them for Carson. He was so moved and delighted to know how much they cared for him. Cora hugged him tightly and thanked him for so many wonderful years. "I just don't know how we will manage without you here." Tears filled her piercing blue eyes. "I hope life will be so good to you and Elsie and the baby. She holds a very special place in my heart, you know. I will miss her greatly and I fully expect to see you and your family from time to time. You are always welcome as guests in our home!" He nodded his sincere thanks and love.

Charles reached the top of the stairs that he would take for the last time. He looked around the grand saloon toward the front entry hall and massive front entrance doors. How many years he had stood in receipt of Lords and Ladies, Dukes, Earl's and every other class that had walked through them. A tear strayed down his cheek, he clenched his jaw, squared his shoulders, and descended the stairs.

###

The women and girls cried downstairs as well. Carson had been staunch, unwavering in his ethics and professionalism with his staff, often grumpy and off putting but he cared deeply for each of them and they knew it. He had guided them in the ways of service and life to many of the young ones, always had an open door and ear to any of them that needed him. He held his emotion at bay while in the servant's hall, went to his pantry one last time. His desk looked odd, bare. He took in a great breath, as if he could capture the scent of that place that he spent most of the last 30 years. He closed the door and walked to the back door, took his coat and derby hat off the hook and without looking back walked into the late afternoon sun. The car was there, just as Robert had promised and loaded with all his earthly possessions. He allowed himself to glance back, just once, as the car left the court and headed toward his two loves; the grand house standing tall against the blue skies over this great land that he loved so much. His heart clenched tight in his chest and pushed down all the sorrow that was trying to well up in him.


	33. Chapter 33

Charles instructed the chauffeur to keep the trunk in the boot of the car; no sense in unloading it for the night. The driver nodded and told him he would see them in the morning. Charles thanked him and stood outside the small cottage door. The days were longer now and the evening sun was just beginning to set. The air smelled sweet, the orchard behind the house was in full bloom and the scent of blossoms filled the air. He thought of his boyhood, running through the orchards, stopping to pick a peach or an apple when his heart desired. This country was his home and he was leaving it. He was a man of middle age now and the last 10 months had seen his life turned upside down. His heart ached for things to stay the same yet he was delighted to be going into the future as a married man and father. He smiled and picked up his valise and opened the door to the cottage.

Elsie sat at the kitchen table, waiting on him. Their weary eyes met and she got up and rushed to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He laid his head against hers and enveloped her with both arms when he put the valise down. They both cried and held each other for a long while.

"Darling, are you okay?" Elsie took his hand and pulled him to the living room to sit. She reached up and cupped his face.

Charles smiled and gazed at her. "I'm good love," he said; that rich timbre literally causing her to tremble inside.

Elsie could not help but sense his melancholy and it made her doubt for only a moment. "Any regrets?" She searched his hazel orbs.

He gazed at her and reached up to tuck a loose tendril of hair behind her ear, letting his warm hand linger at her cheek. "Never..." he whispered. Tears rushed to the boundaries of her blue eyes.

She fell into his arms and he kissed her so passionately and she moaned into his mouth, her tongue finding his and returning the passion. They kissed and fondled each other until their lips were red and swollen and they laughed at how they acted like teenagers.

"Let's eat something and turn in. I want to rock my daughter to sleep and then..." he tipped her chin up with his finger. "I want to make love to my wife." He brushed her lips so lightly with his. "...hold her so close tonight..." kissed her chin, jawline. "...sleep the most blissful sleep with the woman I love."

"Mmmm..." you make me come undone love," Elsie purred.

They had a quiet dinner and retired to the bedroom soon after. They played with Rebecca on the bed and when Elsie started to nurse her, he quickly slipped on his night clothes and slid in beside them, watching with mesmerized joy as his child sleepily suckled at his wife's breast. She handed her to him eventually and he did what he said he would; he walked around, cradling and rocking with her until she feel asleep. He gently laid her in the cot and turned to look at Elsie. She was sitting with her her knees drawn up, her hands wrapped around them, a smile on her face and so much love exuding out of her he could almost see it, certainly feel it.

They made love; slow and reverent. They were both exhausted and emotionally drained but wanted the connection that only love making could bring. They laid together, entwined and fell asleep in peaceful slumber.

###

Charles proudly took his baby daughter in his arms and offered his hand to help Elsie out of the car at the train station. The morning sun was bright and his heart was full. Elsie felt the same way. She had not smiled so much in a very long time but she was almost relieved to be starting new, free from oppression and madly in love with the man she knew God had made just for her. She had made her peace with Joe and she felt confident that Ben would come around. She stepped out of the car beaming.

The chauffeur pulled the two trunks from the car and the rest of the luggage and the train conductor helped load them onto the train car. They were just about to step onto the train when a strangled cry came from behind them.

"Elsie? Elsie Burns?!" A woman about middle age stood behind them. Elsie turned but did not recognize the plain woman before her.

"Yes? Do I know you?"

"No, I suppose you don't." The woman walked closer to them and peered over Charles' arm to look at the baby. Charles turned a bit in protection and took a step in front of Elsie.

"What is your purpose with Mrs Bur...Elsie?" Charles asked.

The woman stood looking precariously at Elsie, looking at her dress, her hat. She seemed to have a scowl on her face. "I'm Mrs. Burns..." the woman stated.

Wanting to be kind to her, Elsie smiled, noting her odd behavior and the coincidence of her name. "Okay. Have we had business together possibly?"

"No...you and I have never had an occasion to meet. But I knew your husband, Joe."

Elsie stood back a bit and swallowed hard. "Oh?"

"Yeah...he was my husband too."


	34. Chapter 34

*So...yeah...someone mentioned this a few reviews back and I've been ignoring the idea of Joe having another "life" until literally the second before I was going to post this chapter. It just wrote itself :) So we shall see...i have no idea where to go with this. Thanks for hanging in and the suggestions and encouragement!

###

"Pardon?" Elsie questioned in genuine honesty.

The woman looked at her feet then off to the side as if she were waiting for someone to show up. Tears filled her eyes. "Joe Burns was my husband..." she repeated.

Elsie thought she might need to sit down, everything seemed to be spinning a little. She took Charles' hand to steady herself and she looked to him, hoping he might explain what she was not quite understanding. Charles was somewhat irritated. "What business do you have with my wife, madame?"

The lady looked just as stunned as Elsie. "You...your wife?" She addressed Charles now.

"Yes..my wife. What business do you have here? What are speaking of?" The train conductor called out to board the train. All 3 of them looked about and there was a new anxiety.

"I'm sorry but I think you've mistaken me for someone else." Elsie spoke softly to the woman that had moved closer to them now.

"Are you Elsie Burns? Married to the recently deceased Joe Burns...you have a son, Benjamin?" Elsie looked at Charles with fear in her eyes. "Is that your bairn there?" She gestured toward Rebecca.

Charles turned and handed Rebecca to Elsie. "Get on the train Elsie. He took a step toward the woman. Elsie did not move. "Ma'am, I do not want to be unkind but you are upsetting my wife and we have a train to catch..."

Tears were coming down the woman's face now. "I do not wish to upset her...I only wanted to...see her..."

Elsie's heart went out to this stranger, this woman speaking of her husband...she said Joe was her husband, Elsie thought. Rebecca began to cry and Elsie tried to shush her. "What did you say your name was?" She stepped toward her.

"My name is Mary...Mary Burns. I am..._was_...married to Joe for the last 17 years. I live in Ripon. I didn't know..." she cried, putting her trembling hand over her mouth. "I didn't know about you...I mean I didn't think you were...alive..."

Elsie handed Rebecca back to Charles who was now obviously bothered. "Elsie...we must board the train."

"Just a minute Charles." She put her hand up and walked to the woman. "What are you saying? That you've been married to my husband..." Charles stiffened at those words.

Mary nodded her head, still crying. "I didn't know about you...didn't know you were alive until his funeral..."

Elsie closed her eyes and was shaking her head, waving her hand. "Wait...I...I don't understand what you're saying...I..."

"ALL ABOARD...LAST CALL!" The conductor yelled, walking along the platform and locking doors.

"Elsie...we must go!" Charles voice was laced with anxiety.

Elsie turned to Charles and then back to Mary. "I...I have to go..." The strange woman stood with a look of complete dejection and sadness. Elsie turned back to Charles and looked at him with the same expression.

Charles had no idea what to do or say. He wasn't sure who this woman was or what she was wanting exactly. It didn't make sense to him and it surely did not make sense how she knew Elsie would be here this morning and why she would come now. "We must go love..." he spoke softly, his eyes pleading with her.

"LAST CALL! Sir..Madame?" The conductor stood in front of the ensemble and gave them one last chance to get on.

"Elsie..?!" Charles' tone was raised and he was angry. He turned to the woman and touched the brim of his hat. "If you will excuse us Madame, we must be going."

Elsie gave her an apologetic glance. "I'm sorry..." With that she stepped onto the train car steps with Charles behind her, holding the baby.

The woman watched them, followed their movement as they entered a compartment and Elsie sat against the window. She gazed at Mary with a forlorn expression. She felt sick to her stomach. She tried to smile and thought about waving but why? The train began to pull away and Elsie burst into tears.

Charles was sweating; frustrated, confused. He put Rebecca in a small woven bassinet and placed it carefully on the wide seat in the compartment. It was a first class compartment that allowed them total privacy when the doors were shut. Charles shut them and sat next to Elsie and wrapped his arms around her. "Love...I don't know what just happened but I'm sure there is a mistake...this is a mistake. This woman...she...she probably wants money or something."

Elsie leaned in to him,still crying. "I don't think so Charles...did you see the look in her eyes? I shall never be able to get that look out of my mind."

He just held her, his mind a blur of thoughts. He didn't know what to say. This was too much to take in. "I...I just can't believe...do you think she meant she had _been_ married to Joe or _was_ married to him?" Charles asked.

"She said he was her husband...but I can't..." Elsie shook her head slowly, trying to make any kind of sense out of the woman's words. "Do you think Joe...I mean...how could he have been married to her Charles? We were married 21 years. I was 17 when we married. He was 19. How...?" Elsie put her hand to her mouth and warm tears spilled down her cheeks again. She just looked out the window again.

Charles hurt for her. He didn't see how this was possible but he vowed silently he would find out. He would write Lord Grantham once they were settled and ask him to help him find out. He pulled Elsie closer to his side and kissed the top of her head. "We'll get to the bottom of it love...I promise."

They made the rest of the trip in near silence. Elsie nursed the baby and looked out he window for the majority of the trip. Charles' consolation was that she remained nestled against him and laid her head on his shoulder some. She needed his touch and that put his mind at ease.

The conductor came around to offer refreshments and they both took tea. They arrived a few hours later at the station in Glasgow where William and Lillian were waiting. They greeted one another warmly but Lillian knew immediately something was wrong. "What's the matter? she whispered as they headed to the wagon.

Elsie rolled her eyes and gave her sister a weak smile. "You wouldn't believe it if I told you. But it's too complicated and too long to tell here...later."

"Hmmm...is it you and...Charles...is everything okay?"

"Oh yes...we are fine. He is so...good to me." She smiled.

"Well give me something...I'll worry myself to death. And let me see my niece." She took Rebecca from Elsie and made over her.

"Oh sister...it's awful...it's just incomprehensible!" Elsie's eyes were wide with fear.

Lillian stopped dead in her tracks. "You must tell me...you must! You can't say that and then plan on telling me later!"

"I will, let us get inside. How is Ben Lil?"

Lillian smiled. "He seems okay." She lowered her head. "Will told him about the bairn."

"WHAT?"

"I'm sorry Els...I truly am but he said he felt like he needed to know it now and they were talking. You know Will is good for him. Ben opens up to William...he needs that right now Elsie."

Elsie bit the inside of her jaw. She didn't know what to feel anymore. She hooked her arm in Lillian's. "I'm grateful to you...William. It gives me such comfort to know he is here and safe."

Lillian kissed Rebecca. "He will be okay eventually. And he seems to be enjoying it here. He and Joseph have fun at least...they knock each other about and laugh alot."

It was another half hour outside of Glasgow before they reached the house. It was lovely, small yet cozy. Elsie smiled when they pulled up. "Oh...Lil...it's lovely!"

Lillian smiled as the men helped the ladies out of the wagon. "Do you? I know you won't want to stay here forever but what fortune to have it now, eh?"

"Indeed it is."

The home had previously been occupied by an older gentleman and his wife, whom both had since passed on. The property and house were in in good condition and the couple's children now owned it. All but one of their children lived away. William had gotten in touch with him when he knew Elsie and Charles would be moving there and asked if he would consider selling it. He would not sell it but he compromised and said he would lease it to them in exchange for keeping it up. He told Will it would relieve him of having to do the up keep for it.

"There's indoor plumbing but no gas. You'll have to heat everything yourself." Will opened the cottage and pushed the door back. Charles felt his heart sink a little. He had never lived anywhere, as an adult, but Downton. While his own quarters were small and minimal, he still had the opportunity, everyday, to live in luxury and beauty. This cottage was in no way luxurious or beautiful but he considered how this would be the first place he and Elsie and their wee bairn would live. That realization did make him smile and gave him hope.


	35. Chapter 35

***Struggling so much with this right now...have hit the proverbial writer's block. UGH! Sorry for the boring blather...I'll get inspired soon! xoxo**

"It looks lovely darling." Charles pushed in, carrying two large burlap sacks of food from the market. He sat the bags on the wooden farm table of their little kitchen and went to her. She had been hanging curtains she made the night before. Her melancholy mood had not escaped his conscious. He wrapped his hand around her hip and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

"Charles, did you send the letter to Lord Grantham?"

Charles sat down and Elsie fixed him a cup of tea then started putting groceries away. "I did love. I won't hear back for at least a week. You know how the post runs between here and there with writing your sister all these years, no?"

Elsie sighed heavily. "Yes, I do. I'm just so anxious to know something. I can't go on like this...I'm nearly mad with worry and wonder."

"Yes I know dear." He raised his eyebrows as he took a sip of tea.

She left her task of putting away the groceries and sat with him. "I'm sorry sweetheart." She reached for his hand and covered it with her own. "I don't mean to be distant. I'm just..."

Charles covered both of their hands. "Love, I can't imagine what is going through your head. If Joe truly was living another life...with another family, I can't even speak of how I would feel because it's unconscionable." Elsie's eyes began to water anew and she sniffed up the emotion. "But...what I can tell you is that you are safe and you are here with me. We have our daughter to raise and a new life to start."

She started nodding, tears pouring down her cheeks. "I love you and there is nothing that will ever change that. I will never hurt you and I will never leave you." Charles searched her eyes now. "Do you understand? I will never hurt you Elsie. You deserve so much better than what Joe..." His teeth ground together and the sides of his jaw flexed in anger. The thought of him ever hurting her brought on an anger that he rarely felt.

"I just feel so horrible...I don't want Ben to go through any more than he already has and this will kill him Charles. He thought Joe was next to the King."

"Well we will find out. His Lordship will help us...we'll get answers and until then, we will set up our home and spend our time loving our baby girl and each other." He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and leaned in to kiss her. "You know we've yet to break in our new place..." his wild eyebrows waggled and she could not stifle the laugh that rose up.

She touched her bottom lip where his lips just were. "Hmmm...tonight love...I promise."

Slightly disappointed, Charles stood and offered his hand as she began to stand. He pulled her close to him, ran his hand down her lower back and cupped her bottom with one hand and brought his palm up and gently cupped one breast, squeezed tenderly while kissing her lips. "Tonight..." he whispered.

###

William came to get Elsie and the baby to take them to see Ben. She was nervous but was determined to go to him and at least try. Charles kissed her and Rebecca and encouraged her on. "I'll be here when you get back." He promised with a smile.

Charles closed the door to the cottage that was now his home. He stood in the kitchen and looked around. It was modest but homey. It still needed Elsie's touch here and there but it was coming along. He rapt his knuckles on the table and resolved to make himself useful. If there was anything in the world he was unused to it was idleness. Charles Carson had worked for the last 25 year in service and he didn't know how to do nothing. He had met with the owner of the land and cottage and squared away rent for the next 6 months and agreed to tend to the horse and mule that was left when the previous owners passed on. There was a small barn that needed some work and a garden that needed a lot of attention. He had always favored gardening but had little chance to do it himself. He thought he could wile away his time tending to that for now. Summer was coming on and he could plant some vegetables instead of relying on a vendor in town. But first he would unpack the box he brought from his office at Downton. There was a small writing desk in the living room and Elsie said she was happy for him to have it as his own space.

###

Lillian and William had made a good life for themselves in Argyll. The land they possessed was part of William's family land that had been farmed for more than a hundred years. He was known for being a good business man and people trusted him. They had raised their sons to work this land and the cattle there. Henry and his wife lived close by in a small farm house that He and Williams built themselves. They were a close family and Ben was flourishing being there. Elsie could see it when she walked in. He was grinning and playfully punching Joseph in the arm. When he realized Elsie was standing inside the door, he stopped...smiling and playing.

"Hello love." Elsie smiled gently.

Ben stood motionless for quite some time then rubbed his brow. "Hi mum."

Elsie wanted to leap for joy. She completely expected him to run away or scoff at her. He actually said hi and that was enough. She took an inconspicious deep breath and moved inside the house a little further. Rebecca was squirming in her arms a bit. "You want to see your sister?"

Ben didn't move. Anger rose up in him when he remembered what Uncle Will had told him about Rebecca. He clenched his jaw tight and his face grew red. "She's not my sister!" He pushed past Elsie and stormed out the door. Everyone stood quietly and Elsie's faced flushed hot with embarrassment.

TBC...


	36. Chapter 36

Charles sat down in the Windsor chair in the living room. He looked out the dirty window(making a mental note to clean that)mindlessly fingering the paper knife that Mrs. Walker had gotten him some 20 years earlier. He thought about Downton, the only family he had every claimed, and it made him wistful. His heart ached a good bit of the time when he thought about that life and he felt guilty because of it. He wanted Elsie and Rebecca more than anything in the world and there was nothing that would change that. He was so happy to be a married man, a father, but there was a sadness in him that he was a little confused about. He had traded worrying about the proper wine for dinner parties to worrying about his wife and if he was enough to make her forget the past and move forward.

###

Elsie got her wits about her quickly and handed Rebecca to Lillian and rushed out the door after her son. "BEN! BENJAMIN LANCE BURNS! YOU STOP RIGHT NOW!" She ran to catch up with him.

Ben stopped but did not turn around. Elsie reached him and yanked him around by his arm,anger now burning in her own eyes. "You _will_ not disrespect _your _sister or me any longer! That bairn is part of you, you both have the same blood running through your veins so don't you dare say she is not yours! She doesn't deserve this!" Elsie started to cry but was resolute. "Listen...I know you _think _you hate me...but you don't Benjamin. I am your mother and I've always been here for you. I've loved you, I've nurtured you. I made a decision, in the eyes of the law and the church, that was wrong and I will forever have to live with that regret but you don't know how it was with your father and I. I sheltered you from a lot. You may never understand why I did what I did but you may not just walk away from me." She wiped at her cheeks. "I need you Ben. I can't live like this."

"Why do you need me? You have..._HIM_! You have your new family! You should be happy!" He folded his arms across his chest.

"I am not happy without you Ben. I am miserable. I need you son and I know you need your mama. I know you..." Elsie moved closer to him. "Can we just sit down and talk?"

Ben rolled his eyes and kicked at the dirt under his boot. He _did_ need his mother. He had missed her terribly but he missed his father too, grieved for him, cried for them both. He was angry at God, angry at his mother, his father for dying. The only happiness in him was his aunt and uncle and cousins but when he crawled into bed at night, it was his parents he missed, his home at Downton. Many nights he had cried himself to sleep and longed for his former life.

"Please? Give me a chance? I want you back love." Elsie reached him and placed her hand on his arm.

"Fine...we can talk...but that's all. And I'm not coming back to live with you." He exclaimed but could not look at her.

"Okay...thank you Ben...thank you..." Elsie closed her eyes, thanking God, as he turned to head back to Lillian and Will's.

###

Charles had taken the leather chair that was in his office at Downton upon the insistence of Lord Grantham. It was his very favorite chair, comfortable and familiar and he had sat down an hour earlier and was enjoying a peaceful afternoon nap when a loud knock at the door startled him awake. He figured it was Elsie with the baby and she was needing help in. "Oh love..." he flung the door open to two older women standing in front of him, holding baskets.

"Good afternoon...Mr. Carson, is it?" One of the women greeted him with a warm smile. "I am Sadie Johnson and this is Mrs. Elizabeth Carroll, wife of our local Vicar, John Carroll. We have come to welcome you and your family to our village."

"Oh my..." he stammered. "...well that is very kind of you. I'm sorry but my wife and daughter are away this afternoon."

The two women pushed in, quite unexpectedly. "Oh what a shame." They both nosed around the kitchen a bit then turned back to Charles, who was taken back a little if not amused by the women's assertiveness. "You've come from Yorkshire?"

"Yes..yes...we have."

"You're born and bred there?" the other one asked.

"Yes I am. My wife, however is a Scot."

"Hmmm...well Mr. Carson we have brought you and your wife dinner as a welcome gift. We hope that you settle in quickly and we offer our friendship to you as well. Anything we can do to help, please don't hesitate to call on one of us."

"Thank you ladies, very much. My wife will call on you I'm sure after we have gotten settled in completely." Charles nods his gratitude and sees the ladies to the door.

###

"We'll go for a stroll, me and Rebecca, you take all the time you need. There's tea and biscuits..."

Elsie grabs her sister's hand and smiles. Lillian knew the weight of this and gave her a sweet smile and knowing nod of her head. As she passes Ben, she takes his hand and smiles at him. "You're a good lad..." she encourages.

They sit and Elsie gets them tea and puts the biscuits on the table. Ben sits back in the chair, his lanky legs spread out in front of him. "Thank you son. You don't know how much it means to me that you'll at least sit down and talk."

"Well I don't really know what there is to talk about." He sulked.

"I just want to know how you are, how you're doing. How is life here?"

"It's good I guess."

"Are you helping Uncle Will..every day? Does Joseph go? And Henry?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah..we all work the fields...the cattle."

"Do you enjoy that?" She asked sweetly, taking a sip of tea.

"I like being out with Uncle Will and Joe and Henry but..I don't fancy the work."

"Ahh...you were always a better student than you were at being in the fields. Do you want to go back to school love?"

Ben sat motionless, quiet, for a long while, looking down at his hands. "I dunno..."

"You could you know? There's a school in the village...where we are. I think you might like..."

"I'm not moving back in with ya if that's what you're gettin at."

"No...it's not lad. I just thought you might be happier if you started back to school. You always loved it."

"I dunno. I have a hard time concentrating now."

There is an awkward silence and Elsie wants so badly to get him to open up about the way he feels but she doesn't want to make him angry. "Will you come and visit me Ben?"

"Not with him there..."

"Benjamin, Charles is a good man, a really good man, and believe it or not, he cares a lot about you."

"Bollocks!" His face had turned red again, his temper beginning to flare.

"He does son. He never intended for this to happen, just like I didn't. He didn't want to intentionally hurt anyone. You'll learn lad, as you get older, things are not always black and white. We are human...we make mistakes."

"Yeah well my da was a really good man and he did the right thing...always! He would have never done this to you!"

Elsie's blue eyes burn with unshed tears and she swallows the bitter lump in her throat. "Benjamin...trust me when I say, you don't know everything..." She struggled with her emotions now.

Tears pool in Ben's eyes now and his breathing is labored, he too was struggling to hold onto the vehement emotions welling inside him. His mother took note and reached across and covered his hand. "Benjamin. I'm going to go because I don't want you to get upset again. I love you son." Tears stream down her cheeks. "I love you _so_ much. I will do whatever it takes to win you back. I am always..._always_ here for you and I hope you will consider coming to visit."

He laid his head down on the table and cried. Elsie got up and moved to him, laying over him, hugging him to her. He moved to stand and engulfed her in his arms. "Mama..." he sobbed against her shoulder and she closed her eyes in sweet peace and let her tears wash down her face.

TBC...


	37. Chapter 37

Charles hurriedly unpacked the box from his pantry at Downton and set up his desk. He figured Elsie would be home before long and he needed to have something to show for an entire afternoon at the cottage by himself. He was grateful for dinner, she would not have to cook and he had no idea what kind of day she has had, he was preparing for the worst. As the afternoon started to wear into evening, he set the table, picked some wildflowers from the overgrown garden behind the house and put some candles on the table and waited.

The sound of the horse's hooves and the wagon coming up the cobble stone path made Charles jump to action. He lit the candles on the table and went out to greet them. "William..my good man, thank you for taking care of Elsie and Rebecca. It won't be long before I purchase a wagon and we'll be up and running!"

"My pleasure Charles; it was no trouble. I'll go on Elsie, you know Lillian will worry if it gets dark and I've not returned."

Elsie leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you Will." She smiled sweetly. Will reached down and touched Rebecca's nose and smiled at them.

Elsie hands the baby to Charles and he helped her down with his free hand. They wave at William as he pulled away.

Elsie stepped into the house and took her hat off. She stopped and opened her mouth to speak but tears filled her eyes. It's been a good day, a day of strides and emotion and now, she thought, this dear man, her husband, has prepared dinner for her and its lovely. She brought her hand to her lips. "Oh Charles...what have you done love?" She spun around to look at him.

He stood with his chest puffed out. "I've prepared you a romantic dinner my darling wife." he teased.

"How? Charles...I didn't know you...cooked?" She looked at the dish the lamb roast was in and wondered where in the world he found that. It was perfection, a beautiful roast adorned with carrots and potatoes. She could hardly speak. "When...did...?" Then her mind came round and she looked at him with an eye of suspicion. He was trying to stifle a grin. "What is going on you tease?!"

He bounced Rebecca as she began to fuss. "I'm only teasing. Two lovely ladies came to welcome us to the village and they've brought dinner for us."

"OH MY! What a wonderful surprise!" She didn't want to minimize his obvious efforts to put his touch on dinner. "And what a romantic mood you've set my darling." She stepped to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Mmmm...I hope I can repay you for your kindness..." She leaned up and placed a passionate kiss on his lips.

Charles could hardly contain himself. Obviously she had a successful visit with Ben because she was clearly in a mood...a mood that made his insides stir. "Well...I think we will manage something…."

###

They ate the delicious roast, drank lots of red wine and Elsie told him all about her visit with Ben. They held hands and kissed at dinner. She cried and was as hopeful as he had seen her in a long time. "Oh Charles, I feel like such a burden has been lifted. I know it will still be a long while before he comes round but I know he needs me...he just held me so tight and cried." She couldn't say that without crying herself and Charles' eyes got teary when she did. He knew how important it was to her and he wanted Ben to come around. He wanted them to be a family, he wanted to be a father to him and hoped, one day, he would trust him enough.

Elsie went to put the dishes in the sink, Charles helped her put the food away and while she was bent over the table, cleaning it off, Charles came up behind her, grabbed her hips and pressed himself against her. She stood and braced herself with her palms flat on the table. "Oh...my..."

He bends and forces her down, lowers his head, his lips and breath hot against her ear. "I want you baby...please...I need you..." he whispered, his breath was ragged and he brought his hand up to cup her breast; her corset hindering what he wanted to feel.

Elsie swallowed hard, stood against him, and pushed her bottom against his groin. "Yes...oh…darling..." She reached around and ran her hand down his thigh, to the bulge in his trousers, bent over the table fully and pulled her dress up, inviting him.

Charles was hard as a rock and needed release. This wasn't how he imagined christening their new home but he needed her..now. He fumbled with the buttons on his trousers, pulled them down, pulled her skirts up and entered her from behind.

Elsie gasped when he entered her, the force pushing her body down over the table. She grasped the edges to steady herself. "Oh...my love..." she hissed; her voice hoarse with desire.

Charles leaned down over her, kissed the back of her neck. "Gods Els...Uh...OH..." He pounded into her over and over, the carnal nature of it eliciting deep, lustful, desires within him. He was unable to control himself. Charles grasped her hips and quickened his pace, groaning loudly with each thrust.

Elsie was a bit shocked at this sudden change in his mannerisms and could not help but think how enjoyable it would be if she were free of the damn corset binding her limited freedom and not to mention the struggle she was having taking in a good breath in the position she was in. She reached back and pushed against him so she could stand. "Honey...sweetheart?" her breath was ragged and her legs were a little wobbly. "Charles? Let me..." she stood even straighter which forced him to pull away from her.

"Oh God. I'm sorry darling." He pulled away and ran one hand through his thick hair, held one hand in front of his manhood. "I don't know what came over me..."

Elsie turned and kissed him hard on the mouth, she reached down and stroked his cock, still wet with her juices. "No...no...darling...I love it." She kissed him again. "I didn't quite imagine this kind of welcome home…but" She laughed slightly. "And..I love it when you..." her eyes darkened and she looked down at her hand, holding him. "When you..." she stood on her tip toes and he bent just slighly for her to reach his ear. "When you..._fuck_ me..." She blushed feverishly and grinned.

"Oh you little minx." He grinned and pointed his finger at her.

"But love…I must get this god forsaken corset off! I'm suffocating!"

"Oh oh...Elsie..I'm sorry! Here let me." He started to fumble with the laces. She helped and it was off in no time. She exhaled deeply. "Now...where were we?" She pulled at the front of his shirt and pulled him down to her, kissing him with her tongue, biting his lip, nipping at his chin. The boring Elsie thought to drag him to the bed where it was comfortable but the daring Elsie, the Elsie that he was making her, wanted to stay here, on this kitchen table and let him have his way with her. Charles had taken a step back nearly tumbling over because his trousers were at his ankles. He toed off his shoes and trousers, unbuttoned his shirt. He stood speechless when Elsie sat on the table, facing him. She had removed her skirts and all the undergarments beneath. She sat on the edge of the table, spread her thighs wide and reached down with one trembling hand and touched herself. Charles did the same. He watched her, mesmerized by the movement and the soft, pink folds of her womanhood. He stroked his cock and took in a staggered breath.

"Do you like this honey?" She purred.

"Oh..yes...Elsie...oh gods yes…I won't last much longer..."

She reached for him and he came to her. He rubbed the head of his cock in her slick folds, against her clit. She arched her back and used her fingers to pull him inside. "Oh...there...oh baby...oh...gods...it feels so good Charles..." She cried out, now spent and ready for release. He used his thumb to bring her to climax while moving easily in and out of her. He did this long enough to bring her to a second climax and then reached his own end inside her. She had sat up, legs wrapped around his waist, arms tightly around his broad shoulders while he held her closely, bodies shuddering out their ecstasy, the involuntary twitching of their muscles as the both came down.

Without hesitation, Charles picked her up; her legs still wound around him and walked them to the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed and pulled the rest of her clothes off; covered her with his naked body and kissed her tenderly, unpinned her hair and watched her shake it out it. "God you...are so beautiful to me…."

TBC...


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: So sorry for the long delay in updates on this story. I hit a wall, wrote a million others things, most not even worth putting up, but trying to get back here. I love hearing from you and I thank ALL of you for your support and encouragement! **

* * *

Charles and Elsie lay spooned together, naked and exhausted from passion, loving each other. They had laughed about their earlier escapade in the kitchen, so unlike them. "Elsie, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Elsie turned to face him and smiled, ran her finger down his cheek. "Oh Charles, you make me want to do things that I would have died to even think about before."

"I don't mean to, love. I just...can't seem to get enough of you. You drive me a little mad. Suddenly the man who controlled himself for the whole of his adult life now can't seem to control the slightest urge when I see you." He smiled.

"I feel it too darling." Elsie leaned and gave him a sweet kiss. "I guess having sampled the goods has brought on a hunger we can't quite satiate, hmm?" She purred, her slender fingers dancing along his rib cage.

The baby started to cry from her cot and Elsie closed her eyes. "I'll get her love." Charles got out of bed and she watched him, his naked form stirring everything inside her. He slipped his night shirt over his head and went to the crib across the room. He lifted his daughter up and cradled her in his arms. He bounced her gently and spoke softly.

"There there my little love. Papa is here." Charles' heart ached from the love he had for his tiny one. He leaned down and pressed his cheek against her soft head, closed his eyes, basked in his love for her for a brief moment. He started to sing a little song and her cries subsided but only for a moment. He took her to the bed and handed her to Elsie who sat up and began to nurse her. Charles was always so moved by this simple act of human nature and how peaceful these few moments became. The way Elsie looked, her glow, her nurturing essence and the love that exuded from her was as big a turn on to him as anything else she did.

"God I love you both..." Charles' eyes swelled with tears. He kissed her on the cheek and nestled close to them.

Elsie reached up and caressed his scruffy cheek. "We love you Papa..." she said sleepily. Half an hour later, Elsie moved gently off the bed, careful not to wake her sleeping daughter or husband. She laid Rebecca down in her cot, leaned down and kissed her then slipped her night gown over her head. She carefully got back into bed and Charles moved his body into her, mumbling something incoherent. She giggled and brushed a stray curl from his forehead. "...beautiful man..." she whispered.

###

_Dear Charles - I hope this letter finds you and your family well. It was good to hear from you so quickly yet I find the subject matter rather disturbing and hard to take in. If what you are saying is true, this is indeed a travesty and will no doubt be a difficult thing for your wife and her son to accept. I will do what I can on my end and let you know as soon as I have some news. Give my regards to your wife._

_Best,_

_Robert_

Charles folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope. "Good day." He tipped his hat to the post master and closed the door behind him. He walked to the horse and wagon he had purchased a day earlier, petted the horse and talked to her before climbing into the wagon. He drove back to the house slowly, taking in the sights around him, thinking. He was thankful to take Elsie's mind off of the lady at the train station for awhile. She had been so receptive to him and his need of her. He smiled thinking about her.

He returned home to find Elsie with tears in her eyes, sitting at the kitchen table with Lillian.

"What is it?" He rushed to her.

She held up a letter, several pages long and Charles took it.

_ "Dear Mrs. Burns- I am so sorry to bother you again but I think we must talk..._

Charles eyed his wife and then Lillian.

"It came in the post today, to our house. She must have known who we were or at least knew our names because how would she have known where to write?"

Charles nodded and continued reading. He sat down when he flipped the last sheet of paper over.

_ ..."I want more than anyone for this to just be a awful dream, but I'm afraid it won't just go away. My children deserve what is theirs as much as Joe's other son...your child, Benjamin. Please say you'll meet with me. I am willing to come to Argyll. -__With deepest kindness, Mary Burns"_

"He had children with her, Charles." Tears stream again down Elsie's cheeks. Lillian reached over and squeezed her hand.

"I just can't believe it. How? How does a man carry on like that?" Charles sat dumbfounded.

"I did get a letter from Lord Grantham. He promised to look into it. Maybe we should wait until he hears something before contacting her." He looked at Elsie.

"Yes, that is probably the right thing to do Els. Wait until the Earl can get some information. You never know, it sounds like this woman just wants Joe's money!"

"What does it matter what she wants? She was _married _to Joe. _My _husband! She has children with him!"

"Els...you must admit, this explains a lot! It gives meaning to your marriage and why it was so dismal, why Joe was so indifferent...and why..." Lillian blushed a little and eyed Charles momentarily.

"I...I'm going to go put the horse and wagon up. I'll...uh...well...I'll be back." Charles gave Elsie's shoulder a light squeeze as he passed. She just watched him go.

Lillian pounced once he was gone. "Elsie...I know this hurts you but you have to believe this is why you and Joe never seemed to work."

"Lil...it wasn't that bad." Elsie buried her head in her hands. "I just can't believe it..."

"Elsie. You and Joe had no kind of marriage. You were friends, you were companions but not even that. You shared no common interests, you always said it was like he didn't know how to love you."

Elsie bit her bottom lip. "This will destroy Ben." She gazed into her tea cup. "He doesn't deserve this...I've ruined his life." She whispered.

TBC...


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: I'm still struggling a bit to find the soul of this story again. I'm trying to focus on one at a time! LOL! Hopefully there will be several updates this week to this one! I want to say a collective thank you to all of you who take the time to review and support and encourage. I've found a lot of comfort and laughter and friendship in this Chelsie community! You guys are the BEST! I know I don't personally respond to each and every review and I admire those of you who do! Please know it thrills me so and makes me so happy when you do tell me what you think! XOXOXOXO!

* * *

Elsie and Lillian cooked supper. William brought Joseph and Ben with him when they came to pick Lillian up.

"Well I'm hungry and I know you lads have to be, so we're staying! You can stay out here if you want but I'm going in!" William told the boys in the wagon when Ben said he would not go in.

"I'm eating mate! Come on!" Joseph punched Ben on the arm. "Don't be daft...come in!" he urged.

Ben stayed outside sulking. He was determined not to go in where Charles was. He reasoned that if it were just Elsie, he might, but not with him there.

#

"Let me go..." Charles urged Elsie, they were in their bedroom and she was upset that Ben refused to come in. "Let me talk to him..."

"Oh Charles...I don't think he will talk to you." She wrapped her arms tightly around her waist as she paced the floor.

"Well..he might not but I want to try." He walked to her and put her hands on her upper arms. "We have to start somewhere..."

She gave him an exhausted, miserable look. "Okay.." she said softly. "But please if he refuses...don't upset him any more than he already is.."

"I promise love." He kissed the top of her head and left their bedroom. Charles gave Lillian, William and Joseph a glance before leaving the cottage.

#

"Ben?" Charles came around the back of the wagon and rested his arms on the side.

Ben looked over to him. "What the bloody hell do you want?"

"I just want to talk. I just would like you to hear me out."

"What do you have to say that would mean anything to me?" He snarled.

"Well as a matter of fact, I have something to say that should mean a lot to you." Charles lowered his head. Ben just looked at him, his eyes were dark with anger. "Listen mate...your mother loves you. In fact, I've never seen a mother's love like hers. She hasn't been perfect..no...but her heart is broken for you. She can't..._we_ can't...erase what has been done. We can only move forward. I would like you give her a chance again."

"Oh would you?" Ben's tone dripped with sarcasm.

Charles' teeth clenched tightly and looked away for a moment. "Let me ask you something lad. "What's your plans?"

"What?"

"What are your plans...for the future?"

"Why? Why do you care?"

"I care because your mother cares and believe it or not...I care what happens to you Ben."

"Yeah right!"

"Look. Your father is gone lad. That won't change. Your mom is all you've got...of your immediate family. And..trust me when I say...there is no one on this earth that will ever love you like your mother loves you. You have been hurt...I understand that. And I've caused some of that hurt. I _know_ that. But I want to make amends. If nothing else, I want to see you make amends with your mother."

Ben sat quietly for a long while, his arms resting on his bent knees. "Okay...I'll go in and spend the evening with my family but only if you leave." He stared right at Charles with almost a smirk on his face.

Charles licked his lips and lowered his head, kicked the dust around the wagon wheel. _'I'll play your game lad.'_ he thought silently. "Alright." His eyes met Ben's, his jaw flexed in tension. "If that will get you inside to spend some time with your mother then I'll agree."

Ben stood up and jumped down beside him. "Good. Now _my_ family and I can have a nice supper together." He stood up straight in Charles' face and stared him down. Charles' heart beat hard in his chest and he balled his fingers into tight fists. He would let Ben have his way for now, would give him the benefit of the doubt but this behavior would not be tolerated in his house for long.

Charles stepped inside and over to Elsie, who was at the kitchen sink. He put his hand on her hip and whispered in her ear. "Love, I'm gonna go into the village, have a drink at the pub."

Elsie spun around, eyes wide with confusion. "What? Why? Where is Ben?"

Charles gave her a look, silently asking her not to question him now. "He's outside. He's going to come in and have dinner and I'll go and let him do that this evening...with..._his_ family."

Elsie saw the hurt in his eyes and she wanted desperately to touch him, kiss him, take it away. She dropped her hand to his side and wrapped her fingers around his, inconspicuously; tears filled her eyes and she gave him a loving, appreciative smile. "I love you.." she mouthed and he nodded ever so slightly. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I'll be back," he whispered.

Elsie stood in the door as Charles left. She smiled when Ben came around the wagon, his hands stretched into his pockets. Her heart was hurting. She was torn. She wanted Charles there, did not want him to feel like he had to be put out of his own home. She wasn't sure if it was Charles' idea or if Ben requested it but either way it broke her heart in too many pieces.

"I'm glad you came Benny." She said quietly as he walked past her in the door way.

"I didn't have a choice." He murmured.

TBC...


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: As I was writing this chapter, the last part just kind of took off in this direction like an ending. I'm NOT 100% sure I'm ready to end it but this might be it. It's a solid 40 chapters and let's face it...I could write on this for years! LOL. So...we will see. I appreciate more than I could ever convey how much it means to me that you read my stories and you comment and encourage and support! As I've said I LOVE this community of readers and authors! It brings me a lot of joy!**

* * *

Charles sat quietly in the pub, drank a pint(several), talked to a few locals. He thought about his Elsie and Rebecca and wondered if he could be the man they all needed. He knew the road with Ben was going to be a long one, possibly a never ending one. He glanced at his pocket watch. He had been gone nearly 3 hours and he knew they wouldn't stay that long, they would leave before dark to get back home. He tipped his hat the gentlemen there and rode home. The time was changing, the days a bit longer but he had thought to bring a lantern with him so the path home was sufficiently lit.

#

Elsie sat in the fire light of the living room. When he came through the door she didn't rise but smiled tenderly at him. He didn't bother to turn the lamp on but sat next to her on the settee. She nestled her body against his, he brought his arm around her and pulled her to him. They didn't speak for a long while. The only sound was Elsie's sniffling.

Elsie raised up, searched his eyes. His heart hurt to see her face, sad, red rimmed and watery eyes. She pulled her dress around her waist and straddled him, put her hands on his face and kissed him hungrily. He reciprocated the endearment, grasped her hips when she began to buck slightly against him. Soon they were on the rug, in front of the fire, making love. Slow. Passionate. Their bodies melded together in desire, love, forgiveness. Tears streamed down Elsie's cheeks as she straddled him again, rocked her hips slowly against him. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her, she braced herself on his shoulders, her forehead pushing against his. She breathed his name over and over as he thrust up to meet her rhythm.

"You on top..." she said breathlessly and Charles raised them both up without breaking contact. He laid her gently down and leaned over her, caressing her breasts with between his lips, circling each pink nipple with the tip of his tongue.

"God you're so beautiful Elsie." Charles whispered in her before he leaned back, ran his hand down between her breasts, down her belly until his thumb reached her most sensitive spot, all the while moving fluidly in and out of her.

Elsie arched her back, spread her legs wider to feel more of him. "Charl...oh...uh...Charles...yes yes...right there love..." She gasped and whimpered his name as she found her release, pulling him down so his weight was covering her. She ran her hands throughhis thick hair and kissed his face, neck, lips. "I love you...God...I love you so."

Soon Charles pulled out, emptied himself on her belly and collapsed beside her, breathless and exhausted. Elsie twisted to reach the throw on the settee and pulled it down to them. She wrapped her leg over his mid section and laid her head on his chest. "Are you okay my love?" He finally asked. She only nodded and him and ran her hand across his broad chest. "How did dinner go?"

"It was alright I guess," she said softly. "Ben was quiet mostly."

"It's a forward step Elsie." Charles turned to her, wincing when he did.

"Let's go to bed my darling man. I know this floor doesn't feel good."

"You feel good though." He leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on her nose.

"Well you will still have me in the bed." She grinned.

#

They moved to the comfort of their bed; the warmth and joy that had become their haven. Rebecca cooed and gurgled in the cot beside them. Elsie wrapped Charles around her as tight as she could. His body was strong and warm and it offered her something she had never experienced. It gave her contentment in her marriage. She was wholly at peace when Charles was beside her, there was nothing she could not face. It had taken her a long time to get comfortable with the notion that he could give her security in every sense of the word. For all of her adult life she had learned to take care of her herself, physically and emotionally. She was a strong woman but she was stronger when he was with her.

"Charles?" she whispered.

"Yes love?" he answered sleepily.

"Promise we will never lose this." They lay spooned together and Elsie stroked the soft hair on his forearm.

He didn't answer right away and she turned to face him. He smiled and ran a finger down her cheek. "I will promise you this. I will never stop loving you. I will never stop needing you or wanting you. I will be here to laugh with you, cry with you. I will raise our daughter with you and I'll parent Ben with you...when he lets me in." He grinned that heart stopping half grin. Tears poured from her eyes and he leaned down to cover her lips. "You are safe with me Elsie. I will always protect you."

Elsie put her finger over her lips to stop the quiver. "I just love...you...so..." she cried. "I don't deserve you Charles."

"Get away with you," he whispered, his eyes twinkled in the blue dark of midnight.

# This might be it ya'll. I kinda feel like it's the end.


	41. Chapter 41

A/N: Well...I'm going to try and revive my enthusiasm here! I'm so appreciative of your encouragement and wanting this to go on. Let me know what you think!

* * *

White steam curled up around the train as it pulled into the station at Downton. Charles was holding his daughter as Elsie looked worriedly out the large window. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "It will be alright pet." He encouraged.

She turned and gave him a sweet smile. "I know. You're by my side...so I know." They kissed briefly as the train came to a halt on the platform.

#

"Oh she's getting so big...she's just darling." Lady Grantham dotted over Rebecca while Lord Grantham and Charles shook hands and offered their greetings.

"It's good of you to ask us to stay. We were prepared to stay at the Grantham Arms and take a care to Ripon."

"Nonsense. We are happy to have you here with us. The girls will be so glad to see you and the baby."

After an hour or tea and pleasantries, Charles, Elsie and Rebecca retired to one of the many guest rooms at the Abbey. They were to meet Mary in Ripon at 3 and the baby would need a nap before.

"I feel awkward here Charles. I wish we would have just stayed in a hotel."

Charles looked around, a hint of reverie in his expression. "It's alright love...we will be comfortable here." He answered yet his thoughts were miles away. He pulled one of the sheer curtains over the window back and gazed out across this magnificent estate. His heart ached a bit. He felt Elsie's arm snake around his waist.

"You miss it?" she whispered, laying her head on his back.

"A little." Charles swallowed the emotion in his throat. "Not enough though." He turned in her arms and kissed her. "I wouldn't trade what I have with you and Becca...for anything in the world." He pulled her to him and closed his eyes against her hair. "Let's rest a bit before going to Ripon."

#

Charles held Elsie's hand on the ride to Ripon. Lady Grantham had insisted on them leaving the baby with her and the girls for the afternoon. Elsie was nervous. She had never left her with anyone except her sister but Charles had convinced her she would be perfectly safe and it would be good not to have any distractions while meeting with Mary. Elsie was extremely emotional, she had asked Charles to hold her, help calm her so she would not be overly emotional when they met with Mary.

Charles hugged her tightly, kissed her forehead. "I'm here my darling. "I'm right beside you." He tipped her chin up to look at her directly. "No matter what the outcome is, you have me, you have Becca, you have Ben." Tears pooled in her eyes and she shook her head gently. "You have Ben...he will come around." He kissed her lips tenderly. "Everything will be alright." She nestled against his chest and he held her closer.

The train pulled into Ripon. Elsie drew in a great breath and squeezed Charles' hand in hers as they stepped onto the platform. They reached the tea room they had agreed to meet the other Mrs. Burns at. She was sitting at a table. Elsie thought she looked haggard, worn, tired. Her heart clenched tight in her chest as they stepped toward her.

Mary stood and managed a smile. She nodded, Elsie nodded, Charles nodded their hello's. "Thank you for coming." She said and held her hand out toward the chairs on the other side of the table. "Please..."

Elsie clutched her pocketbook as if it were a life vest. Charles pulled her chair back and scooted her up before taking his seat; he moved the chair as close to her as possible and reached over and took her hand and brought it into his lap.

Mary noticed this display of affection, devotion, security, and without warning tears began to pour from eyes. She brought her hand to her lips. "I'm sorry..." she shook her head. "I'm very sorry...I...just..."

Elsie's blue eyes fill with tears and her heart breaks for this woman. She had resolved...weeks ago in fact...that what Mary had said, that day on the train platform in Downton, was true. She felt it in her heart and it explains so much of Joe's behavior over the years. It was important to her to know the facts, from her, so that when the time came, she would know for Ben. She had her man, the man she loved, and her children, and that is what mattered to her. In this moment, was choosing to trust that Charles was right and that Ben would come back.

Charles took his handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to Mary. She took it and gathered herself. "I'm very sorry. I just miss Joe...and seeing you two, obviously so in love and..."

"Mary. How long?" Elsie voice was weak. She cleared her throat. "When...did you meet Joe?"

She sniffed and ran the handkerchief across her red nose. "It was...um...we met...in 1896 in Bristol. I was a seller there, in the market, sold my wares." She lowered her head. "I didn't know he was...married. He told me he wasn't."

Elsie felt warm all of a sudden, her head spinning just a bit. '1896...Ben was only a year old.' She took her hand from Charles' and fidgeted in her chair. He glanced her way to ensure she was okay. "Go on..." she said.

"Well...you see Ma'am...I had no idea until he died...that he had another life, another wife, a child." She looked at Elsie then Charles with pleading eyes.

"How...I don't understand how...he was with us most of the time..."

Tears started again down Mary's face, she worried her fingers around the handkerchief. That was driving Charles mad. "I thought..well...he told me...he was a stone mason...that he traveled all throughout England building cathedrals. He wanted to be based in Bristol, have a place to come home to when he wasn't working."

Elsie shook her head. "A stone mason? He never mason-ed a stone in his life!"

"No...that's just it...he did! He did the repair work on the cathedral at l. I watched him, many a day work on that beautiful building. That's why I couldn't believe my ears when I heard he had died in a farming accident. It didn't make sense to me."

"What?" Elsie was confused, getting frustrated. She looked to Charles who was equally confused.


End file.
